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#49622 - 06/29/01 09:42 PM Alone, Lonely, Depressed...HELP!
Anonymous
Unregistered


Hi. I am a survivor of sexual, physical, emotional and psychological abuse...and I am now trying to finally break through my intense fears of emotional intimacy, but with little success. Instead, I keep turning to casual sex with guys and isolating myself from women, as well as healthy friendships, fun activities, etc. I was abused sexually by my older brother and my dad, and also by my mom. I am divorced and want to find a woman who can understand me, support me, love me, be my best friend, etc...but I can't seem to move forward.

I am lonely, sad, and need support, please...thanks!

[ 06-29-2001: Message edited by: LanceC ]


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#49623 - 06/30/01 01:20 AM Re: Alone, Lonely, Depressed...HELP!
SoCalJohn Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 05/18/01
Posts: 510
Loc: Los Angeles, California
Lance,

Welcome, this is a good place to talk about stuff, sorry you need to be here but glad you are, welcome!

John

_________________________
I asked him about this law he spoke of, he said,,, *watch* he then asked the others to share about their lives,,, the others talked of how things were for them, how things worked in their lives,,, and as they believed, it was so.

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#49624 - 06/30/01 12:22 PM Re: Alone, Lonely, Depressed...HELP!
Brian B14 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/04/01
Posts: 122
Loc: New York
Hi Lance,

You have come to the right place. You have friends here who feel (or have felt) the same way you do.

I too have the ultimate goal of finding someone to share my life with (my fiancee and I just broke up 2 weeks ago). I know I am not ready to jump into a new relationship right now. I will use the next several months to work on building a relationship with myself. I truely believe that is where all healthy relationships must begin.

I wish you the best. Its hard work, but if we don't decide to do it for ourselves, it won't get done. Be good to yourself!!

I look forward to reading more of your posts,

Brian


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#49625 - 06/30/01 12:26 PM Re: Alone, Lonely, Depressed...HELP!
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
believe me you are not alone, I was divorced and now I am remarried to another women. I still have problems. Time has helped some what. Life is a bunch of ups and downs.
Hope I caught you during one of your ups.

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#49626 - 06/30/01 06:24 PM Re: Alone, Lonely, Depressed...HELP!
Anonymous
Unregistered


Quote:
Originally posted by SoCalJohn:
Lance,

Welcome, this is a good place to talk about stuff, sorry you need to be here but glad you are, welcome!

John

Thanks, John! I AM glad to be here. It is always helpful to find other survivors and to offer each other support.

Thanks again.

Lance


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#49627 - 06/30/01 06:26 PM Re: Alone, Lonely, Depressed...HELP!
Anonymous
Unregistered


Quote:
Originally posted by billy mills:
Lance,
Welcome to this place in cyber world.I also was abused by my father and it happened over a period of years.My father took advantage of me twice and I feel as if partly i was to blame for some of it.I am sorry to hear that you were abused by the entire family that hurts i know.My brother and my sister were also abused by my father so i have residual effects from this as well.Hope you will keep posting it helps.I was abused sexually and physically and also mentally so needless to say i am dealing with a table full.Good luck and you have others here that can relate and are willing to help.You took the first step in reaching out for help that took courage to admit you need help.We are all here to help each other.You have friends here and we are all survivors one way or another and we all payed the admission to be here which is unfortunate but we survivors need to stick together. \:\)

Thanks for your support, Billy! I feel for you and your journey, too. I hope we can help each other in our recovery. Indeed, we survivors need to help one another.

thanks, again.

Lance


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#49628 - 06/30/01 06:29 PM Re: Alone, Lonely, Depressed...HELP!
Anonymous
Unregistered


Quote:
Originally posted by Brian B14:
Hi Lance,

You have come to the right place. You have friends here who feel (or have felt) the same way you do.

I too have the ultimate goal of finding someone to share my life with (my fiancee and I just broke up 2 weeks ago). I know I am not ready to jump into a new relationship right now. I will use the next several months to work on building a relationship with myself. I truely believe that is where all healthy relationships must begin.

I wish you the best. Its hard work, but if we don't decide to do it for ourselves, it won't get done. Be good to yourself!!

