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#49986 - 12/14/06 01:15 AM Re: FORGIVE????????
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
shadowkid,

I do not feel you to be a bad person. You are not and perhaps never will be in the same place that others here are or will be. That does not say anything bad about you. It only says you are not in the same place they are.

I'm not saying that anyone here is doing this, but the human tendency is to believe that what works for me will work for everyone else therefore the person who doesn't do it the way I do it is wrong and is somehow less as an individual.

I've seen it happen time after time by people from every walk of life. Christian or atheist, democrat or republican, liberal or conservative, male or female, there is a certain portion of society who tries to impose their own code on their fellow travelers and it simply does not work and is wrong.

For me, the rule of thumb I use when it comes to the subject of forgiveness is to question if the feelings I'm holding regarding an individual are harming me and my walk in life. I've found that bitterness and hatred are poison to me. I hate what taxi guy did to me. I always will, but at some point in the last couple of years I let the bitterness and hatred go.

Does that mean I've forgiven him? I don't see it that way, but maybe I have. I do know that in order for me to progress any further in my recovery I had to let it go. If he were to suddenly appear in my life today I'd do what I could to get him convicted and put away for as long as possible because I believe it's my civic duty to do so. Even then, for my own good I cannot see myself bringing back the bitterness and hate into my life.

But that's me. For me to tell you that you must do the same is absurd. I may or may not believe you should, but that is not mine to say. It's yours and you will cross that bridge if and when you are ready to.

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#49987 - 12/14/06 02:29 AM Re: FORGIVE????????
Nobbynobs Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/26/05
Posts: 1286
Loc: Toronto
Quote:
Originally posted by innerstrength:
Has anyone here confronted their abuser?
Not directly but I reported him to the police.

_________________________
When you go up to the bell, ring it! Or don't go up to the bell.

- Mel Brooks

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#49988 - 12/14/06 03:20 AM Re: FORGIVE????????
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
i have,i got what i expected from it ,nothing.i saw my abuser face to face just over a year ago,at my grans funeral ,he had just got out of prison , i avoided him as much as i could ,he walked past me leaned in close to me and whispered ,hey adam your still the best fuck i ever had ,tell me now that i need to forgive him ,and yes i put him in prison ,and yes he reoffended and is back in prison now . john thanks for understanding k?thats all i wanted from this thread ,to be understood . adam

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#49989 - 12/14/06 02:18 PM Re: FORGIVE????????
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
Nobby - I am extremely glad that you have reported your abuser to the police and are doing things through official channels. I commend you for that, as I know personally how difficult that is.

What I don't understand is when yourself or others imply that I am in a dark place because I will not forgive. That somehow I am less of a person because of that!

My priorities in life do not take into account the pervert in my case, or any other paedophile.

This morning I have actually spent 95 minutes talking to another person, who is in the early stages of taking a paedophile stepfather to court. They are finding the experience very harrowing, as you will appreciate. That is where I think my energies should be channeled. Forgtiving any paedophile is the last thing on my list.

You may find some of my comments offensive, equally I find being told that I must forgive as extremely offensive. I have no personal grudge with you or anyone else here!

The additional question above: "Has anyone here confronted their abuser". Yes - in court, and in the street!

When I first came here, I was looking for support and understanding. Never did I once think it was a place where I would be asked/told to forgive. It that had happened on my first day here, I would have been instantly put off. I would have left this site. I may also have left the planet, because this was my last hope! Does anyone still insist that I must forgive.

As for the religious aspect, I have pointed out before, that I am not interested, and we do have a specific place for that here!

I wish you all well, in however you decide to deal with things, I just don't want to be told how I must do it!

*On a dark night, when the full moon shines, things can have so much more clarity; than they do in blinding sunlight!

Best wishes ...Rik

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

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#49990 - 12/14/06 03:11 PM Re: FORGIVE????????
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Quote:
adam your still the best fuck i ever had
Those prisoners must think the same about him, I hope he looks after them \:o

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#49991 - 12/14/06 05:50 PM Re: FORGIVE????????
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
i'll never forgive them

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#49992 - 12/14/06 07:27 PM Re: FORGIVE????????
Trevor Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 778
Loc: Rhode Island
me eithr

_________________________
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. You look so precious.

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#49993 - 12/15/06 12:17 AM Re: FORGIVE????????
OKIE MIKE Offline
Member

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 980
Loc: HULBERT OK
Some one made the commint that Somethings cannot be forgiven .
And got a reply of WHY NOT .
If you have to ask why YOU WOULD NEVER UNDER STAND

_________________________
MICHAEL

"I HAD NO SHOES THEN I SAW A MAN THAT HAD NO FEET"

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

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#49994 - 12/15/06 02:13 AM Re: FORGIVE????????
Chairman201 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 11/13/06
Posts: 17
Loc: Midwest
Steven,

I've recently learned to not only forgive but pray for my enemies. And you know what I've learned? God's vengeance comes down on them ALOT sooner because of it - but you don't get to pray for their destruction!

Chairman201


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#49995 - 12/15/06 02:21 AM Re: FORGIVE????????
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
May I reiterate what I said before? (I feel all alone on this one). I, on the basis of hoping I can be forgiven for hurting other people in my life in the past, have forgiven my perps. They weren't the sadistic, violent, type of perps. I actually found it rather easy to forgive them, but I STILL don't feel better about it. What's that all about?


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