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#48460 - 02/25/03 12:35 PM gotta take the trip
seaotter Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/19/02
Posts: 16
Loc: Netherlands, EU
I have been coming here for only a few months now, but already I have come to love each and every one of you. Regrettably, all things come to an end one day, and this is one of those days.

I intended to write a letter, to those who used me, but whats the use?

My time is running out fast, for my body is failing and I cannot stand the pain any longer.
My immunesystem is gone and no hope in this life remains, so, for the first time in my life I am gonna end the pain.

By no means do I intend to hurt or cause grief to any of you, or anyone at all, but it has to end, please understand and forgive me for that. And please respect my desicion, I was not an easy one.

to those who I have come to know better than most:
I will miss you guys, but it wont be long before we meet again, just dont do as I do,k?
Dan, Gaby, Al, cog, anyone I leave out, take cares and stay well.
And, Al, your time is not here yet buddy, I heard yesterday what happened, and if you are still here, bide a wee, its not too bad at times and dont do this to marc? please, that hug I promissed, I will save it for you up yonder, but I dont wanna see you just yet!
gonna miss you though
all of you

be well and stay well

Gunnar,

gotta go home boys,

see you there


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#48461 - 02/25/03 12:38 PM Re: gotta take the trip
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
BROTHERS HELP. WHATS HAPPENING HERE??

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#48462 - 02/25/03 02:08 PM Re: gotta take the trip
zadok1 Offline
Member

Registered: 11/05/02
Posts: 188
Loc: Ohio
seaotter,
STOP! if you are thinking of taking your own life. get ahold of a crisis hotline, now!!!! if i am misreading something forgive me, but your post is the most frightening thing i have ever run across in my life.

_________________________
The world is a dangerous place, not because of those that are evil, but because of those who do nothing about them- Albert Einstein

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#48463 - 02/25/03 03:06 PM Re: gotta take the trip
Ethan_B Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 02/25/03
Posts: 15
Loc: Netherlands
To all:

Gunnar Einarson died today. His body gave up, long before he did, though reality came to him this morning. It took him great effort to write above message, and though he indeed intended to end his suffering by his own hand, he lacked the physical strenght to do so. there was no need too, God called him away for He must have known it had been too much already. He died peacefully in his bed, and he was not scared, we prayed and talked, we said our goodbyes. He is gone ahead to a better place, and he will await us there.
He will be dearly missed, but God takes care of him now, and there can be no doubt, He will do a much better job than any of us could ever do.

He left me to care about some outstanding issues, involving some of you here, feel free to contact me at any time. We all lost a very dear friend, collegue, mentor and and boy so much wiser than the count of his years. only God knows why all this had to happen, dont expect an explanation, please.


Ethan.

_________________________
Never jump without both ripcords

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#48464 - 02/25/03 05:02 PM Re: gotta take the trip
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Gunnar, Seaotter, will be missed by us all.

He gave us a great deal of support and help, and I know the world was a better place because he had the strength to be a survivor.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#48465 - 02/25/03 05:45 PM Re: gotta take the trip
brian-z Offline
Member

Registered: 07/11/02
Posts: 770
Loc: Western USA
hotel kiosk no spell checker

Otter,

Self imposed exile is not the answer, neither is taking your own life. I've tried both, fortunitly I was unsuccessful at the latter. But every successful at the former, I've had to step back from NOMSV but I'm not cutting people out of my life, it's something I know I can do, but it wont fix anything.

if you want to talk, offer stands.

Brian.


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#48466 - 02/25/03 06:11 PM Re: gotta take the trip
brian-z Offline
Member

Registered: 07/11/02
Posts: 770
Loc: Western USA
I never read replys any more. I guess I should. I'll miss you Otter


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#48467 - 02/25/03 06:33 PM Re: gotta take the trip
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Something to remember Gunnar by.

Quote:
I knew a boy once, just a little boy.

Doing what all boys do, liking what every boy likes and playing and exploring that great new thing, which the world is to little boys.

Now this was a good boy, kind and thoughtful to the needs of others.

No matter what, he always did his best, and surely he never missed a day in school, yes, this was a good boy, for sure.

Worked when he was supposed to, and played whenever he could, in a little boy’s world, filled with horses, soldiers, knights and pirate ships, pledges of life-long friendships and an open mind to all things around him.

Yes, to all who saw this boy it seemed a sight to behold, that boy who was all that embodied boyhood itself, those beautiful few years of summer days in fields of clover, the years of wonder.

The old men looked at this boy and thought back to their own fainting memories of those long bygone times, that for sure seemed to get more like heaven every day.

