I had an extremely abusive relationship with a girl about 10 years ago involving being forced into sexual acts repeatedly and even drugged once and taken advantage of. I didnít really realize what happened at the time, and didnít really think about it. (Guys want it all the time, right?) Two years after that relationship ended, I became involved with another girl, who is now my fiancťe, and I told what I thought happened in my previous relationship. She helped me realize that men can be sexually abused just as women can, and I went completely numb. In my mind, I decided that all females were bad and ended up unintentionally mentally categorizing her as a guy because I had major issues with females in general. Through some act of god, or saintly patience and understanding on her part, she stayed with me through the entire time. Now I am starting to actually let myself have emotions again, but I seem to be attempting to sabotage any chance of being happy in the relationship. She has a major problem (understandably) with me lying to her, which I have been doing a lot of lately. It causes her to not be able to trust me, even though she understands that I am not purposely doing it to hurt her. At the time I donít even realize what I am doing, and it is even done over the most mundane and insignificant of things. She wants to keep helping and supporting me, but she cannot if I canít stop this. Why am I doing this? How do I break this habit and learn to feel comfortable being truthful in my relationship?