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#49381 - 02/23/06 01:59 PM Re: Forgiveness...for the abusers?
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
dark tower cool ,roland rocks

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#49382 - 02/23/06 04:20 PM Re: Forgiveness...for the abusers?
Dewey Offline
Member

Registered: 11/13/02
Posts: 137
Loc: the sunshine state
I told the authorities and my perp went to jail. It was the right thing to do. But it didn't bring a change in my psyche. That was work that I had to do. I simply don't have the time or energy to remain hateful. D

_________________________
I refuse to use my past as an excuse to not have a future.
My hero Dad; Trigger warning- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oi3Hyxuf5AE

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#49383 - 02/23/06 07:12 PM Re: Forgiveness...for the abusers?
OKIE MIKE Offline
Member

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 979
Loc: HULBERT OK
God may forgive him , but I NEAVER WILL .
If I ever find him he is a dead man.

_________________________
MICHAEL

"I HAD NO SHOES THEN I SAW A MAN THAT HAD NO FEET"

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

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#49384 - 02/23/06 10:25 PM Re: Forgiveness...for the abusers?
Derdlecar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/08/05
Posts: 1314
Loc: Ogden Utah, USA
Melliferal,

There were four perps in my life, or was it five? Anyway, I haven't forgiven them. They never asked and even if they did I don't think I could. I don't have that kind of power. I have let it go, or at least I am working on that. By letting it go, they no longer have control over me. God can forgive them if they ask. If not, they can roast in hell. Either way, I'm not going to worry about it; I have better things to do.

Love ya

Darrel

_________________________
If a man would get his life on track, he must first go back to the place where it was derailed.

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#49385 - 02/23/06 10:31 PM Re: Forgiveness...for the abusers?
andrew76 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/01/02
Posts: 118
Loc: Florida
Forgiveness why do such a stupid act rather tell your perp to pick out his bullet pay for it then take him out to the woods and say run for it then as the perp goes to make a run for it the perp turns into "White Buffalo" that is true forgiveness the right way. no god can help in any way what we went thru and if their was a god where the F*** was this so called god there is no god keep that junk to your own opinion no need for it here keep it in the other forum where it belongs not on a thread like this we all have our opinion and mine is "No forgiveness,Pain for the perp,Firing Squad debt repayal"


Edited by Andrew76 - silenced member

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Eye of tiger stares down perp,tiger teeth rips perp to shreds
to be abused kills the soul
to survive is to live the ultimate punishment

Knocking on hells door!!

To be silenced is an American amendment right violation,free speech

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#49386 - 02/24/06 01:22 AM Re: Forgiveness...for the abusers?
melliferal Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/03/05
Posts: 1159
Andrew,

A long time ago, a little bit before the abuse actually, I met someone who gave me some advice which I feel is very pertinent. He told me that people really only "win" in games. In real life, victory can sometimes be as costly as defeat. The winners, he said, may get to write all the history, but they also have to dig all the graves.

People can be angry, and full of spite for other people. Even the best of us feel this way; that's why I don't think harboring some anger or desire for revenge against my perpetrators MUST be considered as the perpetrator "controlling you". However, the question of the perpetrator is one that may not be best solved with the bullet. It might make you feel better - at first. After all, you're the "winner", aren't you? But people who kill other people are still criminals, and no excuse is really good enough for being a criminal. Especially killing someone - that's one task that leaves you "digging graves" for the rest of what's left of your life. And my friend, that's really the perpetrator's victory - he won't have to dig a single one.

Besides, dead men don't feel shame. And that's where the real justice is waiting, is it not?

_________________________
Children cannot consent; they can only comply.

Oprah's resources for male survivors

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#49387 - 02/24/06 03:12 AM Re: Forgiveness...for the abusers?
andrew76 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/01/02
Posts: 118
Loc: Florida
No one said anything about killing the perp that is what you said,having the perp buy their own bullet and taking them out to the woods and telling them to run could mean almost anything what if a certain person wanted to have some fun with the perp not necessarily what you referred to but rather target practice.

Also it all depends on how you classify "Winning" that could mean almost anything too especially if you have info that could make your mind up no matter what evidence is presented to you. if other lives are in "jeopardy" then action must be taken before those lives are placed in "harms way" if you have been told something by someone and that info classifies as pertinent info in regards to the mission at hand then you take that info and digest it and put it to use as it may lay no matter what the circumstances are surrounding it if it helps "Win the battle" and your still left standing afterward even if that means digging a grave at least you know that the person you just put in the ground won't ever harm another "soul" and you won't have to worry and carry that burden anymore inside of you knowing that info and having to classify the person as an "iminent threat to loss of life with collateral damage"

Why would we want the perp to dig a grave that is not what we all want from these animals they should never have that task before them.Dead men don't feel shame but they do feel pain and they will forever be who they are no matter whether dead or alive especially if they are on a list regardless of if they are brought back to life or not they are forever marked along with their grave stones


Edited by Andrew76 - silenced member

_________________________


Eye of tiger stares down perp,tiger teeth rips perp to shreds
to be abused kills the soul
to survive is to live the ultimate punishment

Knocking on hells door!!