And too, this boy had his fears, of monsters under the bed, ghosts and boy-eating giants, mean old dragons and crocodiles and tigers.

But this boy’s fears were no fantasies, no glimpses of imagination nor the dreams that stem from grandma’s scary tales of wolves and trolls.

No, this boy’s fears were all too real, so was his hunger. His wounds did not bleed imaginary blood, nor was the terror that climbed into his bed, a ghost or just a bad dream. That embodiment of fear was his dad, his brother, a neighbour, a foster, a friend of the family, a Minister, a teacher or whatever form evil chose to appear in.

This was a very scared and confused, hurting little boy, so scared and ashamed nobody could ever know, for what was going on? He sure did not know, he just did not understand what and why that happened, what was wrong with him? For that he knew, something was wrong.

And surely it could not be the adult, for adults are always right. Right?

So was forged the ball and chain of shame, the imprisonment of a young mind, the torture of memory, the dungeons of evil open wide and deep for this boy, and although he tried to get hold of whatever he could hold on to, the drop down seemed to never stop.

Like running the gauntlet, his drop down. Years went by and he encountered the shadows of his past, for sure, he smelled the Sulphur and brimstone, and he saw with his very own eyes the blazing pits of Hell itself.

Then, one day, he hit the bottom. Hard. Face down, as naked and helpless as the day he was born.

He sat up, slowly coming to his senses, so long lost.

As he looked at his battered and bruised body, he suddenly realized he was not a boy anymore, no, he was a full grown man.

He asked himself what happened, and cried over his lost youth.

Suddenly he noticed a boy was standing in front of him.

That boy was he.

He asked the boy what to do, and the boy duly replied that it was not for him to answer a grown up as to what to do,

But he said to the man “seek the answers within us” and the boy disappeared as suddenly as he had appeared.

He heard a voice saying though “I will never leave you, take care of us” “both…….”

The man cried, for he had so craved for someone to talk to, after what seemed to be an eternity of loneliness.

But as he sat there, whining and moaning his misery, he realized what it was, that the lost boy had meant.

He stood up, and he knew just what to do.

He was going to fight, and set that boy inside him, free.

As a clarity of his mind, like nothing he ever had known came over him, he realized he was still down in that dark pit.

He looked up, but nowhere could he see the light of day.

He felt the walls, but no door was there.

He felt the floor, but no way out he could find.

Then that old feeling of disheartening came over him again, and he was about to give up when he saw a flash before his eyes

He saw himself, long ago, in agony.

This very sight filled him with a rage,

A rage only the truthful can feel,

And with a battle cry no ordinary man could ever holler out,

He tore down the walls of his prison with his bare hands and the strength of his mind.

He was free.

His dark confinements had changed into a field of blooming clover, and roe deer and wild creatures grazing and roaming therein, all was there, like Noah’s ark it seemed, and a stream as clear as Silver ran through it. All was there,

all, but fear or evil.

Never had he encountered such beauty, and as he stood in this field, he felt as if he was born again.

But he knew, what evil was now. Oh, yes. He knew alright.

But there, that day on which he learned the true meaning of the word freedom,

He swore a solemn oath:

I will not bow my head, nor shall I live in bondage.

Never again shall I allow evil to rule my mind, my body nor anything that is mine,

For it was given to me, and now as I behold that which was denied me for so many a year,

I know

There are things worse than dieing.

I shall prefer to fall to the hand of any man who would deny me all this which is good and beautiful,
rather than to ever submit again.

For I know now, Lord God, what precious gift you have given me.

I shall prove worthy of it.

He saw then, the boy, which he once had been,

Playing and running free in the field, a sight to behold.

A smile on his face.

And he knew,

He had set his past and future free


-------------------------------------------------
Be well and stay well,

Gunnar
***************************************************

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#48468 - 02/25/03 08:52 PM Re: gotta take the trip
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Thank you for filling us in Ethan.

Gunnar the Seaotter was & still is an inspiration to me even in the brief time I've known him.

Seaotter I salute you, and I'll see you on the other side my brother.

Thank you.

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#48469 - 02/25/03 10:13 PM Re: gotta take the trip
orodo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/15/02
Posts: 735
Loc: Imladris, The Safe Haven of Ar...
I have lost another hero..

_________________________
It is better to be Dragon Master than Dragon Slayer. Some Dragons are meant to be mastered, others meant to be slain. Odin, Great Spirit, God, grant me the wisdom to know the difference. "May the Valar guide and bless you on your path under the sky"

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#48470 - 02/25/03 10:16 PM Re: gotta take the trip
Nathan LaChine Offline
Webmaster
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/22/03
Posts: 5378
Loc: Washington State
I have not cried in years but I am crying for you now gunnar. I will miss you and I only can hope that you find the peace in death that you never found in this life. I will miss you always will be in my prys always I love you gunnar.


