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#51020 - 07/09/01 09:49 AM My Dad is coming to visit.
fmighell Offline
Member

Registered: 02/19/01
Posts: 276
Loc: Anchorage,Alaska
Before I was 8 years-old, I toke turns to sleep with my parents. Sometimes they would drink and have sex when I was between them.
Like they didn't notice me or something and when it came to needing their protection they didn't notice ethier.
After the devoirce, which most thought it was because of her drinking, My Dad had gotten really lonely and was drinking.
I don't know how many times my Dad and I had sex together after the devorice, too numberess to remeber, but to the point were my penis was suck loose at the tip, causing a tear and bleeding. I healed but haven't been able to pee stright, in a single line since, a reminder of what happened for the rest of my life.
My getting hurt on top of his drinking made my Dad depressed, to the point of getting out the shout-gun to kill himself and me with him. I toke the shells and hide'd them, but he did try to shoot us together. I talked him in finding someone else to marry, and we went bar hopping, and wife hunting.
My Dad did find someone else, and my brothers and sisters and my self were treated like Cinderalla and her stepmother.
So all of my brothers and sisters and myself
had moved out when we can, for me that was almost thirty years ago.
I had flashbacks of my life when I was younger and of the voilents I've lived through and last year July 2000 I went to a resdentual thirdy day treatment center to quit self medicating myself of my feelings.
My Dad had came to Alaska to visit then but I didn't want to talk to him after I told him of some of the things I remebered, and he didn't want to stay around for my oldest sons confermation at church.
So yesterday one of my sisters called and said that my Dad is coming to Alaska again to visit for two weeks. I had to many broken promises from him. I don't know, if I should see him again? or let him come to my house?
or what or how, I'd act around him?
fmighell Anc Ak


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#51021 - 07/09/01 10:34 AM Re: My Dad is coming to visit.
Brian B14 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/04/01
Posts: 122
Loc: New York
This must be a very difficult and confusing time for you. I'm sure you will come up with the right decision. Try to remember you are an adult now, you don't have to do what he says. You need to look out for whats best for you, your wife and children. I will say a prayer for you.

Good luck and God Bless,

Brian


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#51022 - 07/09/01 01:43 PM Re: My Dad is coming to visit.
SoCalJohn Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 05/18/01
Posts: 510
Loc: Los Angeles, California
fmighell,

I can only echo what brian said, your a grown man now, you can take care of yourself, you dont have to do anything you dont want to. Your house is your house, its up to you if you want to have him over or not, i hope you have time to sort your feelings out before he shows up so you know what *you* want to do.

I wish you the best.

John

_________________________
I asked him about this law he spoke of, he said,,, *watch* he then asked the others to share about their lives,,, the others talked of how things were for them, how things worked in their lives,,, and as they believed, it was so.

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#51023 - 07/10/01 09:50 AM Re: My Dad is coming to visit.
fmighell Offline
Member

Registered: 02/19/01
Posts: 276
Loc: Anchorage,Alaska
Thank you all for replying with support,
and not giving any ideas to help me with relating with someone I can't trust.
Your all to kind.
I talk with my sister again, and came to were, I will join ever one, like going out to a dinner or someplace public, but thats it.
I'm talking about a man that, when I told him that I had been hurt by his ex-coworker and ex-friend, he didn't do anything, so I call the guy's (Klous) wife and told her.
Telling about the pictures too if she didn't believe me. So she find out and left him.
Klous then came over to my house and violently sodomized me for telling.
When Klous caried me off to the car garage to traumatize me, I had seen my Dad watch from a dinning room window, close to the door I was tring to hang on to, for my life.
I didn't remeber lots of this and other times that I've been traumatized.
My Dad didn't help me. I can't trust him and my brother that remebered me being rape and telling my Dad that Klous was tring to get me and my Dad tells him that it was none of his business.
fmighell Anc Ak


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#51024 - 07/17/01 09:06 AM Re: My Dad is coming to visit.
fmighell Offline
Member

Registered: 02/19/01
Posts: 276
Loc: Anchorage,Alaska
He's here.
He wanted to hug, but I didn't.
He'll be here till the 27th.
Oh'man this is going to be a long ten days.
fmighell Anc Ak


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#51025 - 07/17/01 09:59 AM Re: My Dad is coming to visit.
SoCalJohn Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 05/18/01
Posts: 510
Loc: Los Angeles, California
fmighell,

Like Tom Petty says, stand your ground, don't back down.

Dude, you can leave his company any time you want, you dont have to do anything with him you dont want to. You have official permission to take care of yourself during the next ten days in ay way you see fit, ok?

Hang tough, your not alone, you got all of us here on your side, ok?

safe hugs to ya,

John

_________________________
I asked him about this law he spoke of, he said,,, *watch* he then asked the others to share about their lives,,, the others talked of how things were for them, how things worked in their lives,,, and as they believed, it was so.

