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#50147 - 12/04/06 05:12 AM what i learned
batcountry Offline
Member

Registered: 09/20/06
Posts: 263
Loc: the ether
i learned to trust no one and that everyone is out for their own interests. i learned that no one gives a shit about me or anyone else. i learned that people will stab you in the back and use any weakness you have against you. i learned to keep my head down and my eyes and ears open. i learned never to put my guard down unless i wanted to get hurt. i learned that there is no such thing as help. i learned that i was in the way. i learned that if i entered someone's radar they would try to use me. i learned the only way to defend myself was violence. i learned to lie. i learned never to be surprised. i learned to always be prepared for someone to turn on me. i learned that nothing and no one lasts and never, ever to love.

and no matter how much people here try to convince me i am wrong, i can't believe them. i didn't learn all this because someone told me, i learned it through my own eyes and ears, through experience. through all my life. how am i supposed to think this isnt true? everyone i met acted just like me or if they didnt they learned to real quick. it's the world. it's how you survive.

am i wrong? people here seem to think i am. but this is what i learned and as far as im concerned it is how the world works and i havent seen anything to tell me otherwise.

_________________________
nothing to see here

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#50148 - 12/04/06 04:11 PM Re: what i learned
scooter Offline
Member

Registered: 05/23/05
Posts: 76
As I open up to others with the painful experiences of my life, I learn that everyone is wounded. I've always imagined that everyone else is perfect and together, while I was a mess in the world - portraying on the outside what I thought everyone else was on the inside.

I feel quite alone because I wanted a perfect world for a sense of security, but I'm having to find that in myself by healing my wounds. I've been singing a song lately from Shrek II - "People, They Ain't No Good."

What I'm learning lately is that many of the relationships I'd developed through life were very unhealthy and now I'm trying to meet new people and to be healthy myself, regardless of their wounds. As I'm more honest many of my current relationships are strained and the "dance" has had to change.

Through it all though my wife has shown me that there is unconditional love and support and at least one person in the world with her stuff together. She has walked it all with me and has honored the journey. It is hard to be so intimate at times and I feel vulnerable since she knows everything about me. My wife continues to prove to me that there are people that are honest, caring, and full of love.


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#50149 - 12/04/06 04:32 PM Re: what i learned
froggy12 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/06
Posts: 527
Loc: Marlboro, MA 01752
Know what you mean. Every time I open up and reveal myself to those I trust, I get kicked in the balls and they stand over me laughing.

Pessimism is one of my better qualities, but if I stay in this shit pile, I will drown. I have struggled longer than some of you have been alive. I don't know how I lasted this long, but maybe it's because I have some empathy for my compatriots of the lost brigade who know my feelings of rejection, spit at (not literally) and implied that I am basic low life and big deal I was molested. "Get over it. Don't bother me with incidentals. I'm busy."
Yeah, sure ass hole. But I have this group.

My my, such a positive outlook I have today. Must be the coffee...not enough.

_________________________
??

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#50150 - 12/04/06 04:47 PM Re: what i learned
batcountry Offline
Member

Registered: 09/20/06
Posts: 263
Loc: the ether
see what i mean?

it's all about everyone else.

_________________________
nothing to see here

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#50151 - 12/04/06 05:16 PM Re: what i learned
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Hey, this is what we all feel, let down and re-abused by those we tell of past abuse.

Nobody understands, go away etc.,etc.
I am nobodys teacher in life, but you guys know it, and that is all that matters,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#50152 - 12/04/06 05:24 PM Re: what i learned
batcountry Offline
Member

Registered: 09/20/06
Posts: 263
Loc: the ether
that isnt even what i was talking about but it doesn't matter

_________________________
nothing to see here

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#50153 - 12/04/06 08:13 PM Re: what i learned
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
try using your head sometime there is a thing in there called a brain it can be very usefull .ms is not about feeling sorry for ourselves its about sharing the pain and sharing any ways we have of coping with said pain. sometimes things we say have a way of comming back to haunt us huh?

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#50154 - 12/05/06 01:04 AM Re: what i learned
Unmensch Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/04/06
Posts: 1
Loc: Germany
Hi, I'm new here... I am extremely reluctant to trust anyone with anything, and calculate the risk so I don't stand to lose too much if my trust is abused... but...

So far, most people I've told about my abuse have been ok with it. I've had the odd idiotic reaction -- "So, you're like gay, or what?", or "Hey you should be glad it wasn't worse" (I love that one)... but the reactions have mostly been good. My abusers abused me... they knew what they were doing... but everyone else in my life is trying to get by with theirs, just like me. And I'm not the only one with problems.

Grtz, Unmensch


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#50155 - 12/05/06 02:47 AM Re: what i learned
batcountry Offline
Member

Registered: 09/20/06
Posts: 263
Loc: the ether
what are you talking about shadowkid? when did i say anything about feeling sorry for myself? i posted something that was on my mind but apparently that isnt ok here?

i already apologized to you about the war thing and i thought we had come to terms about it but apparently not, i guess you like to hold grudges.

i just think everyone misunderstood what i was saying because none of the replies have anything to do with what i said.

_________________________
nothing to see here

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#50156 - 12/05/06 03:14 AM Re: what i learned
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
sorry i missed the apology

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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