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#48471 - 02/25/03 10:35 PM Re: gotta take the trip
The Dean Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 2080
Loc: Milwaukee, WI
seaotter shows us how powerful this forum is. I think that many of us will need to grieve our loss. Gunnar has shown us that awful harm done to a boy who is not only violated, betrayed, used as a sex toy, but also photographed and exploited on the www.

I sent seaotter some private messages becuase his sorrow so touched me. Only the last time did he use the name Gunnar. He was so horrified that he had been shown a picture of himself as a kid, naked and crying.

His pain hit me hard. I had a very false idea of Gunnar. I saw him as a young, healthy man, who had decided that he would not let his past haunt him. I had no idea he had a terminal illness. I guess he did not want to worry us or get lots of symathy.

I will write to find out just a tad more, to know just little more of the young man I came to love and admire so much.

When a person is in extreme pain we do not think clearly sometimes. All he really wanted was to be free of the gut wrenching pain. For me, I now have a new pain, one I had no idea I would ever feel.

Peace to us all. We need to feel our loss and handle it in whatever way we can best do so.

Much love to all you guys. You know that you are truly loved, even though we could pass each other on the streets and not recognize each other. This truly is a brotherhood. We have happy days, days of victory and days of grief. But together we can help each other deal with whatever is going on this day.

Let us pray, if you are a praying person both for Gunnar and his friend and our brother, Mr Edd who is needing our love today.

Bob

_________________________
If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.

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#48472 - 02/25/03 10:39 PM Re: gotta take the trip
Jess Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/26/03
Posts: 107
Loc: California
Ethan:

Seaotter and I talked together a great deal privately on the chat line on the second day that I was here at Male Survivor. He gave me such support and so much encouragement to finally face the truth of my childhood abuse and to become a healing Survivor and an Activist against male sexual victimization. To Gunnar/Seaotter my most solemn benediction. May your essence, your soul, be filled now with all the joy, peace and happiness that can be received in eternity. May you finally be released from all your pain, and may you enjoy forever the presence and the love of the One who shall reward you for all the love you gave and all the good you did in this world. This world was only just a proving ground and a school of preparation, equipping you for the glories which were to lie ahead. The glories in which now rejoice.

With much sorrow and much love, Sincerely, Jess.


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#48473 - 02/26/03 01:27 AM Re: gotta take the trip
Chey-Wy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 241
Loc: Cheyenne, WY
It is funny how god knows what we need ... even before we ask. Today I was driving down the road there were two songs on the radio that made me think of my father. I was going to post them under music tonight in memory of him. I will post them hear instead. Sea Otter is with God now.... but his memory will remain forever in our hearts.

The first song I want to publish is "Holes in the floor of heaven." Whenever it rains we can think of our loved ones that have passed .... knowing they are with us always. This song gives me comfort. I hope it does the same for you.

Quote:
Collin Raye - Holes In The Floor Of Heaven


One day shy of eight years old,
When grandma passed away.
I was a broken hearted little boy,
Blowing out that birthday cake.
How I cried & cried when the sky let go,
With a cold lonesome rain.
My momma smiled, said: "Don't be sad child.
"Grandma's watching you today."

"'Cos there's holes in the floor of Heaven,
"And her tears are pouring down.
"That's how you know she's watching,
"Wishing she could be here now.
"An' sometimes if you're lonely,
"Just remember she can see.
"There's holes in the floor of Heaven
"And she's watching over you and me."

Seasons come and seasons go,
Nothing stays the same.
I grew up, fell in love,
Met a girl who took my name.
Year by year, we made a life,
In this sleepy little town.
I thought we'd grow old together,
Lord, I sure do miss her now.

But there's holes in the floor of Heaven,
And her tears are pouring down.
That's how I know she's watching,
Wishing she could be here now.
An' sometimes when I'm lonely,
I remember she can see.
There's holes in the floor of Heaven,
And she's watching over you and me.

Well my little girl is 23,
I walk her down the aisle.
It's a shame her Mom can't be here now,
To see her lovely smile.
They throw the rice, I catch her eye,
As the rain starts coming down.
She takes my hand; says: "Daddy don't be sad,
'Cos I know Mama's watching now."

"And there's holes in the floor of Heaven
"And her tears are pouring down.
"That's how you know she's watching,
"Wishing she could be here now.
"An' sometimes when I'm lonely,
"I just remember she can see.
"Yes, there's holes in the floor of Heaven,
"And she's watching over you and me."

