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#50715 - 07/06/01 11:51 AM Should I look up an old girlfriend ?
dan_in_newengland Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/01
Posts: 162
Loc: Mass
A brief history: abused as a kid, spent 20 years telling myself it did not have an efect on me (it did). 10 years ago I met a woman who told me abuse happend in her family but not to her, I strongly suspect it did. I fell in love with her but it did not work out. 3 years after that I went into therapy made a lot of progress and made a better life for myself. Now I realize there are more effects in my life that I want to work on.
I have been searching the net, found this group, and a few others. As I read all the stuff in the groups, I think of her, and want to contact her. I want to apologize, I want to explain, I want to hold her, I want to get back together.
It seems part of my healing is conected to her. Can anyone relate ? Any advice ?


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#50716 - 07/06/01 01:08 PM Re: Should I look up an old girlfriend ?
Anonymous
Unregistered


Hi again, Dan,

It seems that we are somewhat neighbors. I live in Massachusetts also. \:\)

I think that it makes a lot of sense for you to want to try and make some peace with your old girlfriend. The bond that forms between people who share something like you shared with her can often be very strong. It is never easy to talk about being a survivor and it sounds like she was very understanding.

One thing that you need to be prepared for is the possibility that she may be in a relationship with someone else or she might not be receptive to listening to what you have to say.

In any cxase, whatever you decide to do, please know that you will receive support here. That is the great thing about this place.

Peace,

Jim


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#50717 - 07/06/01 02:19 PM Re: Should I look up an old girlfriend ?
Anonymous
Unregistered


Hi, Dan, and welcome! I, too, am new here. It sounds to me like your gut is drawing you to contact your old girl friend. I have found that when my inner voice (gut) is leading me somewhere, it is usually right on, even though sometimes where it takes me is very painful. What matters is trying to do what i need to do for myself and my recovery, even if it hurts.

Good luck...and yes, indeed, you will find support here no matter what you decide.

Lance


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#50718 - 07/06/01 06:19 PM Re: Should I look up an old girlfriend ?
Anonymous
Unregistered


Hey,

I went through the same situation as you did just 6 months ago. I wanted to be with my old girlfriend very badly, because she was the only one I ever told, and I really wanted it to work out again. Were still in contact, but I hurt her too badly by ignoring her, not returning her calls, etc. for us to ever be together again. I don't know what your situation is, but my advice is to go for it. The thing I liked most about contacting my ex is that I was able to say I was sorry for what I had done, and that made me feel better about what happened between us. Good Luck.

Stephen


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#50719 - 07/07/01 03:57 PM Re: Should I look up an old girlfriend ?
Anonymous
Unregistered


There are alot of posts here about guys in the same boat. Go for it, but be prepared. at least you can say your sorry.

I gotta keep saying this. don't take it out on your wife or girl friend! see how many posts there are about this. there have been so many guys who pushed their lady away and then regretted it. don't push her away. let her in. let her help. if you have someone to support you through this, hold her close.


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#50720 - 07/08/01 07:23 PM Re: Should I look up an old girlfriend ?
dan_in_newengland Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/01
Posts: 162
Loc: Mass
thank you everyone, I am considering the next action.

There is a lot of support here, and I am grateful for it.

Jim are you comfortable telling me where in MA you are ?


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#50721 - 07/09/01 07:21 AM Re: Should I look up an old girlfriend ?
Anonymous
Unregistered


Dan,

I live in Worcester.

Where are you?

Jim


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#50722 - 07/09/01 07:33 AM Re: Should I look up an old girlfriend ?
dan_in_newengland Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/01
Posts: 162
Loc: Mass
I am up the highway from you in lowell


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#50723 - 07/10/01 12:27 PM Re: Should I look up an old girlfriend ?
Anonymous
Unregistered


Dan,

You are not far from Worcester at all. Cool.

Jim


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#50724 - 07/20/01 09:24 AM Re: Should I look up an old girlfriend ?
Anonymous
Unregistered


Dan, did you decide to call your girl friend? Keep us posted. I;m rootin for ya.


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