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#482927 - 05/27/15 12:21 AM greetings
scardycat Offline

Registered: 04/10/15
Posts: 1
Hi I am new to this group. I was very hesitant and kind of afraid to post because I had never opened up to anyone before but I was troubled by something that happened to me recently. I was at work one night and walked into the break room where some of the employees were watching a tv movie during their break time. I don't remember what the name of the movie was but the scene that I walked into was a prison shower scene where it was strongly implied that a man was being raped and then beaten up afterward. I had to walk out immediately because it was very disturbing to me. As a young boy, I was sexually abused by my father for several years as well as being thrown around and smothered on several occasions. After watching that program, I could not get that scene out of my head for days, it kept playing over and over. I know it was a stupid movie but that didn't make any difference. I could not tell my employees what was bothering me because I was terrified and embarrassed of disclosing my past. I was very hesitant even to go in to the breakroom because I did not want to see anything they were watching that was similar or violent in nature that would linger in my head for days on end like that freaking movie did. As a matter of fact, I can't even handle any movie or tv show where there is excessive violence. I thought that as I had gotten older (I am now 49) that all that crap would fade but it never does, it just seems to tuck itself into the recesses of your mind until something like that movie brings it back out. I guess that is why I finally overcame my fear to introduce myself to a group who I can hopefully relate and stop feeling like I am some kind of abnormal or weird person because of issues that I have kept hidden to avoid being labeled some kind of weirdo or freak. It feels good to be able to get that off my chest and as I become more comfortable here, hopefully I will be able to post or contribute more.

#482928 - 05/27/15 12:27 AM Re: greetings [Re: scardycat]
victor-victim Offline

Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 5043
Loc: O Kanada
welcome to!

i hope that you will discover, as i did, that your fears lose power as you examine and discuss them. this is a good place to do that. just writing about it makes it less frightening, i find. many movie scenes have triggered me. some have haunted me long after i witnessed them. some things you can't unsee. i know what you're going through.

wishing you well on your road to recovery.


#482979 - 05/27/15 05:22 PM Re: greetings [Re: scardycat]
Nothing Man Offline

Registered: 04/10/14
Posts: 550
Loc: Ohio

Contrary to your username, you were very courageous in taking the first step toward healing: revealing the problem. I strongly encourage you to find a therapist who specializes in treating adult survivors of child sex abuse. Talking about the issues and the memories with a compassionate, trained person gives you power over them and the fear abates.

It is so important to remember -- and I have to remind myself of this -- YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME FOR WHAT YOUR FATHER CHOSE TO DO TO YOU. You were abused and mistreated by one of the people you should have been able to count on to protect you, not abuse you. Dealing with the fact that your abuser was one of your parents is hard. I know this because my mother was one of my abusers.

Someone wiser than me once said that children cannot consent, they can only comply. You did not consent to being violated and misused.

Welcome to MS. I hope you will visit here often, post often, and make use of the chatroom.

Suisse et libre

#483035 - Yesterday at 12:31 PM Re: greetings [Re: scardycat]
Bluedogone Offline

Registered: 07/03/13
Posts: 488
Loc: Southeast US
Hi ScardyCat, welcome to MS

How many times I heard that name growing up! I didn't understand a lot of what was going on at the time, but I knew that wasn't a name to be cherished.

By joining in with other survivors you've made another courageous step in the long journey of healing and recovery. And proves once again the name is not who are. A father should nurture, protect and love his child, and I'm sorry that you were left to deal with the weird freakish emotional crap that his actions caused.

I hope you find, as I have, You are not alone in dealing with the past, and that you will soon be comfortable enough to post and contribute more.

Heal well.

Never, never, never, never give up....Winston Churchill


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