Watching over you and me.

Watching over you and me.

Watching over you and me.
The other song I think is fitting is Angles Among Us. I know we are sad that he is gone. But it is possible he can help us with our strugle more from where he is at. A place where there is only peace.

Quote:
ANGLES AMONG US

By: ALABAMA

I was walking home from school on a cold winter day
Took a shortcut through the woods, and I lost my way
It was getting late, and I was scared and alone
But then a kind old man took my hand and led me home
Mama couldn't see him, oh but he was standing there
And I knew in my heart, he was the answer to my prayers

Chorus:
Oh I believe there are angels among us
Sent down to us from somewhere up above
They come to you and me in our darkest hours
To show us how to live, to teach us how to give
To guide us with the light of love

When life held troubled times, and had me down on my knees
There's always been someone to come along and comfort me
A kind word from a stranger, to lend a helping hand
A phone call from a friend, just to say I understand
And ain't it kind of funny at the dark end of the road
That someone lights the way with just a single ray of hope

Chorus

They wear so many faces, show up in the strangest places
To grace us with their mercy, in our time of need

Chorus

To guide us with a light of love
I remember a poem that my sister read when a teacher we both had and loved in school died after a long battle with cancer. I was in the 6th grade when this teacher died. She had been my 4th grade teacher. It is a simple poem but I have remembered it all these years. It helped me to understand why God had taken my favorite teacher.

Quote:
I know we'd like to keep her/him here,
but she/he was lent not given,
and now her/his time has come at last
and god needs her/him back in heaven.
John

_________________________
From the Song MOUNTAINS by Lonestar.

Yeah, the good Lord gave us mountains,
So we could learn how to climb

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#48474 - 02/26/03 08:15 AM Re: gotta take the trip
guy43 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/17/02
Posts: 450
Loc: Minnesota
My thoughts go out to all here who are suffering the loss of Gunnar or any loved one.

My thoughts go out to MrEdd and Al that they may find healing and hope.

jer


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#48475 - 02/26/03 08:36 AM Re: gotta take the trip
guy43 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/17/02
Posts: 450
Loc: Minnesota
Ethan wrote:
Quote:
It took him great effort to write above message...
We were honored that Gunnar took the time to share with us and say his goodbye's to us here at MaleSurvivor. I'm proud of him for showing us/me his strength and caring to do this.

Thank you Gunnar wherever you are now. Thank you Ethan for letting us know and my thoughts go out to you in your time of grieving and loss.

Quote:
He died peacefully in his bed, and he was not scared, we prayed and talked, we said our goodbyes.
And he was not scared to take the next big step we all face. A reminder to myself that life is so short... I was watching a documentary last night about a movie producer/director filming a moive in the Amazon jungle about manhandling a river boat over a hill to another river. A monumental effort. While thinking about Gunnar, my life and this forum, the producer said this at the end of filming having meet with partial success -

"I did this because facing the fear of failure is better than facing the fear of a lifetime of regret".

No regrets Gunnar! You faced your end like a man.

and he was not scared,
and he was not scared.

jer


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#48476 - 02/26/03 01:14 PM Re: gotta take the trip
Little_E Offline
Member & Volunteer
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 11/14/02
Posts: 169
Loc: London UK
Words have no meaning! Gunnar was my friend. He Wanted to help me (money wise), and he didnt know me! I learnt alot about my friend in chat the other night when we shared stories, that was the first time i told anyone! Gunnar was specail to me, now he's gone!

He told me he had just finished writing his book, based on his life, and abuse! He never told me what it was called. I hope his book get published. This ones for you my friend!

Elliot.

_________________________
If your not livin on the edge your taking up to much space!

DISTUBED VISIONS OF AN UNDERWORLD!!

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#48477 - 02/26/03 01:26 PM Re: gotta take the trip
John D Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 11/30/02
Posts: 5
Loc: Texas
We all could not help but love Sea, I found it sad that within the many dark moments I have been enduring lately I wasn't able to hear him more. His strength is the true spirit of our group. He died as not a victim but as a survivor. And we all deserve to feel good about that. Lyrrad, thanks for delivering for us. I love you all and his memory will most certainly not go to waste here.

