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#51538 - 07/13/01 12:34 PM Male Abuse and Homosexuality: Any Connections?
Anonymous
Unregistered


Hi. I am a survivor, and I have found that many of the males survivors that I have known are gay or bi. I wonder if there have been studies of the impact of childhood sexual abuse of males on the victims' later sexuality and sexual preferences. I suspoect strongly that my confusion about my sexuality is a directo result ot the sexual and other abuse I experienced in my family. I have also read in bools for male survivors that we survivors wind up totally confused and fearful aroiund issues of sexuality and emotional intimacy, and often are confused about our sexual orientation.
Does anyone know of any such studies? Please let me know and also feel free to comment on the subject, in general.

Thanks!

Lance


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#51539 - 07/14/01 06:06 PM Re: Male Abuse and Homosexuality: Any Connections?
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
It certianly confused me. It fucked up my life. When Men abuse boys it directly messes everything up.

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#51540 - 07/15/01 08:37 AM Re: Male Abuse and Homosexuality: Any Connections?
Anonymous
Unregistered


im a survivor too.i dont know of such studies, but i was confused about my manhood and i believe our sexual preference was chosen before we even entered this world. you as i was are confused because some asshole chose to disregard the affects of his actions. i am a healthy heterosexual male and my abuser cannot and did not change my sexual preference.you are a survivor and your abuser cannot and did not change you.


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#51541 - 07/15/01 01:42 PM Re: Male Abuse and Homosexuality: Any Connections?
SoCalJohn Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 05/18/01
Posts: 510
Loc: Los Angeles, California
I dont know of any studies, however, i can say with some certainty that it definately scrambled my sexuality. kinda made/makes me question just about everything about it.

John

_________________________
I asked him about this law he spoke of, he said,,, *watch* he then asked the others to share about their lives,,, the others talked of how things were for them, how things worked in their lives,,, and as they believed, it was so.

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#51542 - 07/16/01 07:43 AM Re: Male Abuse and Homosexuality: Any Connections?
bosishere Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/14/01
Posts: 161
Loc: nashville,tn,usa
Guys, I agree with what silentnomore writes,that or sexual orientation is determined b4 we are born. Being gay, which I am one of them, is by itself,very hard. But also to be an abuse survivor makes your sexual orientation even more difficult. Just look at the responses on these two pages-males survivors, and gay survivors. The public at large is now beginning to deal with sexual orientation and change is now becoming evident, AND accepted. Society at large HAS NOT DEALT WITH MALE SEXUAL ABUSE. This fact was very evident at a public forum one nice spring day, when people who are survivors of sexual abuse could speak openly in front of all the croud - about 125 people. Many woman spoke, but only one (1) male, me, spoke about male sexual abuse. I also, and all of the writers say, do not know of any publications re the abuse and sexual orientation, but THEY WILL BE MADE IN THE FUTURE, more soon, I hope because of people like NOMSV, and their attempt to bring the male sexual abuse topic more to a "front" of public opinion. bosishere


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#51543 - 07/16/01 01:48 PM Re: Male Abuse and Homosexuality: Any Connections?
bosishere Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/14/01
Posts: 161
Loc: nashville,tn,usa
Please see my post on Gay Survivors post where I go into further detail, and also write about my screwup for not mentioning the fact that the open discussion was held on the Vanderbilt University campus. sorry. bosishere


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#51544 - 07/16/01 03:59 PM Re: Male Abuse and Homosexuality: Any Connections?
Anonymous
Unregistered


I also posted a response in the "gay survivors" section, so sorry if I duplicate myself. (I don't think I phrased that well, it sounds like I'm trying to clone myself!)
I have read a book called "Growing up Gay in a Dysfunctional Family", but I don't know of any specific literature on sexual abuse issues and homosexuality. I stopped worrying about what "caused" my sexual preference, and am learning to live with it.


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#51545 - 07/26/01 08:54 PM Re: Male Abuse and Homosexuality: Any Connections?
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
A lot has happened to me over the past 39 years. I cannot change what I have done.
I do not understand everything that has happened either. My life seems to be getting back to normal, but being BiPolar is like living on a roller-coaster. Everything effects everything. It is a good thing I do not know the future, I might not like it.

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#51546 - 07/26/01 08:58 PM Re: Male Abuse and Homosexuality: Any Connections?
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
What if you are not Gay, and are struggling?
What are straight men with gay thoughts supposed to do? It is not easy and orientation has nothing to do with recovery.

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#51547 - 07/26/01 09:24 PM Re: Male Abuse and Homosexuality: Any Connections?
Anonymous
Unregistered


Michael...thank you for your messages. I am sorry for your struggle and your pain.

I think that straight men with gay thoughts can only do what any survivor can do -- straight, gay, bi, whatever -- do our best to live each day and work on healing and recovering.

For me, getting in touch with my feelings and clarifying my feelings is extremely helpful. It helps clear away grief to make space for joy and whatever is underneath all of the grief. It helps me understand what I am feeling and why, and that helps me know what I need to do for myself.

Writing and jourmnaling about my feelings is a very powerful tool for me. It really gives me insights into what is going on for me and what I need to do about it.

I am not so clear that abuse necessariuly has nothing to do with one's sexual orientation, or at least one's sexual desires. My sexual feelings, perceptions, feelings, desires, etc. seem to be very much influenced by my abuse. My challenge is to figure out what of my feelings, etc. is realted to the abuse, and what is not.

I am definitely on the right track in terms of clarifying all this stuff for me. Sharing here, reading some books about male survivors and the impact of the abuse, reading daily meditation books written by and for survivors, reading and saying aloud CODA affirmations every day, journaling, allowing myself the time and space to feel, etc...have all helped me make some real progress in recent weeks...one day at a time.

LanceC


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