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#49692 - 07/02/03 10:42 AM Commentary on Victor's Goodbye
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
Hello all,

Like you I am very sad that Victor has decided to resign as moderator and leave MS. I pray that this was hasty and in a short time hope to see him back in the saddle again.

I want to share some thoughts I have had in reaction to some things that were written.

I believe that everyone has the right to their opinion. We are a diverse group of men coming from many diverse experiences of SA. For many of us, the SA impacted us in such a manner as to cause us to come to terms with our lives in a way that does not agree with commonly held beliefs regarding what is considered by many to be "the best way" to live one's life.

We are all suffering here, and in fact have come to these portals because of that suffering, whether or not we ourselves have suffered SA directly or not. All of us here have been affected at least indirectly by this tragic evil that destroys lives and cultures.

While we are a single class of people bound together by common suffering, we must still within this group allow and nurture the right of the individual personality to pursue its expressive freedom without impunity.

If something that someone says bothers me, I personally take it as an opportunity to get to know myself better. In unpacking the feelings that I feel as a result of something being said, I am better able to understand the belief system that belies the "klesha", to use a buddhist term. I see this as the glass being half full. But that is just my experience. I choose to see it that way, and I believe it fares better for me to do so. Anything that keeps me from causing confusion and stress from coming into THE WORLD and my world is a good thing. And that is all that I have the energy to do; I can't try to dictate the morality of the whole planet, just my own.

What grieves me, is when I hear someone say something that indirectly criticizes the viewpoint of another, as if they are speaking "ex cathedra" on a subject. My belief is that we are all capable of establishing the boundaries of truth for our own lives, getting in touch with those principles which are alive and well within us that want to guide us to the good, the pure and the righteous.

I think the12 step program motto applies here: "Live, and let live". Don't try to force me into your view of what the world is or "should" be. I certainly don't do that to you. To imply that some minds are small because they disagree is hurtful and not helpful to building the wounded spirits of the men who come here to find enlightenment within themselves though our sharing of experince strength and hope.

Let's not chase away those who might come here seeking solace. Rahter let's bring to the table a whole lot more than just the narrow viewpoint of one man, me, but allow the perspectives of all to find validation within these walls. None of us are completed as long as we are alive; we are all "works in progress".

Our experience as survivors is in the process of changing individual lives AND the way the WHOLE WORLD sees the roles of men and their emotionality, psychology and sexuality. That is what is happening here; let us not make it any less by trying make it "mine".

Be objective men. We're here because we all need it equally.

Sorry guys, I don't mean to seem preachy, but because I care about you and this place, with humility I permit this voice to speak from within.

Love,

Ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#49693 - 07/02/03 10:58 AM Re: Commentary on Victor's Goodbye
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Ron Thank you for posting that. It is very true and I was about to do the same thing.

This forum is to heal and help others do the same. We climb together.

It is not a place to attack another' beliefs either directly or indirectly. I dont know about anyone els here but I have some problems when I feel I am being attacked or put down. I have invested a lot of time in feeling good about myself and I gotta tell you that when that happens to me it does a real number on my sense of self worth.

Ron, Like you, I hope Vic. gets back here soon.

GUYS. I WANT YOU ALL TO BE A BIT MORE CHARITABLE WITH EACH OTHER. THIS IS THE SECOND PERSON I AM AWARE OF WHO HAS WITHDRAWN BECAUSE OF A PERCEIVED ATTACK.

If you have a position please, please, please, temper it and have feelings for the other party. In other words put yourselves in their shoes before reacting. They are survivors of SA just like you are.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHOOO

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#49694 - 07/02/03 11:15 AM Re: Commentary on Victor's Goodbye
guy43 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/17/02
Posts: 450
Loc: Minnesota
As I was meandering my way through the forums I finally came to the public forums and saw Victor's post.

I'm deeply saddened by the deapth of his hurt and I sort of understand his need to leave. I'm going to miss him a lot.

jer


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