_________________________
Peace...John1234

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#48478 - 02/26/03 03:26 PM Re: gotta take the trip
cog Offline
Member

Registered: 01/10/03
Posts: 42
I am so profoundly sad. my chest is heaving. I am dying inside. I am crying. This hurts so bad. The last time I talked to seaotter, I got offended at something he said to me and I told him so.
He was there for me in some of the most horrible times of my life and he lifted me up. He inspired me. He wrote one of the most inspiring poems on my post - a post that was difficult for me to write. He was there in the chat room when I wrote it, and He was there to support me and tell me we proud of me for writing what I did. He told me I had a lot of courage. I looked up to him. He told me , "You are loved, my friend." He remembered me (of all people) in his final farewell.

I wanted to reconcile with him for me getting mad at something he said. Oh it hurts so bad. I feel like I am dying inside. Now I can't reconcile with him. I know he only had goodness in his soul when he said what he said to me. I know he didn't mean to make me mad. He was trying to help me to heal. He was always trying to help us heal. It hurts so much, that I can't talk to him anymore and share in his wisdom. And partake of his bounteous wise words that stir the soul. I can barely breathe now. The emotions are so raw.
I am so sorry seaotter that you had so much misery-- and so much pain. You treated me with such kindness, and compassion.
If you are listening, I want you to know that I consider you a true friend. I wish we could have met and talked face to face as friends do. I wanted to tell you that you did help me to heal and you did so much good for me. I wanted to share my achievements with you. You were always there listening and you encouraged me. I am sorry for getting angry.

This hurts so bad. I have no other way to express it. I am barely breathing. I am choking, and crying. Tears are continually flowing down my face. They won't stop.

Seaotter, I can only say this in parting, "YOU ARE LOVED, MY FRIEND!"


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#48479 - 02/26/03 04:02 PM Re: gotta take the trip
Archnut Offline
Member

Registered: 10/26/02
Posts: 343
Loc: United Kingdom
I never knew Seaotter but just reading these messages of love and comfort I can see/feel that he IS greatly loved by all.

I say IS as I feel that his spirit will remain with us here always. I will remember him for all days as I have cried over someone I never knew and I feel a tremendous sense of loss.....a feeling.... I have experienced very few feelings over the last couple of decades.

So thank you Seaotter, just thank you.

Wherever you are I wish you peace.

And all that was left was hope.

Archnut


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#48480 - 02/26/03 09:18 PM Re: gotta take the trip
The Dean Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 2080
Loc: Milwaukee, WI
cog, I very much believe that Gunnar hears you and is happy for your love. He is free at last, but I'd like yo think he remembers us who still hurt.

Go to a quiet, beautiful place and simply talk to him. Sometimes when I do that I don't hear a word, but I feel I have connected and been heard. I am sure you will feel the same.
Bob

_________________________
If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.

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#48481 - 02/27/03 02:02 AM Re: gotta take the trip
Les_Angry Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/06/02
Posts: 195
I pray that the tears have been wiped from the eyes of the little boy in that picture naked and crying.

Quote:

Luke 6:20-21
20 Then He lifted up His eyes toward His disciples, and said: "Blessed are you poor, For yours is the kingdom of God. 21 Blessed are you who hunger now, For you shall be filled. Blessed are you who weep now, For you shall laugh.



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#48482 - 03/01/03 09:59 AM Re: gotta take the trip
al Offline
Member

Registered: 01/08/03
Posts: 143
Loc: canada
I am so choked up there are no words to describe how my heart is breaking for us left behind. Sea I cant believe I never told you how much I love you. But you knew, yes you knew. I am so sorry i wasnt there for you at the end. I did not try to kill myself i just wanted to make the voices and the faces go away but things got carried away. i would endure anything if I could have been with you instead.

You are now free of the pain and tortures of this life, and for that i rejoice.


Here are the words to the song we were talking about, the one you were looking for.

Winds of Change
---------------------------------
I follow the Moskva
Down to Gorky Park
Listening to the wind of change
An August summer night
Soldiers passing by
Listening to the wind of change

The world is closing in
Did you ever think
That we could be so close, like brothers
The future's in the air
I can feel it everywhere
Blowing with the wind of change

Take me to the magic of the moment
On a glory night
Where the children of tomorrow dream away
in the wind of change

Walking down the street
Distant memories
Are buried in the past forever
I follow the Moskva
Down to Gorky Park
Listening to the wind of change

Take me to the magic of the moment
On a glory night
Where the children of tomorrow share their dreams
With you and me
Take me to the magic of the moment
On a glory night
Where the children of tomorrow dream away
in the wind of change

The wind of change
Blows straight into the face of time
Like a stormwind that will ring the freedom bell
For peace of mind
Let your balalaika sing
What my guitar wants to say

Take me to the magic of the moment
On a glory night
Where the children of tomorrow share their dreams
With you and me
Take me to the magic of the moment
On a glory night
Where the children of tomorrow dream away
in the wind of change

Music and Lyrics by Klaus Meine
Made popular by The Scorpions


My brother you and Marc share my heart like none before and none to come. Your memory will live on forever. When we meet again you will see that this is so.

