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#51180 - 03/08/03 09:20 PM Just a great thing that happened today
Ethan_B Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 02/25/03
Posts: 15
Loc: Netherlands
In December 2001, my wife and me came across the very disturbing story of a then 5-year old boy, Jona.

His story came to us through a friend of my wife, she works for the council for the protection of children - not an institution I hold in the highest regard, although some individual staffmembers of that organisation actually do care about kids, my wife's friend being definately one of them- She told us, she was looking for a home for a very badly hurt little boy. Someplace with lots of things to explore and a place where love would be unconditional, a place where little Jona could come to terms with himself and his ordeal.

We met Jona a few days later, talked and played a bit. He liked us, and we just loved him from the start. Within the shortest possible time, he was put into our care, first as a foster-arrangement, later - because it became apparent that not only Jona kept to himself out of fear of rejection, but also because this lad really needed a stable home/some normality I suppose, we adopted Jona.

Since April of 2002 Jona has my last name, and another first name- which I shall not mention here for reasons of privacy-A new period of our lives began. For us all.

Now, anyone who adopted an older child can tell you, its a hard thing, because the child naturally carries past behaviours and hurt with it.
Jona was no exception.

He had lots of difficulty connection to people, still has but he is improving.
He is also very timid and downright scared to be touched, pretty much unavoidable with a 6 year old.

He also clearly demonstrated the very behaviour known to most of us.

As if he didn't belong. As if he was not worthy of our love to him.

Today as we were driving home, he asked me,

why I love him, why I care for him.

I was pretty blown right off the earth for a few moments. Mind you: My son of 6 asks me the very same questions I ask myself every day.


I pulled over and put him on my knee. looked straight at him and told him: I have no idea why I just do and you mean the world to me, little guy. Just don't ever think there is anything at all which would chance that. No matter what I will love you, because you are my son.

He just threw himself around my neck and kissed me.

(he never did that before! not even a goodnight kiss)

And he said this: I love you too, you're the best daddy in the intire world.

Now.

I have not cried for as long as I can recall. But today, that little guy made my face look like the Niagara falls, I can asure you of that.

Some strange twist of faith has brought this little one into our lives, and it seems we both need to grow.

I was a few years older than he is now, when I was first molested, but I think we can overcome, and this boy, my son, reminds me.

I have no choise, I have to deal with this and many things more, for he needs me to be his dad, I cannot be a kid anymore, This little guy needs me.

And I shall not fail him, the trust he has shown me he has in me, must be such a huge step for him. He took me by the hand today, and said to me that I am wanted and loved.

I have found a reason to be strong.

Thank you my son.

_________________________
Never jump without both ripcords

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#51181 - 03/08/03 09:50 PM Re: Just a great thing that happened today
The Dean Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 2080
Loc: Milwaukee, WI
Ethan, Iam sure happy that the little boy has you and you have him. What a wonderfully healing experience that must have been for both of you. I don't think it gets any better than that.

Bob

_________________________
If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.

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#51182 - 03/09/03 09:21 AM Re: Just a great thing that happened today
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Ethan,

Your story touches my heart & brings a tear to my eye. What a blessing for both of you, and for your wife as well.

Just lately I've started really thinking about how while my children are both grown & in college,
I can use my experiences in parenting them (and of course I still parent) to begin parenting my own inner child.

How great that you have the opportunity to parent your inner child & your son at the same time, so you both can grow up together. I did this some unintentionally with my girls. You will be able to do it intentionally with your boy.

You do & will indeed find great strength thru your son. My girls were sometimes the main things that kept me going thru the years. And my wife.

Ethan thanks for sharing this wonderful experience & blessing with us. Take care.

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#51183 - 03/09/03 09:30 AM Re: Just a great thing that happened today
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Ethan: What a wonderful beginning for you and your son!!! All the more reason to enjoy what you have and what life will be for you and your family

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#51184 - 03/09/03 03:08 PM Re: Just a great thing that happened today
Muldoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
Ethan What a special moment in you life, your son showing his love for you. He must trust you completely and now he can show you his full love.
Quote:
I have no choise, I have to deal with this and many things more, for he needs me to be his dad, I cannot be a kid anymore, This little guy needs me.
Your words are so true he needs you. Best of luck in your healing Muldoon

_________________________
Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

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#51185 - 03/09/03 05:25 PM Re: Just a great thing that happened today
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Ethan
You are a lucky family, and I hope you have many happy times together.

To make just one more child safe and happy is a great achievment, thank you for looking after Jona.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#51186 - 03/09/03 08:03 PM Re: Just a great thing that happened today
ScottyTodd Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/12/03
Posts: 1561
Loc: Pennsylvania
Ethan-
Thanks for sharing that tremendous story! Too often we are bombarded by the gloom and doom! We all need to hear the times of celebration and rejoicing! \:\) I deal with many many abused children and sometimes it takes hours to renew my spirit after seeing them. \:\( I shall think of that wonderful experience you shared whenever I get down. THANKS for sharing!!

_________________________
If you think you can or you can't - you're right!.......anon
It's never too late to have a happy childhood!.....anon
You're very normal for the abnormal situation you've been through..............S. Todd

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#51187 - 03/10/03 05:28 AM Re: Just a great thing that happened today
Troy Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/04/03
Posts: 12
Loc: West Coast
Wonderful! I am so happy to hear such a story of how love can rescue us. Be strong, be patient and try to be wise. The boy needs you. Now that he is giving you his love, treat it like the precious gift I know you realize it is. His trust in you is a fragile thing. Protect him from all the darkness and try to fill his life with light. Good luck and be a good Daddy. I am so thankful you shared this with us. \:\)

_________________________
Love in Life...(Troy)

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#51188 - 03/10/03 07:03 AM Re: Just a great thing that happened today
zadok1 Offline
Member

Registered: 11/05/02
Posts: 188
Loc: Ohio
Nothing seems to change a person like having a child. I can honestly say my son changed me in ways that I canít capture in words. In many ways, I have overcome abuse and addiction as much for his sake as my own. Your story really touched me, because in so many ways I have felt what you describe. Hold tight to him, and cherish him always.

jeff

_________________________
The world is a dangerous place, not because of those that are evil, but because of those who do nothing about them- Albert Einstein

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