Rick, you should not make statements like this,

Nobby is correct on the child analogy, and it was early on that I forgave.
If you want to live in anger curdling your blood, that is your path you choose.

Others try to get beyond it and leave it behind, and forgiving is the biggest part I ever did,

ste

Would you please read what I have written, then I may not need to make such statements.

Anyone that wishes to forgive can do - that is for them to decide.

What you can't do is tell other people that they must also forgive.

Some things are simply unforgiveable! Please do not tell me that they are! A 40+ year career as a paedophile only stopped, because I stopped it! Not a one off instance. Not someone of a similar young age experimenting! As I stated above - I only get wound up / angry about the one that I got convicted now, when other people tell me to forgive! it is not there choice to make!

Yes I have forgiven myself, as I have repeatedly stated.

Best wishes...Rik

Whatever???

John, I'm not enough of a theologian to comment intelligently on Matthew 18(which contains the millstone parable), but in general in that section of Matthew Jesus is talking about the fates of unrepentant sinners, and the nature of God's salvation and forgiveness.

As food for thought I'll quote a few more passages from Matt 18:

" 2He called a little child and had him stand among them. 3And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. 4Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

5"And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me. 6But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea."

7"Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to sin! Such things must come, but woe to the man through whom they come!""

I'd love to discuss this but I suggest we open a new thread in the Spirituality forum. I'll start it off.

so why isnt my perp sinking into the sea with a stone around his neck?

He is! And if he isnt yet, he will be, for all eternity,

ste

You know, long ago a man said almost exactly the same thing to me.

I have read what you have written, and I have tried to respond to you as honestly as I can. Your response has been to try to call me out by questioning my integrity and calling me an apologist for perps. And now you have blamed me for your actions.

I reported my perp to the police, and he is in their hands now. When the time comes, I will testify against him in court in order to have him convicted. This is my responsibility as a citizen. I would do exactly the same thing for any perp that I encountered. They are dangerous and society needs to be protected from them.

However, NONE of this has had any bearing on my decision to forgive him. THAT decision was based on my acceptance of the fact that we are both human, and both able to make mistakes.

Do not accuse me of being an apologist until you know exactly where I am coming from. Like you, I was raped, and like you, I brought my perp to justice. I have felt the same pain as you, and I have been through the same hell as you.

I have been participating in this discussion because I feel that forgiveness has a very important place in recovery. It worked for me, and I know it has worked for others because they have been sending me private messages since this discussion began.

Forgiveness may not be your path, but I ask you to not attack me for trying to help others who want to follow this path.

please dont look down on those who dont choose to follow that path. thats what i feel from this thread that if i dont forgive i am doomed to a life of misery,that somehow i am a bad person for not being able to give in .

Has anyone here confronted their abuser?

I was going to but the first one died back in 1994, and the second one killed himself just after I started coming here. I never really had the chance but I think I would have.