To be silenced is an American amendment right violation,free speech

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#49388 - 02/24/06 06:09 AM Re: Forgiveness...for the abusers?
melliferal Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/03/05
Posts: 1159
Quote:
Originally posted by andrew76:
No one said anything about killing the perp that is what you said,having the perp buy their own bullet and taking them out to the woods and telling them to run could mean almost anything what if a certain person wanted to have some fun with the perp not necessarily what you referred to but rather target practice.
Well either way, what ends up happening is Someone-Who-Is-Not-The-Perp goes to jail. That's not the way it's supposed to go.

Quote:
Originally posted by andrew76:
Also it all depends on how you classify "Winning" that could mean almost anything too especially if you have info that could make your mind up no matter what evidence is presented to you. if other lives are in "jeopardy" then action must be taken before those lives are placed in "harms way" if you have been told something by someone and that info classifies as pertinent info in regards to the mission at hand then you take that info and digest it and put it to use as it may lay no matter what the circumstances are surrounding it if it helps "Win the battle" and your still left standing afterward even if that means digging a grave at least you know that the person you just put in the ground won't ever harm another "soul" and you won't have to worry and carry that burden anymore inside of you knowing that info and having to classify the person as an "iminent threat to loss of life with collateral damage"
A dangerous way of thinking. I get this sort of explanation a lot when dealing with people who study the martial arts because they think they can use it to defend themselves. Much of the time, what they try to call self-defense is actually assault, but nevermind that. Most of these people, when asked, will tell you that if they are ever "attacked", then it is necessary often to seriously injure or even kill the attacker, and consequences be damned. The relevant pearl is, "better to be judged by twelve (jurors) than be carried by six (pallbearers)". What these people fail to realize is, it isn't that black and white, ever. You can, in fact, choose to be neither judged by 12 nor carried by 6. But these people want to look and sound macho; pay them no mind. The moral of the story: there's more than one way to stop a "dangerous" person from hurting anyone. Volunteering for prison in exchange for saving lives can sound noble - but if you understand that you can save those same lives without volunteering for prison, then the former is no longer noble, but ridiculous.

Quote:
Originally posted by andrew76:
Why would we want the perp to dig a grave that is not what we all want from these animals they should never have that task before them.Dead men don't feel shame but they do feel pain and they will forever be who they are no matter whether dead or alive especially if they are on a list regardless of if they are brought back to life or not they are forever marked along with their grave stones
Dead men feel nothing. No shame, no guilt, no pain. They don't care who remembers them, they don't care about post-mortem press coverage, they don't care what sort of lists they used to be on, or the families or victims they leave behind. They don't care about anything. They're dead. They don't have eyes to see the way other people look at them, nor ears to hear what living people say about them.

A perpetrator in prison for a sexual offense, however, will feel shame. They may or may not feel guilt, but they will feel pain - probably most nights, if not every night. They will suffer the consequences of a life-long stigma, even if they do make it out of prison. Their lives will be a living hell. Which, if you don't believe in some kind of real hell (perfectly fine, that), should be something to take delight in. Being not-convicted of (insert felony here) would make that delight easier to take. I couldn't imagine being happy in prison, no matter what the news. Also (at the risk of being too frank) to consider is the fact that a follow prisoner, when committing a certain offense against your person, won't be sympathetic just because the same thing may have happened when you were sommat younger.

And it's very hard for a felon to get a job these days.

_________________________
Children cannot consent; they can only comply.

Oprah's resources for male survivors

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#49389 - 02/24/06 03:05 PM Re: Forgiveness...for the abusers?
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
This thread has really gone heavy since I last posted to it, and I thought I would just put in a few words directed you you, Andrew76.

I understand your anger bro, and I wouldn't deny you your right to it, not in 1000 years. I would also never tell you that you should forgive the perp - that's up to you. From your past posts I have some idea of all you have suffered and lost. It's not meant to be this way.

I would just ask you to think honestly if you feel you would gain much from the kind of retaliation you describe. Perhaps at the moment you would feel you had your revenge - okay. But would it help you to heal? I'm not sure I see how that could happen.

Another point would be this. You strike me as a good guy. You have endured a lot, sure, and you are holding onto a lot of bitterness and anger - but that's something else. You really seem to be a good and decent person. Wouldn't the kind of revenge you talk about take a terrible toll from you? I suspect you would eventually see that even in death the perp has won again. That would be a terrible thing to discover.

Just some thoughts Andrew. I hope you can feel that you are appreciated and cared about here.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#49390 - 02/24/06 09:28 PM Re: Forgiveness...for the abusers?
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
I am almost free of my perp - it's not because I have forgiven him! I haven't and never will now! It's because I am in the process of sending him to jail!

Best wishes ...Rik

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

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