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#49416 - 03/24/06 01:39 AM Re: Forgiveness...for the abusers?
BFREE Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/22/06
Posts: 15
Loc: CA
Amen Bro. Zen, I felt empowered by your post.


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#49417 - 03/24/06 01:56 AM Re: Forgiveness...for the abusers?
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
I have forgiven myself!

How do I ever forgive a multiple abuser that still tries to deny what he has done!

Why should I even consider it, when he is described in court, as an elderly gentleman answering for indiscretions that took place over 30 years ago?

It's bollocks, and I hope his drop off!

Best wishes ...Rik

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

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#49418 - 03/24/06 07:00 AM Re: Forgiveness...for the abusers?
Morning Star Offline
Member

Registered: 12/21/04
Posts: 1124
Loc: Home
God judges no one, for him there is no difference between a sex offender or a saint, so why am I so reluctant in forgiving the offender, because then I get to take the moral high ground, I get to be the right one, and that is an awful lot of power to relinquish.

Yes we all pay for our karma, but who says I had not been a criminal in a previous life, or would be in next one.

Ever wondered why God is so non-judgemental? That is because he knows that what we did does not define who we are.

That I believe is what makes forgiveness so difficult, because once you have forgiven you dont get to be the better one, you know that in Gods eyes we are just the same.

So my higher moral ground is just a bubble, I am living in, and the sooner I allow it to burst the better.

_________________________
~ It's over!...Let go of Thy Past, Remember Thy Self ~

Why Don't People Heal, by Caroline Myss; 30 days to clean up your vibrations - Abraham-Hicks

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#49419 - 03/24/06 07:22 AM Re: Forgiveness...for the abusers?
Morning Star Offline
Member

Registered: 12/21/04
Posts: 1124
Loc: Home
I am a firm believer in the theory of Karma, so that way what I am going thru right now, is what my previous karma have created for me.

So if I want to live better in future, I can always create better.

Life is a just a means to learn that.

But when we get out of the sense of right or wrong, good or the bad we also get to step out of the cycle of karma and of birth and death.

No wonder, it takes us many many life times to learn that. Then again, Gods time is eternity.

_________________________
~ It's over!...Let go of Thy Past, Remember Thy Self ~

Why Don't People Heal, by Caroline Myss; 30 days to clean up your vibrations - Abraham-Hicks

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#49420 - 03/24/06 12:59 PM Re: Forgiveness...for the abusers?
andrew76 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/01/02
Posts: 118
Loc: Florida
The "F" word has nothing to do with your so called god,if god was really in existence things like what we all suffered would never have been allowed.There is no god because if there were I would not have to live with the after effects of my abuse the rest of my life.You are going to have to prove there is a god but do not tie in the "F" word just stirs things up for those that do not want to hear or see references to your so called god.

_________________________


Eye of tiger stares down perp,tiger teeth rips perp to shreds
to be abused kills the soul
to survive is to live the ultimate punishment

Knocking on hells door!!

To be silenced is an American amendment right violation,free speech

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#49421 - 03/24/06 01:51 PM Re: Forgiveness...for the abusers?
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Wow. This thread has really spread into a lot of areas since I last checked in on it. This will reiterate a bit of what I have said before.

I am not willing to forgive the man who abused me, not now and probably not ever, though I of course don't know how I will feel years from now. It isn't because I am full of hate and anger at him. I am past that and I am trying to focus on my own healing. My unwillingness to forgive him is based on my reasoning that in order to do that I would have to devote emotional resources to him - I would have to allow him some meaning and role in my life and decide what place in my life forgiving him would give to him. Why should I do that? I never meant anything to him.

What works for me is to see him as what he was - a cruel vicious predator whose life was devoid of positive meaning. I say that now just as a statement of fact, without hate or anger. I have no time for him; he's nothing to me. I will work on the issues he bequeathed to me, yes, but he himself will get nothing from me.

On forgetting, Morning Star, in my own view that would be a negative step. To forget is to say it didn't matter. It did matter! My life was forever changed by abuse. I also don't want to forget because I think that survivors can and should play an active role working for change. Evil should be challenged wherever it appears, and we can take up that challenge without allowing it to define us. We can do that and still recover and lead joyful fulfilling lives in which the legacy of abuse no longer harms us.