I love you, my brother, my friend.

_________________________
Those who dance appear insane to those who cannot hear the music. Mark Kleiman

Kites rise highest against the wind, not with it. Winston Churchill

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#48483 - 03/01/03 07:04 PM Re: gotta take the trip
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Al I am so glad to see you again in print. I sent an email to you and Marc. I hope it helps with the demons that you face. We are a lot alike brother. Have a look and feel free to contact me at any time. You might be able to help me too. Are we not lucky to be blessed with brothers who truly love us and are there for us every step of the way. I had no idea of Gunnar's losing battle. What a courageous young man. As I said elsewhere Gunnar represented all that is good and great about humanity.
I am glad you are back among us my Brother.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#207386 - 02/25/08 07:28 PM Re: gotta take the trip [Re: Mike Church]
Nathan LaChine Offline
Webmaster
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/22/03
Posts: 5378
Loc: Washington State
In five years so much has changed for me. You where the first person I ever told. You made be believe in my sef. You shaped my life in ways no one else could. For this I will always remember you, my friends, my teacher, my hero. Good bye my friend I hope that you have found peace an will be happy forever.

Lots of love always, Nathan


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#207415 - 02/25/08 09:02 PM Re: gotta take the trip [Re: orodo]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
I did not know Seaotter. He sounds like a great guy. I was filled the anxiety and grief when I read this post from the beginning. Got triggered pretty good on this one. I am not sure but what a series of private posts might have been better because of the way it started. My prayers and thoughts are with the family and friend of this brave boy and the man who carried him inside all those years. May the good Lord receive his soul with ten times the love and peace that may have been denied him in this life.
Rest in peace Seaotter.


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#207474 - 02/26/08 05:52 AM Re: gotta take the trip [Re: Freedom49]
brian-z Offline
Member

Registered: 07/11/02
Posts: 770
Loc: Western USA
Otter, Sameer, Thad, John, Micky, Keven, "O", Bob, et al. I miss the old gang on the "Night Shift." I've lost touch with most, but I've forgotten none.


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#208606 - 03/03/08 12:33 PM Re: gotta take the trip [Re: brian-z]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
All this was before my time, but the tragedy is one a lot of us are familiar with. As I read this it reminds me how grateful I am for our community, and how glad I am my own thoughts of ending it (when I was 11 and 12) were unsuccessful.

I know Gunnar was a special guy to you Nathan. I hope your good memories of him help you when you think of his premature passing.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#208639 - 03/03/08 06:19 PM Re: gotta take the trip [Re: roadrunner]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
Definately a moment of silence for seaotter, a moment for one who paved the way for us here on MS.

We are all connected, we are all a family, no one is forgotten here.

Stay strong guys
Mike

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JR0NZqu6igg

If we are wise.......... be wise my friends



Edited by mogigo (03/03/08 06:56 PM)
_________________________
Thriving

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#208643 - 03/03/08 06:33 PM Re: gotta take the trip [Re: mogigo]
GateKPR4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
I did not know gunner, when I got further down and read "Gunnar Einarson died today." I cried, I did not notice the date, but it does not matter, he was one of us and it is sad to loose someone who has shared in our experiences. I never used to feel much emotion before I came here, I do now. As Mike said he paved the way for us, and for that I am grateful. May he rest in peace.

_________________________
I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
Ricky
__m_ô¿ô_m__
|| || || || || || |

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#277039 - 02/25/09 04:09 AM Re: gotta take the trip [Re: GateKPR4]
Nathan LaChine Offline
Webmaster
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/22/03
Posts: 5378
Loc: Washington State
Good bye my friend, you will always be with me. Your thoughts your ideas, your support has forever changed me. For that I thank you and for that I will always be in your debt. Due to your kind caring nature I have helped countless youth in my community as a CASA, Advocate, and Foster Parent. I have done Public Speaking and Radio Broadcasts on Childhood Sexual Abuse, and intervention techniques. I have now been published several times in local and international papers addressing issues from CSA, CASA, and Advocacy work.

Because of you I am a better man, your legacy will live on. The lives you have touched will continue to grow. I am not perfect and lord knows I make alot of mistakes, but I will continue to be the man you saw that I could be. I truly hope I can be as brave as you are when my time comes. What time we spent together has forever altered my life.

I truly love you my friend, my brother, my teacher.


