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#51890 - 03/01/06 04:35 AM Feel strange around guy talk, hunting, fishing, etc.
John Oarc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/10/06
Posts: 633
Loc: Louisiana
I have tried to hold my own with the guys but I felt strange, I dont hunt or fish nor do I like to talk about the things guys talk about. I am into phylisophical discussion, science, writing, but I am not interested in normal guy talk. I do like wakeboarding, boats, women, stuff like that but most guys like to talk about killing things and they add so much testosterone into the mix like an alpha male that it turns me off.

Anyone else feel like this?

_________________________
Whatever It Takes, God


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#51891 - 03/01/06 05:03 AM Re: Feel strange around guy talk, hunting, fishing, etc.
Morning Star Offline
Member

Registered: 12/21/04
Posts: 1124
Loc: Home
Sir u r a good man, accept it and I believe you will find will soon find more guys who you will accept you for what you are.
\:\)

_________________________
~ It's over!...Let go of Thy Past, Remember Thy Self ~

Why Don't People Heal, by Caroline Myss; 30 days to clean up your vibrations - Abraham-Hicks

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#51892 - 03/01/06 12:43 PM Re: Feel strange around guy talk, hunting, fishing, etc.
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
Sounds like you're just hangin' out with the wrong people. My friends and tend to be "thinkers" etc. Of course, there are some exceptions, even with my friends.

But, just because the people you mention tend to think and talk like "typical guys", it doesn't mean they can't have a heart of gold. We're all different.


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#51893 - 03/01/06 06:19 PM Re: Feel strange around guy talk, hunting, fishing, etc.
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
John,

Absolutely!!!! I find that some circles are just knee-deep in the testosterone: how was that touchdown scored, fixing a carburator (whatever that is! \:\) ), "scoring", and so on. I quickly despair because I have nothing to say!

There are plenty of people who are interested in the subjects that engage you, though, and maybe a good way to find them would be to see what sort of groups and organizations there are in your community. Is there a university or community college near you? They ought to have plenty of programs and events, and departments like English, philosophy, comp. lit., and so on, ought to be able to guide you to the details.

I take refuge in the wisdom of God in such matters. He created wine, comfortable chairs, poetry, and music all at the same time. \:\)

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#51894 - 03/02/06 01:08 AM Re: Feel strange around guy talk, hunting, fishing, etc.
John Oarc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/10/06
Posts: 633
Loc: Louisiana
It's not so much hanging out with them, it is when I am spontaneously thrown in a group, a twenty year reunion or at the father in laws you know the normal situations. I find myself trying to talk to them but I am just not interseted most of the time. I am a man and I know that but most men talk about hunting and putting a chevy 350 in a jeep and I have done most if not all of these things but today I find myself lacking interest in the normal things guys talk about, it is like they have not grown up or something. Getting a strange peice of ass or talking about a girls ass used to be great but I am married and I love my wife. Lusting after another is not something I find attractive conversation. I could go on forever but I will stop, I hope you guys understand me.

_________________________
Whatever It Takes, God


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#51895 - 03/02/06 01:18 AM Re: Feel strange around guy talk, hunting, fishing, etc.
John Oarc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/10/06
Posts: 633
Loc: Louisiana
I forgot to add that I do not look down on these guys, I just cant seem to relate to them anymore. It is like I get a headache when I act interested in their conversation. I do want to be nice and listen but man it is like walking over broken glass. I guess its because I am 40 and I have grown a bit mentaly.

Thanks guys,

_________________________
Whatever It Takes, God


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#51896 - 03/02/06 01:22 AM Re: Feel strange around guy talk, hunting, fishing, etc.
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
As have I John, I hear exactly what you're saying.


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#51897 - 03/02/06 02:09 AM Re: Feel strange around guy talk, hunting, fishing, etc.
Josh1 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/02/06
Posts: 39
Loc: New York
Hi John,

An issue I am working on these days is of disclosing to a group of college friends who fit into the homophobic joke-making, reducing women to meat, getting really drunk and rowdy type.