I look forward to reading more of your posts,

Brian
Hi, Brian, and thanks for your good wishes and heartfelt support...both really help. I am glad that I came back here and look forward to joining you and the rest of us survivors in sharing the recovery journey.

thanks again!

Lance


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#49629 - 06/30/01 09:57 PM Re: Alone, Lonely, Depressed...HELP!
abcd Offline
Member

Registered: 10/20/00
Posts: 189
Loc: GA
Hey "LanceC"!

I haven't been to this board in a while, but I do believe that the people here are pretty caring. I'm a little younger here than most, but we're all in the same boat, and many are very understanding of each other's background/age/beliefs. This forum has been very nice--even just to know that you're not alone. As always days can be very tough and it is frustrating sometimes to see how much the abuse has affected me, but I am hanging in there. I do believe strongly that somehow this negative can be turned into a positive. One thing I've learned along the way is just to never give up and keep myself focused. Somehow, I think that we all have to make some sort of goal--whatever it may be--for ourselves. Our conscience knows when we do something like just sulk and sulk (don't get me wrong, there is certainly a time for that, but I think, at least for me, I can do that a little too much). I don't mean to sound like one of those cheesy self-help tapes :o) Seriously though, I know I think what I want to be--I know what the abuse has kind of done to me and I know whom I want to be. I try to live that life. Yeah, it's tough and I constantly "mess up." Sometimes, it does feel kinda weird, but I try not to get too self-conscious and believe in myself. After all, we've all survived what we've been through, we can go the next step. Take it easy and don't be too hard on yourself. Welcome to the forum.


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#49630 - 07/01/01 06:03 AM Re: Alone, Lonely, Depressed...HELP!
Neil Offline
Member

Registered: 10/17/00
Posts: 81
Loc: Millersville, MD, USA
Lance...... First let me say welcome. I'm glad you found your way here and I hope you find this a safe place to share. My abuse was somewhat different than yours (minister of music in the church I attended as a child) but the results were the same. When it came right down to it I wouldn't allow other people to get too close (love) me because of the way I felt about myself. I felt dirty and carried a lot of shame and was afraid if I let them too close they would see the real me. I had to learn to love myself and understand I was a good person before I could allow anyone else to love me. That came through therapy and a survivor's men's group that I attended once a week. It didn't come overnight but I now feel a freedom that's just incredible. It's a freedom to love but also a freedom to receive love. It's a great feeling to be able to open up to the people I care most about (my wife especially) and know that those people will still love me and not see me as ugly (on the inside). But that really came when I stopped viewing myself as ugly. I don't have all the answers but I do know that you need to try and love (or forgive, whichever applys) yourself in order to let someone else love you. Just wanted you to know what worked for me. Good luck in your journey and take special care of yourself.


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#49631 - 07/01/01 12:24 PM Re: Alone, Lonely, Depressed...HELP!
Anonymous
Unregistered


Quote:
Originally posted by abcd:
Hey "LanceC"!

I haven't been to this board in a while, but I do believe that the people here are pretty caring. I'm a little younger here than most, but we're all in the same boat, and many are very understanding of each other's background/age/beliefs. This forum has been very nice--even just to know that you're not alone. As always days can be very tough and it is frustrating sometimes to see how much the abuse has affected me, but I am hanging in there. I do believe strongly that somehow this negative can be turned into a positive. One thing I've learned along the way is just to never give up and keep myself focused. Somehow, I think that we all have to make some sort of goal--whatever it may be--for ourselves. Our conscience knows when we do something like just sulk and sulk (don't get me wrong, there is certainly a time for that, but I think, at least for me, I can do that a little too much). I don't mean to sound like one of those cheesy self-help tapes :o) Seriously though, I know I think what I want to be--I know what the abuse has kind of done to me and I know whom I want to be. I try to live that life. Yeah, it's tough and I constantly "mess up." Sometimes, it does feel kinda weird, but I try not to get too self-conscious and believe in myself. After all, we've all survived what we've been through, we can go the next step. Take it easy and don't be too hard on yourself. Welcome to the forum.
Thank you so much, abcd. It is so nice to know that you are here to offer support and share your insights. You and the others here have reminded me that it is real important that i stay connected to other survivors and continue to learn form their experience, too...thank you!

Lance


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