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#277054 - 02/25/09 07:48 AM Re: gotta take the trip [Re: seaotter]
riveerboy Offline


Registered: 02/04/09
Posts: 84
Loc: Indiana
Gunnar. Friend. Brother. I did not know you. Your post initially took my breath. Then a subtle passing of goosebumps across the body.

I sat and tried to feel. I was aware of a soft sense of an emptiness in this world. An emptiness that will not be filled.

True, time and life continues. So does the threads of ones connections between worlds, between the timeless passages of hearts.

You seem to be woven into the fabric of this place and the sadness, loss, and love expressed here bears witness to it.

I sit with a sense of grief. For your passing. Moreso, for the loss of a chance of reading your words, hearing your heart. For watching some of the comaraderie between friends in healing.

I have no doubt that your heart and your words have lightened the lives of those who are still here. No doubt, what you have done and been here, will still continue in our time.

You have your Peace,

Good Bye Gunnar.


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#277096 - 02/25/09 11:43 AM Re: gotta take the trip [Re: riveerboy]
Corbin327 Offline


Registered: 04/29/08
Posts: 38
Loc: New York
Though I never had the pleasure of speaking with Gunnar, his experience reminds of us our own, and I am thankful that the final journey he made was not faced alone.

Take solace in the strength he was able to discover through his ability to reconnect with others as well as himself. It was a strength we are all able to lend to each other when times are difficult.

Peace be with you, Gunnar.

_________________________
The sacred lies in the ordinary

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#277260 - 02/26/09 05:44 AM Re: gotta take the trip [Re: Lloydy]
crazy73 Offline


Registered: 02/20/09
Posts: 26
deleted



Edited by crazy73 (09/23/09 04:39 AM)

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#277291 - 02/26/09 11:57 AM Re: gotta take the trip [Re: crazy73]
Little_E Offline
Member & Volunteer
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 11/14/02
Posts: 169
Loc: London UK
I need say no words,

As my hard and head forever remembers you.

_________________________
If your not livin on the edge your taking up to much space!

DISTUBED VISIONS OF AN UNDERWORLD!!

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#277415 - 02/27/09 11:07 AM Re: gotta take the trip [Re: Little_E]
jesusstrength Offline


Registered: 02/16/09
Posts: 18
Loc: USA
Gunnar, your post gave me chills and goosebumps, or is it that you're with us now in spirit. I know you can even see the tears in my eyes, but it's that i wish i knew you better.

I ask you to now as you watch down on us all give us all your strength when we're down and be with us in our weekest moments. We miss you and we will see you one day brother.


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#323258 - 02/25/10 10:49 AM Re: gotta take the trip [Re: jesusstrength]
Nathan LaChine Offline
Webmaster
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/22/03
Posts: 5378
Loc: Washington State
Gunnar,

The first person I ever told, the first person to ever listen the first person to truly care. It has been another long year with many ups an downs. I try to live up to the man I know I can be. I know that if it had not been for you I would have been lost. You are an will always be my truest friend, my light against the darkness. I miss you and wish that we had more time to get to know one another.

Love you always brother!

Nathan


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#354850 - 02/25/11 10:16 AM Re: gotta take the trip [Re: Nathan LaChine]
Nathan LaChine Offline
Webmaster
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/22/03
Posts: 5378
Loc: Washington State
Gunnar,

Another year has gone by and you still mean so much to me. You helped me find my brother here on MS, you helped me open up, you helped me smile. You have an will always be one of the most important people in my life, even though I have never met you. Without you I would not be me, without you I would not be a foster parent, without you I would not be the webmaster here, without you I would not be happy.

The short time we spent together means so much to me. You are my truest of friends and I will miss you always. I hope that you are truly at peace an free.

Until we meet again my friend,
Lots of love always,
Nathan


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#354851 - 02/25/11 10:18 AM Re: gotta take the trip [Re: Nathan LaChine]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
ditto

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#426402 - 02/25/13 10:08 AM Re: gotta take the trip [Re: seaotter]
Nathan LaChine Offline
Webmaster
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/22/03
Posts: 5378
Loc: Washington State
Gunnar,

It has been ten years since we spoke and I am can not tell you enough times how thankful I am for you being in my life. You where the first person I spoke to an opened up to here at MS, you where the one who introduced me to healing. You helped me learn it was not my fault an that I could be happy once more. I miss you alot, I miss our late night chats and our stupid one liners. I miss you my friend now an forever.

lots of love always,
Nathan

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#426413 - 02/25/13 11:16 AM Re: gotta take the trip [Re: seaotter]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1039
Nathan,

It is very touching to remember your MS brother in this way. Just took a look back at this old, dormant thread.

