first I want to tell you how much I appreciate your efforts with your survivor loved one. I do have a heart for those who love survivors and know they have their own personal hell to live with.
I think for your sake it might help you to try to remember that you are not responsible for his pain. you didn't do it and you can not un do it no matter how much you would want to.
I will say from MY own personal pain that for someone to try to "baby " me will send me over the edge. it is a real problem for my wife who loves me and wants so much to love me when I am hurting. if there is an opportunity maybe ask him is there someone that he is reminded of when you try to help.
my abuse came from many people but the early abuse was with babysitters. the thought of people "caring " for me is a huge trigger. I know that is not much help in knowing what to do. but maybe an incite into the mind of at least this survivor.
the problem for me is what constitutes "babying" that definition seems to drift from time to time and situation to situation.
I hope that it gets better for you both
Either I will find a way, or I will make one.