Michael, Michael, Michael - I am so sorry I didn't reply right away. I just now noticed your post - I'm not used to this system yet and didn't look - actually, I have been obsessing with issues and spent the last 12 hours writing a post which I plan to make - but I now how it is to send something out cause I know I want an instant response in yours has taken days!
I would love to talk about early abuse and recovery of memories - I need to work on it, too. I am so familiar with what you are going through...the upset it causes...I totally support you - it takes such courage to go on sometimes...to face this stuff, especially when it has been deeply buried for a long time...
I discovered, (recovered) my abuse experiences a couple years ago in therapy and went into a tail spin with lots of symptoms and depression and regrets and feelings of loss since in a way, I got to walk the walk without getting to talk the talk, by that I mean that I had all the symptoms and they interfered with my life for 50 years but never knew where they came from, I just thought I was "defective" - so in some ways there was a lot of relief to discover the origins and then begin to see what the symptoms were about - but in other ways it was an utter drag to see what they had done to my life, two marriages, parenting of four kids, my self-esteme etc. etc.
I finally after about a year and one-half, quit thinking about it, processing it, doing therapy, and gradually slipped back into a safe denial - along with creeping depression -
But a combination of an abusive client that I couldn't take anymore and the pending "back labor day" which is a dangerous day/weekend for me emotionally caused a full ptss episode and I was awoke from it once again and had to get busy with it of it would consume me.
I would like to share with you much more - and I want to be there for you since it sounds like you are really going through it - also I really need to work on these issues and have never had people to talk to about the specialized symptoms or the recovery process from very early abuse - look for a personal post - I'll be around most rest of today and tomorrow - writing is therapy I need to do right now to get through the weekend....Thad
"..this place isn't a discussion forum..it's a portal..." Lupin
"The truth will set you free, but first it will probably piss you off." dwf's AA sponsor.