I have pretty much decided to disclose. I actually believe that underneath the posturing they are understand, cool guys, and I think there are a lot of guys out there who don't have a fuzzy interior. Nontheless, I am prepared for some bumps and problems with this.

Nonetheless, I'm at a point where I'm going to be myself. People can talk about what they want, and I can talk about what I want. If a hunter or gun collecter or whatever wants to keep the conversation going with me, awesome. Same with this group from college. If they want to get to know me better, awesome. If not, I know who I am, and I know who the people are who love me unconditionally.

Josh


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#51898 - 03/02/06 02:51 PM Re: Feel strange around guy talk, hunting, fishing, etc.
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16265
John,

I know exactly how you feel! If possible when things get going along those lines I go find myself another conversation. If not I usually drift away after a bit, make some excuse to leave, etc.

I've pretty much adopted same attitude Josh has. I won't force a group of testosterone laden guys to talk about the things I am interested in, but if they want to get to know me, they may just have to care enough to be interested in the things I am.

If not? Can't be helped 'cuz I'm sure not interested in killing things or doing all that other "manly" stuff. Gave up being insecure about it a long time ago. I'll curl up with a good book, thankyou very much.

Thankfully I've been able to make friends with guys who at least have some thing in common with me in regards to what interests them.

You have nothing to be ashamed of. In my opinion you are the one who is "normal".

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#51899 - 03/02/06 02:56 PM Re: Feel strange around guy talk, hunting, fishing, etc.
alan_w Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 02/22/06
Posts: 10
Loc: kentucky
Your post reminds me of me several years ago. Due to various factors, CSA I'm sure too, I grew up not having typical boy and man interests in things such as sports, girls, and anything typically male, or so I thought. In groups of men I was really terrified, and prefered to have just one person I could talk to. If I was talking to a guy at school, work, or wherever, and someone else would come up and listen or try to join in, I'd just stop talking.

Fortunately, in church a man my age was helpful to me. I was dealing with some sexual identity issues and had shared that with a pastor and some other people. (At that time I thought my my issue was sexual orientation, but that's another story.) This guy befriended me in a wholesome way. I told him my fears of not being like other guys, and how I couldn't even throw a ball. I told him how I feared being on teams as a kid, always being picked last, or made fun of. Looking through the fence watching other boys play is where I usually found myself; on the outside looking in.

This guy took it on himself to teach me, then 34 years old, on how to throw a ball. I was overjoyed. He taught me some other things, too, that typical guys did. Many of those things I didn't wind up liking, but got to experiment with them. Through out that process, I felt accepted by him, and actually gained confidence in accepting my disinterest in such things. One time during a 'super bowl' party, a group of guys were huddled around a TV commenting in their hyper masculine way about what was going on. Someone asked me what I thought of a particular play. I felt bold at that time, and just said accurately that I didn't even know the difference between the offensive and defensive line. Instead of being laughed at, I was surprized at how many teachers I suddenly had, telling me the ins and outs of football. Later that day a couple guys came over to me and confessed that they too, had no idea what football was about either.

My point? There are lots of us out in the world, Survivors and not, who don't fit into any model of maleness, and just learn to play the game. My hobbies and interest are 'softer' than what most men's are. Recently I completed three cake decorating classes with a group of women, and now send cakes to my wife's work.

Sorry for the rambling. Be who you are without apologies. Speak to others about your interests and you may find a group of others similarly interested.


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#51900 - 03/02/06 04:46 PM Re: Feel strange around guy talk, hunting, fishing, etc.
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
I really enjoyed reviewing the day's progress on this thread, and I saw one statement that really does it for me:

