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#50025 - 07/02/03 01:16 PM Whats going on with me :(
Nathan LaChine Offline
Webmaster
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/22/03
Posts: 5379
Loc: Washington State
Hi guys,

I am sure some of you are woried about me from the chatroom last night. I am sorry if I worried you guys. My parents called me and where very mad that I am still with Vicki. Vicki is 32 years older then me. THe said I am hurting the whole fmaily and if I stay with her they will not talk with me again. I dont want to cause any more pain to them.

They do have a point that it is very weird for the two of us to be together. I do not have any friedns and I am isalated from my own peer group and my family. I am thinking that I will be leaving Kansas at the end of the month and return to washington. I have been thinking about this for the last night.

I am in pain because no matter what I do I am hurting people I care about. So I am going to do the greater good and move back to washington start over again. I just dont know how to breka the news to Vicki. So I have alot of things hitting me right now. I am also working 80 plus hours so I have alot of things of hitting me right now.


lots of love, Nathan


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#50026 - 07/02/03 01:31 PM Re: Whats going on with me :(
The Dean Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 2080
Loc: Milwaukee, WI
Nathan, my goodness Lad, you do have way to much to bear these days.

Your work alone seems overwhelming to me--especially in what you called "cubicle hell."

Am I wrong in thinking that you are legally married to Vicki? If that is the case there sure are some legal matters to get through.

You know you have our loving support in what you do.
Your difference in age seems to be causing you a lot of pain and lots of loss. I think if that is all explained to Vicki she may well realize that perhaps she is keeping you from being the (still teen guy?) that you are.

If we can help you with this in anyway, let us know. But this is truly something that you and Vickli need to work out in a way that will be best for both of you.

Did you live in Washington State? or D.C.?
Washington State is beautiful. It sounds like that is where home is for you.

Peace brother,

Bob

_________________________
If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.

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#50027 - 07/02/03 01:31 PM Re: Whats going on with me :(
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Nathan my brother. Just remember that whatever you do it is for you and nobody else. Do not give into any pressure whatsoever from anyone. We did once and look where it got us.

Just a thought Nathan.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#50028 - 07/02/03 01:38 PM Re: Whats going on with me :(
Nathan LaChine Offline
Webmaster
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/22/03
Posts: 5379
Loc: Washington State
Bob,

Vicki and I are not legally married. So their is no legal troubles with me leaving. I mean no matter what I do I will hurt someone I care for. I am starting to think that the age keeps me from being a teen. I am just un sure on if I really want to move back. I am not going to be able to do much about it this week since I am working so I will just deal with it next week. O it's Washington State that I would move back to Bob.

Mioke thank you for that post but I always seem to live my life for others. If I move back I make everyone happy and I think I could be happy also. I could not worrie about bills. Live rent free. Go to college for free. I think I could live fine their.


lots of love, Nathan


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#50029 - 07/02/03 05:44 PM Re: Whats going on with me :(
horseboy Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 06/30/03
Posts: 17
Loc: nowhereland
Dear Nathan,

Those are some hard issues you face, and without saying you can't deal with them, you prove you can by expressing doubt, I would like to offer my thoughts.

Please do not force yourself to be anything other than who you are, a teen with a lot more to carry than most. That's enough, you don't need anything more.
You have a right to be happy, and live in comfort, please do not deny yourself what's left of your childhood.
Its not a sign of weakness or defeatism to return home, and yes I agree with Bob, that Vicky should know, because of her age, that you are still a lad really, and could well be in over your head.
Also, your wish not to hurt the ones you care about is noble, but at times a sacrife too great for a boy your age, only trouble is you need age to be aware of what it is you sacrifice.
For your own sake, and future happiness (I read your profile, it states you are interested in living a better life) Go home to Washington, go for that college education and become a man in the time nature has provided for you to become one. Be a boy, make mistakes, learn, cry if you fall, allow yourself to be helped in getting up again and for the love of Christ, don't ruin your health by working hours considered inhumane even a 100 years ago!
Life is hard enough without us making it harder still, Nathan. You have done your time, go enjoy freedom and life.

Erik

_________________________
The Lord doesn't aid the mighty battalions, He aids the one that is the best shot.

Voltaire.

