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#4926 - 04/12/03 01:32 AM New and Feeling Discouraged
jimrh Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/22/03
Posts: 273
Loc: Roswell, GA
Hello all,

I'm fairly new to this group, having chatted off and on for few weeks, and after reading many posts, I thought I'd take a chance.

I don't really know where to start. It seems that everything around me is getting worse and the more I deal with my physical, emotional and sexual abuse, the worse I seem to get. I only recently began taking anti depressants/anxiety meds. I really think had it not been for that I'd even be in worse shape. Nothing is in control any more and now that I know my reality, I finally realize how shitty it is and my options are limited with none being a win situation.

I'm married, have three kids, yet I feel so alone. It's all fine and dandy that you tell me it's great to have a loving wife and loving kids and of course it is. But it doesn't change how I feel about me. Maybe in the end, it doesn't matter anyway and this is all a waste of time and especially money for the therapists and psychiatrists and marriage counselors. In the end, my marriage will be over and then what, I'll have nothing but my fantasies which are the only thing I can control and allow me to be who I want to be, something I can never really be.

I feel very sad about Woz yet sometimes I think I understand.

I hear one thing from fellow survivors here on the way things work, then in therapy or in books, it's something else.

I know I can never have a father who loved me. Plain and simple, it's too late for that. I know I can never regain the lost years of childhood and any therapist who talks that talk is walking down a hokie path. I hate the child I was, and just wish I could wake up and be someone else.


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#4927 - 04/12/03 07:05 AM Re: New and Feeling Discouraged
Nathan LaChine Offline
Webmaster
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/22/03
Posts: 5378
Loc: Washington State
JIm let me the first to welcome you to the family (the safe and loving one we never had). You are here among friends and one thing you must keep in mind that what works for one survivor may not work for you. If you are looking for some advice please join us in the chatroom or look into getting a T. Take care my brother.


Nathan


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#4928 - 04/12/03 07:46 AM Re: New and Feeling Discouraged
Muldoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
Jimrh
Glad that you have found our group and can begin to see that you are not alone in your pain.
Quote:
Maybe in the end, it doesn't matter anyway and this is all a waste of time and especially money for the therapists and psychiatrists and marriage counselors. In the end, my marriage will be over and then what,
Don't go on with a negative vibes because there is hope for us all. this all takes time and it will get better. Keep the positive on your side. Muldoon

_________________________
Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

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#4929 - 04/12/03 08:41 AM Re: New and Feeling Discouraged
jimrh Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/22/03
Posts: 273
Loc: Roswell, GA
Thanks for the kind words, Nathan and Muldoon.

Nathan, the problem with the inner child is that it doesn't exist, which is just one of the issues I have with certain therapy tactics (namely from Mike Lew, "Victims No Longer"). You cannot find something that never existed, plain and simple. therefore, you can never regain something you never had.

As for staying in the positive, well I guess I can hold on to the fact that I don't have a debilitating disease and that I have a great job. At this point now I'm sorry I posted this original message. Sorry to have bothered you all, no worries. It's not a big deal. Take care.


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#4930 - 04/12/03 08:47 AM Re: New and Feeling Discouraged
guy43 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/17/02
Posts: 450
Loc: Minnesota
Jim,

T'was nice meeting you in chat last night.

Can I say I know what you're going through because I've been there and still have immense struggles with my recovery?

Sometimes even though we have good things, people and loves in our lives... our minds plunge us into the deepest inner hell that no one else can possibly understand, not even another survivor. It's a curve, waves on an ocean that doesn't stop me for me... the deepest waves aren't so deep for me anymore (after years and years), I'm popping back to ride the surf faster now... my pain is becoming more bearable, it's even becoming less instense.

Why does this happen at some particular point in time? Maybe because our brains/mind are at a place where it needs to dump or deal with or whatever you want to call recovery from abuse. Maybe because our spirit wants to heal.

When we have personal crisis' like this I believe seeking outside help crucial, meds and therapy CAN make a difference.

We really do have the inner strength to survive emotional/psycological crisis', and with "a little help from my friends", I do.

"ohhhhh, I'll get by with a little help from my friends". You will too Jim!!!!

jer


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#4931 - 04/12/03 12:03 PM Re: New and Feeling Discouraged
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Jim
Quote:
Nothing is in control any more and now that I know my reality, I finally realize how shitty it is and my options are limited with none being a win situation.

I'll have nothing but my fantasies which are the only thing I can control and allow me to be who I want to be, something I can never really be.
There's a lot we can control, and you already do, you have a wife and kids - a job - you have made a decision to get therapy and come here. You already excercise more control over yourself than you give yourself credit for.

One of the very first things my therapist told me, about 5 years ago when I started was "I's not going to be easy." and he was right, it's damned hard is the truth. And hard things take time and effort.
But with time we learn new options and how to turn them to our advantage and make them a win situation.

I know only too well about the fantasies having control, mine led me to acting out with strangers and all kinds of shit. I spent days dissasociating, off in a world of my own where sex was the answer to every question. It was my retreat from a shitty world.
But there's a way out, it's going to be different for you but the way out is there somewhere. And you're the guy to find it. We can support you, along with your family and therapist, to find that exit.

Never give up looking for it Jim because it IS there.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#4932 - 04/12/03 01:31 PM Re: New and Feeling Discouraged
jimrh Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/22/03
Posts: 273
Loc: Roswell, GA
There is no hope when you cannot accept that which cannot be changed.


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#4933 - 04/12/03 01:58 PM Re: New and Feeling Discouraged
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Jim
"that which cannot be changed" is history, something we can learn from. ;\)

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#4934 - 04/12/03 03:21 PM Re: New and Feeling Discouraged
michaelb Offline
Member

Registered: 04/21/01
Posts: 211
Loc: cincinnati, ohio
HISTORY SUCKS!!!!!!......i'm going to create my own fantasy world in my head and never come out again.....


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#4935 - 04/12/03 03:44 PM Re: New and Feeling Discouraged
still 12 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/09/01
Posts: 167



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