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#51026 - 07/18/01 11:54 AM Re: My Dad is coming to visit.
Anonymous
Unregistered


You just do what's right for you. Your the one you have to live with after he's gone. another guy posted a message asking why he treated his abuser like his buddy. So you do what's right for you. if you;re not ready to make peace or whatever with him then don't do it just cause he wants to. Also if you want to talk to him about it remember that he might not say he did anything wrong, so watch out. If you try to be friends or father-son with him you might later think that your giving in. Just some thoughts. You just do what YOU need to do for YOU.


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#51027 - 07/19/01 09:15 AM Re: My Dad is coming to visit.
fmighell Offline
Member

Registered: 02/19/01
Posts: 276
Loc: Anchorage,Alaska
Thank's Brain B14, John, Billy, and big bear.
because I don't trust my Dad, it's not my Dad that has a problem, even if I'm his oldest and favorite son, he doesn't do what he use to do, a very long time ago, with me.
I'm a master when it comes to getting attendtion from my Dad, compared to my brother's and sister's. To me, they are like falling over each other to do things, with him, or spend time with.
I'm not as eager because, I don't have to.
I'm letting my brother and sister's plan the get-to-gethers, and then I can visit when I feel like it, fitting in when ever possible.
I help take care of my parents, and my kids or brothers and sisters why back when, thats why I have this control issue with myself, always whating to be in control of everything, and we all know I'm not. A multiplier-
company-
fmighell


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#51028 - 07/23/01 09:04 PM Re: My Dad is coming to visit.
fmighell Offline
Member

Registered: 02/19/01
Posts: 276
Loc: Anchorage,Alaska
HUG'S For Everyone.
I left my last post with company, my sister and her family from Fairbanks showing up at my house.

Later we all went to Seward Sealife Center.

Before we left my Dad gave me a gift, of a coin set from 1972. He said when he wanted to give them to me way back when, I ask him to put them in a safedeposit box.
I had a T-shirt of Alaska for him and a pair of little stuff polar bears for my stepmother, who doesn't ever want to come to Alaska, to take back for her.
We left each other at the Alaska Heritage Center, my sister started first with the hug's and the good-bye's, then I in-turn with everyone else, including my Dad.

They went to Fairbanks, to my sister's house.
After all this time I spent with my old faimly, Dad, brother and sister, we are as disfuctionual, as way back when.
fmighell Anc Ak :rolleyes:


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#51029 - 07/24/01 02:31 PM Re: My Dad is coming to visit.
SoCalJohn Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 05/18/01
Posts: 510
Loc: Los Angeles, California
fmighell,,

dysfunctional, is ok from a

distance.

I like what ya did dude.

John

_________________________
I asked him about this law he spoke of, he said,,, *watch* he then asked the others to share about their lives,,, the others talked of how things were for them, how things worked in their lives,,, and as they believed, it was so.

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#51030 - 07/25/01 09:47 AM Re: My Dad is coming to visit.
fmighell Offline
Member

Registered: 02/19/01
Posts: 276
Loc: Anchorage,Alaska
I just can't figure my younger sister out. She would let our Dad in her house, who hurt me sexualy when I was a boy, but she wouldn't let our brother to her house who had sex with a boy of fifteen. So it's OK for our Dad and it's not for our brother. My younger sister must be under a dream, I know we older ones all sleep with our parents, taking turns.
Life style may make a differents, age, drinking, character.
fmighell Anc Ak

[ 07-25-2001: Message edited by: fmighell ]


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#51031 - 07/25/01 10:27 AM Re: My Dad is coming to visit.
SoCalJohn Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 05/18/01
Posts: 510
Loc: Los Angeles, California
fmighell,

I have enough trouble figuring out what i am thinking, i gave up trying to figure out what others are thinking. It makes no sense to me that she would be doing that, she must be looking at a different set of things than you are and making her decisions from a different place, i hope your not taking it personal cus i really doubt she is trying to send any kind of message to you.

Hand in there, your dealing with it!

John

_________________________
I asked him about this law he spoke of, he said,,, *watch* he then asked the others to share about their lives,,, the others talked of how things were for them, how things worked in their lives,,, and as they believed, it was so.

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#51032 - 07/26/01 09:41 AM Re: My Dad is coming to visit.
fmighell Offline
Member

Registered: 02/19/01
Posts: 276
Loc: Anchorage,Alaska
Daddy child molesters are, OK
but Brother child molesters are not ok.
sex wasn't the primary issue,
My sister told my brother that he drinks to much so he wasn't welcome to stay at her house. Beliving he would go out at nite and drink up, then return to her house all drunk.
Our Dad drinks also but when visiting he dosen't drink. So after drinking the chance of doing something under the infulence, is the problem, secondary issue.
To my knowledege one doesn't have to be under the infulence to do something of a sexual nature.
fmighell Anc Ak


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