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#50158 - 12/05/06 04:59 AM Re: what i learned
batcountry Offline
Member

Registered: 09/20/06
Posts: 263
Loc: the ether
thanks jacob, for your response. i see what you mean and i guess i didnt think about it like that before...

but i do have a question... how do you tell who are the good people? i just dont think im willing to let myself get hurt and beat around by selfish or cruel people to find the few good ones.

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#50160 - 12/05/06 05:19 AM Re: what i learned
batcountry Offline
Member

Registered: 09/20/06
Posts: 263
Loc: the ether
thanks jacob. i guess i was hoping there was some other way i didn't know about, but life is never that easy. i guess it is a choice i have to make then, but i think it's already made... because there were too many times i let myself get hurt... and although it hurts to be alone at least it means i cant get hurt by anyone like that. i dont know. its like a choice between 2 different kinds of pain. it sucks.

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#50161 - 12/05/06 06:43 AM Re: what i learned
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
Hi B.C.

You asked an important question. One that I think everyone of us have asked ourselves at some point and are still asking.
Quote:
i do have a question... how do you tell who are the good people? i just don't think I'm willing to let myself get hurt and beat around by selfish or cruel people to find the few good ones.
I'll have to agree with Jacob in that I guess we need to come to the place where we are secure enough in ourselves that when someone rejects, or attempts to take advantage of us, we are able to let it slide off and simply say. "Oh well, that's their problem not mine."

Another way of putting it is that in order to make a lifetime friend, we have to be willing to be vulnerable to hurt. Then if we do get hurt we simply move on instead of being destroyed by the hurt.

It's a lot easier for me to say than it is to do, of course, but I think I'm getting there. Hope you can see the progress in your own life as well.

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#50162 - 12/05/06 10:27 AM Re: what i learned
endlessjourney Offline
Member

Registered: 11/01/05
Posts: 518
Loc: Cincinnati Ohio
I trust you. I was sexually abused by my brother and a close family friend. Do I think that you'll use that against me? Not a chance in hell from what I know about you. I'm willing to take that risk. Not everyone is out there to manipulate us. After what we've learned, we are all smart and strong enough to know who is bullshi''in and who isn't. We are strong. If you feel that way, I understand. However, I am willing to disclose anything about myself that you may be curious about because I trust you. You also are not the only person out there I can trust. It's important not to rob ourselves of the potential trusting relationships we can have. HAVING COURAGE IS THE KEY! Be strong my friend!

Much love,
Jason

_________________________
Truth is the very reason we strive to live. It surrounds and resides within us. Accepting the truths we already know and seeking out those we do not is a direct path to inner balance and joy. For life is not a means to an end, but a journey. Life comes and goes but the truth will always live on.

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#50163 - 12/05/06 08:02 PM Re: what i learned
Nobbynobs Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/26/05
Posts: 1286
Loc: Toronto
Quote:
Originally posted by batcountry:
its like a choice between 2 different kinds of pain. it sucks.
Well look at it another way. Choosing to be alone guarantees you will be forever in pain. Choosing to trust gives you the chance at peace, but at the risk of pain. What is peace worth to you?

_________________________
When you go up to the bell, ring it! Or don't go up to the bell.

- Mel Brooks

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#50164 - 12/05/06 09:31 PM Re: what i learned
batcountry Offline
Member

Registered: 09/20/06
Posts: 263
Loc: the ether
nobby that does make sense...

but there is also the fact that im very used to this aloneness pain... it's normal for me. so it doesnt hurt as much as it would if it were new. meaning, it will hurt less than the new pain of trusting people and getting hurt...

_________________________
nothing to see here

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#50165 - 12/07/06 02:00 AM Re: what i learned
midnight51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/02/03
Posts: 132
i have felt this way too... there is no real advice i think anyone can give for feeling like this...

find the happy place inside you batcountry

_________________________
http://midnight61.blogspot.com/

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#50166 - 12/07/06 09:41 AM Re: what i learned
VN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 723
Well, to your question, I think you are wrong. But how it is I could prove it to you? I can not. All I have is my opinion and my experiences, and then I feel you would say I am making it all about me.

I read of what you say, and it feels to me very much of someone in pain, in great pain, even as you feel you are use to it and it do not hurt you so much. I wish there is way to convince you to try to leave that pain behind. But again, I can not do that, because it is only I can by speaking of what work for me. And it seem you do not wish that.

I will say that, for me, something that work is I am seeing more I find what I seek. If I wish to look for the bad of the world, it is very easy to find. But if I decide to make effort to find the good, the happy, the positive, well, that exists also.

VN


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