Quote:
Be who you are without apologies.
Alan, that says it all bro. We just have to be true to ourselves. If you are into tearing cars apart, hey, go for it, why not? But if you prefer to curl up with a book and dream away, do it. I don't think either is more or less "manly" (whatever that means) than the other. The problem only arises when we feel ourselves obliged to "prove" something to our peers.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#51901 - 03/02/06 11:20 PM Re: Feel strange around guy talk, hunting, fishing, etc.
John Oarc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/10/06
Posts: 633
Loc: Louisiana
I am 40 now and looking back I did all the manly things, exactly the way some of my old friends are still acting today. I think some of my issues revolve around the fact that I have been through many years of counseling and now find that I no longer like to act like others, it is hard to believe that waking up one day and everything you thought was great no longer has that affect on you. I woke up and realized I was living a life that was made up to fit in with the rest of the world and now I am learning to follow what I like instead of what I think others would expect of me because I am a man. I have spent so much time and money trying to prove to the world that I was a man that I now find myself surrounded with things that I no longer care about. It has been difficult because I literaly woke up on day and felt like I did not know why I had purchased all of the manly things, I felt like I was in another persons life and I no longer needed these things to make me happy, I was happy with just being me, I had nothing to prove. I have to admit at 40 it is difficult to start over but that is what I feel like I am doing. It is great, dont get me wrong, being myself is the best thing that has ever happenned to my life.

Thanks for the feedback guys,

_________________________
Whatever It Takes, God


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#51902 - 03/03/06 06:23 AM Re: Feel strange around guy talk, hunting, fishing, etc.
Morning Star Offline
Member

Registered: 12/21/04
Posts: 1124
Loc: Home
I think what the biggest 'benefit' of my sexual identity mix up has been that it opened up new vistas for me to explore, beyond the gender biases of traditional male conditioning.

Today I can openly enjoy things a traditional male would not think of exploring, like baking a cake or giving someone a warm 'extended' hug.

_________________________
~ It's over!...Let go of Thy Past, Remember Thy Self ~

Why Don't People Heal, by Caroline Myss; 30 days to clean up your vibrations - Abraham-Hicks

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#51903 - 03/05/06 01:42 AM Re: Feel strange around guy talk, hunting, fishing, etc.
John Oarc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/10/06
Posts: 633
Loc: Louisiana
Thanks for all of your replies, I am finding new things out every day, and with all of the help from you guys who I now consider my brothers my life just keeps getting better.

I hope it does not sound cheezy to call all of you my brothers, but it is the way I feel. I hope you dont mind me calling you guys brothers.

Thanks again,

_________________________
Whatever It Takes, God


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#51904 - 03/05/06 02:21 AM Re: Feel strange around guy talk, hunting, fishing, etc.
Derdlecar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/08/05
Posts: 1314
Loc: Ogden Utah, USA
John,

I came to this thread kinda late, but you mentioned something 'bout putting a chevey 350 in a jeep. I have a jeep. I can look out the window and see it right now while I type this reply. It has not been started in about 6 months. At one time, I had all these macho plans for it. But I was just telling my wife today that I think it might be time to sell it. Just have lost intrest in that type of thing. I am a lot more touchy feely kind of person anymore.

Don't get me wrong, I could still enjoy a good jeep run, but that sort of thing is not as important as it once was. Other things are more important. My motivation for wanting to go on a jeep run has changed. I go jeeping to see the country, not to tear it up and see how far I can make the mud fly with with my over sized tires. And I find myself not fitting in with the other guys who go jeeping and therefore, my jeep just sits.

Anyway, I think what I just said is that I understand how you feel. And one of my favorite pastimes, I no longer participate in because I no longer enjoy the company of most of the men who do.

Maybe I could start a "Warm Fuzzy Jeep Club."

Anyway, I hear ya bro, and I too find myself feeling out of place in a group of men.

Love ya

Darrel

_________________________
If a man would get his life on track, he must first go back to the place where it was derailed.

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#51905 - 03/05/06 01:35 PM Re: Feel strange around guy talk, hunting, fishing, etc.
John Oarc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/10/06
Posts: 633
Loc: Louisiana
Darrel, I used to mud ride, four wheelers, jeeps anything that got me the attention of a real man, "what I thought was a real man" and like you the need just melted away one day. I no longer feel like I need to prove myself as a man and a lot of the hobbies that I once loved and spent a lot of money to do are no longer interesting. I think I was living or trying to live the lifestyle that I thought made me look and feel manly but like I said whith therapy and support from my family I know I am a man no matter what I do, I dont have to prove something that is physiologically a fact, I am a man.

Thanks,

_________________________
Whatever It Takes, God


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