Thank you for keeping the memory of Gunnar, who I never met, alive.

Cant
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

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#426415 - 02/25/13 11:44 AM Re: gotta take the trip [Re: seaotter]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3600
Loc: South-East Europe
Life is so complicated sometimes...
I'm deeply moved by your feelings toward your friend Nathan. I'm sure he was great and warm person and I've felt honored to learn about your friendship.

Pero
_________________________
My story

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#426467 - 02/25/13 07:44 PM Re: gotta take the trip [Re: seaotter]
Little_E Offline
Member & Volunteer
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 11/14/02
Posts: 169
Loc: London UK
Gunnar,

It doesn't seem or feel like 10 years have past!

That the boy I was that couldn't sleep, the one who had nightmares when he did. The one who couldn't cry or allow him self to feel. The boy you helped to become a man.

With out your advice, your kind words, your understanding. With out you pushing me forwards making me question what I through was true. Helping me find friends, and a new family here on MS.

I hope you would be proud of who I grew up into... [Remembering that when I was 10 years younger I didn't think I would make it to here! Couldn't see myself as an adult. Didn't want to be an adult].

I am indebted to you forever, for the love and friendship you showed to me as a lost child in a world, and shall carry on "Paying it Forwards", by in turn helping others become more always.

As I look around a site which when I was a teen, had supported and guiding me through the worst of times, I feel strangely at home, even though there are ten-thousand new names of siblings I have yet to meet.

When you were here, you introduced me to CyberChild, another teen at the time who was just as lost and confused as I was. When you died it cemented our friendship in time its self. For 10 years later, me and CyberChild's friendship is still as strong as ever. I even flew out to the USA (for the 5th time) to spend xmas and new year with him. And one of my favourite memories is when we both flew to Amsterdam your city, and had a drink to celebrate you.

The child you knew didn't have any good memories, just pain. I wish I could share with you now all these new memories I have created, all the exciting things I have done. And to let you know that the pain, the nightmares have nearly all gone, (Yes I still have the odd bad day, but it's not everyday). Thank you for not getting mad when I said I didn't believe you that one day it would get better, I guess I had to live it to believe it.

Now I need to go, I have a class of 30 eight-years to teach in the morning, and time and healing and yes even 2 year of therapy (I remember always swearing blind to you and most other people on MS I would never go do that!) has allowed me to sleep peaceful, as I hope you are now.

Catch you on the flip side.
Elliot!
_________________________
If your not livin on the edge your taking up to much space!

DISTUBED VISIONS OF AN UNDERWORLD!!

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#426482 - 02/25/13 08:26 PM Re: gotta take the trip [Re: seaotter]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6376
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
Wow....MS now has "Old Days."

You look WAY back in some of those posts...wow! Where are they now?

I'm SO pleased and encouraged to see a departed MS member remembered like this.

Nearly the entire crowd I met here when I was first tossed up on the beach is gone....long gone.

I miss SO many of them. I wish they would pop-in some time and say "hay!"
_________________________
Jesus Loves The Hell Outta Me!

Still's Globs

New Video

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#426516 - 02/26/13 12:28 AM Re: gotta take the trip [Re: seaotter]
Nathan LaChine Offline
Webmaster
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/22/03
Posts: 5378
Loc: Washington State
Elliot,

I can only echo what you have said in this posting, it has been a challenging but rewarding decade. I know if it wasn't for Gunnar I would not be the man I am today. I hope that he is looking down on us an is proud of the men we have become. Love you always Gunnar an we will meet again one day.

Everyone,

Thank you for the kind words and the support, it is always a time of reflection when this day comes. It took just one man to shape an change my life an my friend's life forever. One simple survivor saved me from my self an set me on this path. We can never know the true depth of our actions and how they shape other people's lives. I am honored to volunteer an give back to my fellow survivors all because of a good friend made me laugh when no one else could. Even within the darkness you showed me there is light, there is hope, and there is love.

Lots of love to you an everyone on MS.

Nathan LaChine aka CyberChild

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#461469 - 02/25/14 10:57 AM Re: gotta take the trip [Re: seaotter]
Nathan LaChine Offline
Webmaster
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/22/03
Posts: 5378
Loc: Washington State
Amazing how quickly time passes..... I have never forgot the kindness, friendship, and humor that you shared with me. I hope that as the years go by I live up to your expectations and you know that I am human and make mistakes. What I would give just to spend one more night in chat with you. Thank you for all that you did for me my friend, you will always be missed but never forgotten.

Lots of love always,
Nathan

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