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#48460 - 02/25/03 12:35 PM gotta take the trip
seaotter Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/19/02
Posts: 16
Loc: Netherlands, EU
I have been coming here for only a few months now, but already I have come to love each and every one of you. Regrettably, all things come to an end one day, and this is one of those days.

I intended to write a letter, to those who used me, but whats the use?

My time is running out fast, for my body is failing and I cannot stand the pain any longer.
My immunesystem is gone and no hope in this life remains, so, for the first time in my life I am gonna end the pain.

By no means do I intend to hurt or cause grief to any of you, or anyone at all, but it has to end, please understand and forgive me for that. And please respect my desicion, I was not an easy one.

to those who I have come to know better than most:
I will miss you guys, but it wont be long before we meet again, just dont do as I do,k?
Dan, Gaby, Al, cog, anyone I leave out, take cares and stay well.
And, Al, your time is not here yet buddy, I heard yesterday what happened, and if you are still here, bide a wee, its not too bad at times and dont do this to marc? please, that hug I promissed, I will save it for you up yonder, but I dont wanna see you just yet!
gonna miss you though
all of you

be well and stay well

Gunnar,

gotta go home boys,

see you there


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#48461 - 02/25/03 12:38 PM Re: gotta take the trip
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
BROTHERS HELP. WHATS HAPPENING HERE??

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#48462 - 02/25/03 02:08 PM Re: gotta take the trip
zadok1 Offline
Member

Registered: 11/05/02
Posts: 188
Loc: Ohio
seaotter,
STOP! if you are thinking of taking your own life. get ahold of a crisis hotline, now!!!! if i am misreading something forgive me, but your post is the most frightening thing i have ever run across in my life.

_________________________
The world is a dangerous place, not because of those that are evil, but because of those who do nothing about them- Albert Einstein

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#48463 - 02/25/03 03:06 PM Re: gotta take the trip
Ethan_B Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 02/25/03
Posts: 15
Loc: Netherlands
To all:

Gunnar Einarson died today. His body gave up, long before he did, though reality came to him this morning. It took him great effort to write above message, and though he indeed intended to end his suffering by his own hand, he lacked the physical strenght to do so. there was no need too, God called him away for He must have known it had been too much already. He died peacefully in his bed, and he was not scared, we prayed and talked, we said our goodbyes. He is gone ahead to a better place, and he will await us there.
He will be dearly missed, but God takes care of him now, and there can be no doubt, He will do a much better job than any of us could ever do.

He left me to care about some outstanding issues, involving some of you here, feel free to contact me at any time. We all lost a very dear friend, collegue, mentor and and boy so much wiser than the count of his years. only God knows why all this had to happen, dont expect an explanation, please.


Ethan.

_________________________
Never jump without both ripcords

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#48464 - 02/25/03 05:02 PM Re: gotta take the trip
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Gunnar, Seaotter, will be missed by us all.

He gave us a great deal of support and help, and I know the world was a better place because he had the strength to be a survivor.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#48465 - 02/25/03 05:45 PM Re: gotta take the trip
brian-z Offline
Member

Registered: 07/11/02
Posts: 770
Loc: Western USA
hotel kiosk no spell checker

Otter,

Self imposed exile is not the answer, neither is taking your own life. I've tried both, fortunitly I was unsuccessful at the latter. But every successful at the former, I've had to step back from NOMSV but I'm not cutting people out of my life, it's something I know I can do, but it wont fix anything.

if you want to talk, offer stands.

Brian.


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#48466 - 02/25/03 06:11 PM Re: gotta take the trip
brian-z Offline
Member

Registered: 07/11/02
Posts: 770
Loc: Western USA
I never read replys any more. I guess I should. I'll miss you Otter


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#48467 - 02/25/03 06:33 PM Re: gotta take the trip
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Something to remember Gunnar by.

Quote:
I knew a boy once, just a little boy.

Doing what all boys do, liking what every boy likes and playing and exploring that great new thing, which the world is to little boys.

Now this was a good boy, kind and thoughtful to the needs of others.

No matter what, he always did his best, and surely he never missed a day in school, yes, this was a good boy, for sure.

Worked when he was supposed to, and played whenever he could, in a little boy’s world, filled with horses, soldiers, knights and pirate ships, pledges of life-long friendships and an open mind to all things around him.

Yes, to all who saw this boy it seemed a sight to behold, that boy who was all that embodied boyhood itself, those beautiful few years of summer days in fields of clover, the years of wonder.

The old men looked at this boy and thought back to their own fainting memories of those long bygone times, that for sure seemed to get more like heaven every day.

