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#50099 - 07/25/06 01:30 AM Re: Grooming
Syntaxed Offline
Member

Registered: 07/12/06
Posts: 54
Loc: St Louis, MO
Quote:
Originally posted by Kirk Wayne:
...today I fight the paedos head on by infiltrating their message boards (no graphics or imagry) and forward what I find out to the appropiate authorities by way of other friends within the survivor community...
Good for you!

I visited the NAMBLA (North American Man Boy Love Association, I think is what the acronym stands for) site a few years ago and it made me fucking sick. There were message boards on this site where the sick bastards compared notes on how to get a kid into bed.

I remember the one that made me almost puke and forced me to literally turn off my computer involved some guy explaining how he started out letting the kid swim in his pool and then "suggested" that he take a shower afterward. He'd peeked a couple of times, but was really looking for some advice on how to proceed. And, of course, there were a bunch of suggestions. Fuckers.

Personally, I think the internet is fueling child sexual abuse. It used to be that these people had to hide in the shadows. If they wanted child porn, they had to find it in obscure places or risk having it sent through the mail. They were certainly not part of any peer group. Now, with the internet, they can readily get child porn, talk to kids in chat rooms (with video for God's sake), and, with these message boards, they're part of a clique, giving each other advice and empowering each other to take the next step.

I believe with all my heart that we're going to see an explosion of CSA over the next 50 years. It scares the hell out of me.

As my wife says, if we went after all the sexual abusers in this country, the country would collapse. There aren't enough jails, and the number of political and religious and business and educational leaders who would go down would absolutely cripple us.

And look at the devastation it's doing. To us. To our families. To our kids. I've only been here a few days, but it looks like we're all pretty much on the same ride, and the ride gets out of control and affects everyone around us.

I'm sorry, I guess this was a little off topic, but I just had to say Kudos to Kirk. I wish I had the stomach to do what he's doing.

It's sickening.

_________________________
At present: 1 step forward, 3 steps back.

http://sleepeatrepeat.blogspot.com

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#50100 - 07/25/06 01:45 AM Re: Grooming
Kirk Wayne Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/05
Posts: 499
Loc: Shrewsbury UK
Jaysen

I apologize for not thinking my posting through it was very insensitive of me and pretty gross to think that no one may have been in your situation when I know that some have.

I am sure I would think differently if it had happened to me. I was raped a few times by different perps and that was painfull enough both pysically and mentally if I had recieved a beating as well I am pretty sure that would have caused its own set of problems.

Those rapes have consequncies even to this day. Earlier today I had an appoinment at the hospital for yet another internal examination as I suffer from tearing of my retum (anal fissure) and heamoroids I find the examination extremely upsetting, not the actual examination but the feeling after it feels as though I have been screwed again. Its half past one in the morning over here in the UK and Im still up as I cannot sleep because it is too hot and my tail end hurts like hell as I have had my heamoroids banded and the sensation is not enjoyable whatsoever and my mind keeps wandering back to events in 1971 because of the sensations I am feeling. Its a real pisser but I will get through it as this is not the first and I am sure it wont be the last time I go through this.

Thankyou Syntax I will accept those kind words with the grace they deserve but in all honesty I want to beat the bastards at their own game and as they say knowledge is power ..... Any of us could do what I am doing as we all know their>

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#50101 - 07/25/06 02:20 AM Re: Grooming
melliferal Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/03/05
Posts: 1159
Jaysen, Kirk can say that because he hasn't been taken advantage of in the violent way; he has no frame of reference. He may have general idea of what it would have been like, perhaps, but based on incomplete data. I was in his shoes when I was younger - having to deal with being abused is bad enough; it's absolutely gut-wrenching to think that you went along with or enjoyed it, as I'm sure you understand. For a while, I too wished I had been attacked and violently abused, because it would've made things SIMPLE (in my mind). In such a case, I'd be able to say "He was three times my size, and I fought but just couldn't win." Instant victim - no questions asked. Instead, I had to deal with the fact that I'd said "Yes", that nobody forced me to keep going over and doing those things, but I went and did them anyway. Such thoughts were terrible.

My parents were never the lovey-dovey type with me. They were very instructive and respectful and supportive of things I wanted to do, they just weren't terribly affectionate. They did the best they could in their way, and I have no complaints whatsoever. But when my perpetrators started grooming me, their job was ridiculously easy. The affection and flirting and attention was bizzare in a good way; like some kind of cocaine, and like the mouse in that old anti-drug commercial, I was willing to spend all day hitting the button over and over again to get the machine to dispense more. They took me to Sea World with their kids; to water parks, to the caverns. We did cool stuff, things my parents hadn't able to afford to do with me (again, not their fault). My parents at the time were in the middle of a divorce anyway, and the people I was staying with just regarded me as a low-maintenance light fixture or something, so I suppose you could say the perps "touched me in all the right places" before the abuse started. I liked them, they were great people. They treated me like an adult, like an equal. I thought they did all this because they genuinely liked and respected me. It felt very good. When the sex started, physical pleasure aside, there was of course some emotional uneasiness about the situation. I knew something wasn't quite right. But in the scale of my mind, the wonderful feeling of being respected and liked outweighed the troubling feelings. Like any junkie, my addiction overruled any reservations I may have had about any activities necessary to feed it.

_________________________
Children cannot consent; they can only comply.

Oprah's resources for male survivors

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#50102 - 07/25/06 02:27 AM Re: Grooming
Kirk Wayne Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/05
Posts: 499
Loc: Shrewsbury UK
"They treated me like an adult, like an equal. I thought they did all this because they genuinely liked and respected me. It felt very good. When the sex started, physical pleasure aside, there was of course some emotional uneasiness about the situation. I knew something wasn't quite right. But in the scale of my mind, the wonderful feeling of being respected and liked outweighed the troubling feelings. Like any junkie, my addiction overruled any reservations I may have had about any activities necessary to feed it".

Thats just about hit the nail on the head for me milliferal.

Kirk
"Lets grab this bull by the horns and swing it about a bit"


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#50103 - 07/25/06 01:02 PM Re: Grooming
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
Thanks again everyone for your responses.

When I started this post, I thought it might at least help a few of the newer people here. I thought that there may be a few comments added.

What's happened is that many of you have opened up and said what it really feels like. I can see it all now from the 'real' perspective that was forming in my mind.

It's all bad, however it happened. Lets throw the guilt out of the window, and back at the perverted paedophiles that brought us all here!

We are decent people, they are not!

Best wishes ...Rik

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

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#50104 - 07/25/06 01:28 PM Re: Grooming
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
Nicely said Rik.


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#50105 - 10/22/06 07:54 PM Re: Grooming
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
Larry - thought I'd bring this one back to the top to complement your current post on grooming.

It's got many very good responses, so I thought it may benefit some of the newer people here.

Best wishes ...Rik

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

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#50106 - 10/22/06 08:57 PM Re: Grooming
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
I was thinking about this topic, and Hell it had nothing to do with me, but it did.
This guy always used to turn up at places after following me with friends.

This was after abuse, but it scared me, and he just seemed to know what kids wanted and say, hey, I got this and that for nothing just come pick it up.

I did find out where he lived and young boys came and went, but he really had his radar on me.
I only remember being terrified to tell anyone.

They wont believe you, or think you are a whore boy is what I would have thought, but hey, this is what they did to you, they knew you would be terrified to tell.

That is what kept us silent,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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