I would like to close by saying that this is a highly charged topic and some might be triggered or provoked by the views of others. I would just say that this is a powerful topic that we will face each in our own way, and I honor and respect views that disagree with mine. This is just how I see it.

In this context, Andrew, I would say that I understand the power and extent of your feelings. I am not trying to convince you that your view is wrong or needs to change. That's for you to decide. I would just ask you this: Does it help you to devote so much rage and hatred to the abuser? Does it lead you forward or hold you back? Does it give him a hold on you even now, which he otherwise would not have. Just some ideas, my friend.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#49422 - 03/24/06 02:24 PM Re: Forgiveness...for the abusers?
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
what if after 10 years i had forgiven my abuser? he would still be out there hurting kids ,my anger and my hate put him back in prison where he belongs . if i had not kept my anger he would be hurting the 15 year old boy that he got caught with as we speak shadow

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#49423 - 03/24/06 03:40 PM Re: Forgiveness...for the abusers?
Grunty1967b Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/28/05
Posts: 823
Loc: Australia
Well, hereís perhaps a different spin again from me.

I believe I have worked through a level of forgiveness towards my abuser, but now and then I feel intense anger and feelings of hatred (towards him or what he did to me?). That shows me perhaps there are levels of forgiveness I still need to work through.

It has been my personal choice to choose to forgive. It certainly doesnít mean to me that Iím saying itís all ok now and it was all ok back then (as far as what happened). It was wrong then and will always be and should never have happened and he should never have done what he did to me.

It also doesnít mean Iíve gone along the lines of ďforgive and forgetĒ. How can I forget? I have daily reminders by the ways in which my life has been messed up.

My decision to forgive has come out of me knowing that if I harbour Ďunforgivenessí in my heart it takes up my time, energy, thoughts etc so, unlike Larry (Roadrunner) I donít see it as giving the abuser my time my choosing to try the whole forgiveness thing. On the contrary, heís got my time and thoughts if I donít. Itís now one less thing I have to carry around and thatís gotta be helping me.

My final disclaimer: this is whatís right for me. You all have the right to form your own views and ways of dealing with all this. I wish you all well on your own personal choices.


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#49424 - 03/24/06 09:38 PM Re: Forgiveness...for the abusers?
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Shadow,

Quote:
what if after 10 years i had forgiven my abuser? he would still be out there hurting kids ,my anger and my hate put him back in prison where he belongs . if i had not kept my anger he would be hurting the 15 year old boy that he got caught with as we speak.
Good point, and you would know your own case best. But can I suggest that anger and hate don't achieve anything positive, except by coincidence? The road of hate and fury would be something like the "baseball bat solution" that Markgreyblue once talked about here. What if what you achieved was attained by a tenacious determination to see justice done. What if you are just pure and simple a good and resolute individual? Should you deny yourself that victory?

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#49425 - 03/25/06 03:16 AM Re: Forgiveness...for the abusers?
Morning Star Offline
Member

Registered: 12/21/04
Posts: 1124
Loc: Home
Forgiveness helps us forget the pain and the trauma we went thru, so that each time we think of our abuse or the abuser, we no longer loose our peace, serenity and composure. That has been the gift of forgiveness for me, having said that let me add that this doesn't mean that I have 'forgotten' the experience itself, NO, that is my guide now, and not my tormentor. I have taken away the power from it, infact I'm taking power from it, it reminds me of what not to be, by respecting all power in life, my own and those of others.

But of course it is our personal choice whether we want to forgive or believe in God for that matter. I dont have to convert anyone, life does that for us. We just have to live the best life we can, right now.

The only challenge is to see life as a benevolent companion. That itself takes away the sting away from life, and makes it painless, and I for one would definitely want that for me.

And after spending a lifetime in darkness and pain I wonder why did I take so long to reach here, and then something reminds me it all happens in Gods time.

And that is my prayer, May we all find the happiness and peace we all deserve.

What I am most glad about here is that I have finally found some people who talk about forgiveness after walking the path and after receiving all its gifts.

_________________________
~ It's over!...Let go of Thy Past, Remember Thy Self ~

Why Don't People Heal, by Caroline Myss; 30 days to clean up your vibrations - Abraham-Hicks

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