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#50030 - 07/02/03 06:20 PM Re: Whats going on with me :(
James_dup1 Offline


Registered: 04/13/02
Posts: 1332
Loc: Wyoming
Nathan,
Hey man, sounds like you do have a full plate that any man any age would have problems dealing with. Working 80 hours a week is hard enough, but to have to defend yourself to your parents about the choice of person you want to live with is probley the worst. All I would like to say to you is this........If your happy with her stay, if not look to see what you need in your life to make you happy. Dont ley anyone (not your parents, not any of thy guys here) tell you that because of the age difference is anything other than that. AGE! It's just a number. Look you can go to school where your at now. Lots of company's have a rembursment program to incurage there employee's to go to higher education, talk to your h.r. department about this. They may pay some of it for you. Just dont let your parents stop you from being happy. If they have a problem with the age difference it's there problem not yours. Dont own it like it's yours. Let them own it. Do they even know her? Are they just saying these things because of the age? See when I met laura she was 3 months along with OUR first child. My mom had a fit when I told her we were dating, I was 18 at the time. She told me I was to young to have a ready made family, he child wasnt my responablty, I didnt have to take care of her it wasnt my fault she was preg. I didnt leason to her, I told her I loved her and loving her ment I loved the child as well. Now I have a great 16 yo daughter. Im not her step father Im her daddy period. So you do what you think you have to for you and dont let anyone tell you whats best for your life. Your the one that lives it not your parents not the guys on this board. So good luck with this brother. Just know this no matter what you decide, know you have my support.

_________________________
I have more issues than Rolling Stone!


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#50031 - 07/02/03 07:37 PM Re: Whats going on with me :(
Bill_1965 Offline
Chat Mod Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/29/03
Posts: 1983
Loc: Flint, Michigan
Nathan,

The tough choices you have in front of you are yours and yours alone. They won't be easy to make, but the answers and strenght to make them ARE deep within you.

You shouldn't make your decisions upon what other people want, but what you want. The only person you have to answer to, is yourself. The person you look at in the mirror everyday.

The only thing you owe your parents is respect. Respect isn't catering to their wants. It is honoring their choices and lives and, moreover, being the best you that you can be.

Age shouldn't be a factor in your relationship, as long as you are both adults, as you are. Its as irrelevant as the color of a persons skin or the color and make of the car they drive. What matters is what you feel about that person and what you want. The decision boils down to this: is this person what you want in a lifelong partner and compainion. This is where you need to be truely honest with yourself. If your honest with yourself the answer will be obvious.

If you stay with someone for the comfort of it, you are doing both of you a huge injustice and cause more pain down-the-line. If you leave them because it would be easier, the regrets will eat you from the inside out. It's not a easy choice to make, nobody ever said that it would, but the choice is yours and yours alone. No matter what you decide, somebody will be affected. That's just the way life is. But if they love you as it sounds they do, they will understand and honor your decision.

You can go to school in any state and in any city you want. There are ways to pay for it.
There are places to work other than where your at now. There are other professions. There are so many possibilities out there - all you have to do is decide what you want and go for it. Nothing truely worthwhile is handed to you without effort.

I know I didn't make your decissions any easier. Nobody can make them easier for you. These are life altering choices you are faced with.

Be true to yourself and you will find the choices become easier and you become happier.

Bill

_________________________
Pain is Temporary; Quitting lasts Forever. - Lance Armstrong

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#50032 - 07/02/03 07:48 PM Re: Whats going on with me :(
outis Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2260
Loc: Maryland USA
Nathan,

You do have a lot to consider. And I see you are considering a lot of people's feelings. Please consider your own. They're important, too, you know.

Joe

_________________________
"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

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#50033 - 07/03/03 01:51 AM Re: Whats going on with me :(
Ivanhoe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/19/03
Posts: 1907
Hey, Nathan, buddy.

Did I hear that you did or did not have a counselor/therapist?

You've gotten some good advice from your brothers, here. But it is to a counselor that I would go if I were faced with the decisions that you're having to decide.

If you're working 80 plus hours, you should be able to afford the best counselor/therapist for the couple of sessions that you'd need to work through this--I don't know when you'd find the time to see a counselor, however.

I don't like the statements from your parents when they say that they will never talk to you again unless you do what they say--they sound like they could use some counseling themselves.

What took you to Kansas in the first place, that tornado?--just kidding, it's late and I'm losing it. Seriously, was it a difference of opinion with your folks?

You've got advice from all sides, now, and it is my hope, that you know, that whatever you decide to do, Nathan, please remember, that you are loved and needed here.

David

_________________________
"No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence."
George Eliot

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#50034 - 07/03/03 02:03 AM Re: Whats going on with me :(
bowman Offline
Member

Registered: 04/19/03
Posts: 72
Hey Nathan,
I don't have any dvice to add, just my respect for you and my support for whatever you decide. Listen to your brothers here, listen to yourself. Talk with Vicki. Look at your options.
Ken


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