And too, this boy had his fears, of monsters under the bed, ghosts and boy-eating giants, mean old dragons and crocodiles and tigers.

But this boy’s fears were no fantasies, no glimpses of imagination nor the dreams that stem from grandma’s scary tales of wolves and trolls.

No, this boy’s fears were all too real, so was his hunger. His wounds did not bleed imaginary blood, nor was the terror that climbed into his bed, a ghost or just a bad dream. That embodiment of fear was his dad, his brother, a neighbour, a foster, a friend of the family, a Minister, a teacher or whatever form evil chose to appear in.

This was a very scared and confused, hurting little boy, so scared and ashamed nobody could ever know, for what was going on? He sure did not know, he just did not understand what and why that happened, what was wrong with him? For that he knew, something was wrong.

And surely it could not be the adult, for adults are always right. Right?

So was forged the ball and chain of shame, the imprisonment of a young mind, the torture of memory, the dungeons of evil open wide and deep for this boy, and although he tried to get hold of whatever he could hold on to, the drop down seemed to never stop.

Like running the gauntlet, his drop down. Years went by and he encountered the shadows of his past, for sure, he smelled the Sulphur and brimstone, and he saw with his very own eyes the blazing pits of Hell itself.

Then, one day, he hit the bottom. Hard. Face down, as naked and helpless as the day he was born.

He sat up, slowly coming to his senses, so long lost.

As he looked at his battered and bruised body, he suddenly realized he was not a boy anymore, no, he was a full grown man.

He asked himself what happened, and cried over his lost youth.

Suddenly he noticed a boy was standing in front of him.

That boy was he.

He asked the boy what to do, and the boy duly replied that it was not for him to answer a grown up as to what to do,

But he said to the man “seek the answers within us” and the boy disappeared as suddenly as he had appeared.

He heard a voice saying though “I will never leave you, take care of us” “both…….”

The man cried, for he had so craved for someone to talk to, after what seemed to be an eternity of loneliness.

But as he sat there, whining and moaning his misery, he realized what it was, that the lost boy had meant.

He stood up, and he knew just what to do.

He was going to fight, and set that boy inside him, free.

As a clarity of his mind, like nothing he ever had known came over him, he realized he was still down in that dark pit.

He looked up, but nowhere could he see the light of day.

He felt the walls, but no door was there.

He felt the floor, but no way out he could find.

Then that old feeling of disheartening came over him again, and he was about to give up when he saw a flash before his eyes

He saw himself, long ago, in agony.

This very sight filled him with a rage,

A rage only the truthful can feel,

And with a battle cry no ordinary man could ever holler out,

He tore down the walls of his prison with his bare hands and the strength of his mind.

He was free.

His dark confinements had changed into a field of blooming clover, and roe deer and wild creatures grazing and roaming therein, all was there, like Noah’s ark it seemed, and a stream as clear as Silver ran through it. All was there,

all, but fear or evil.

Never had he encountered such beauty, and as he stood in this field, he felt as if he was born again.

But he knew, what evil was now. Oh, yes. He knew alright.

But there, that day on which he learned the true meaning of the word freedom,

He swore a solemn oath:

I will not bow my head, nor shall I live in bondage.

Never again shall I allow evil to rule my mind, my body nor anything that is mine,

For it was given to me, and now as I behold that which was denied me for so many a year,

I know

There are things worse than dieing.

I shall prefer to fall to the hand of any man who would deny me all this which is good and beautiful,
rather than to ever submit again.

For I know now, Lord God, what precious gift you have given me.

I shall prove worthy of it.

He saw then, the boy, which he once had been,

Playing and running free in the field, a sight to behold.

A smile on his face.

And he knew,

He had set his past and future free


-------------------------------------------------
Be well and stay well,

Gunnar
***************************************************

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#48468 - 02/25/03 08:52 PM Re: gotta take the trip
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Thank you for filling us in Ethan.

Gunnar the Seaotter was & still is an inspiration to me even in the brief time I've known him.

Seaotter I salute you, and I'll see you on the other side my brother.

Thank you.

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#48469 - 02/25/03 10:13 PM Re: gotta take the trip
orodo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/15/02
Posts: 735
Loc: Imladris, The Safe Haven of Ar...
I have lost another hero..

_________________________
It is better to be Dragon Master than Dragon Slayer. Some Dragons are meant to be mastered, others meant to be slain. Odin, Great Spirit, God, grant me the wisdom to know the difference. "May the Valar guide and bless you on your path under the sky"

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