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#482702 - 05/23/15 02:24 PM Interesting quick
target687 Offline

Registered: 05/05/15
Posts: 13

I thought this was a good article. I don't have children yet, so never occurred to me to even think that way. Anyone feel this way? Thoughts or feelings.

#482706 - 05/23/15 04:16 PM Re: Interesting quick [Re: target687]
Mishka95673 Offline

Registered: 01/03/15
Posts: 191
I don't have children so if my views are inconsistent with the majority of parents, that may be why.

What I do have are two wonderful nephews with whom I am very close. The older nephew is 26. I couldn't be prouder of him.

When older nephew was little (maybe 8), he was quite defiant with everyone except me; he always complied with my instructions because I took the time to explain to him the reasons. He used to want to play in the front yard all the time and people would just yell at him to return to the backyard. I took him aside one day and asked him if he understood and he said he didn't. That is when I allowed him a glimpse of the world he lives in. I told him there were dangerous people in the world and that they stole children from their parents, hurt them, and even killed them. I said he was less safe in the front yard than the backyard because if one of the bad people was driving around, he or she could easily see him, pull up and grab him very quickly, and we may never find him in time. Of course my nephew was scared to learn that the world wasn't a completely safe place...but he ended his defiance about playing in the front yard and he started studying martial arts. My nephew became more aware and through his awareness, he increased his safety. My family was not happy that I reduced his innocence but I truly believe we increase the vulnerability of our children by shielding them from the unpleasantness of the world.

I think children need to be old enough to understand the risks of spending the night somewhere else. They need to understand that the parents are not there to protect them, that they could be hurt by either other young people in the house or by the adults in the house. They need to feel empowered to call home at any time during the night to request a pick up because of discomfort.

And this knowledge of risks and ability to turn to the parents for back-up applies to more than just spending the night places.
Unfortunately as a child I could not turn to my parents so I suffered more than I should have. One time my parents were in the next room while I was being molested by their friend's son. He and my brother were much stronger than I so there was little I could do. History had taught me that if I told my parents they wouldn't believe me and if I screamed for help, drawing attention to me, I would have been badly beaten when I got home.
So a relationship where the kids understand the dangers, understand to be aware of them as they live, and understand that the parents are always available to help them when needed or wanted would be my preferred approach.

just my 2 cents

#482712 - 05/23/15 05:46 PM Re: Interesting quick [Re: target687]
Esposa Offline
F&F Greeter

Registered: 10/19/11
Posts: 764
Loc: NJ
Mine don't sleep out. It just seems like a completely unnecessary risk. They prefer to be home at night now (teenagers) even though they whined a lot when they were younger.

#482758 - 05/24/15 06:12 PM Re: Interesting quick [Re: target687]
target687 Offline

Registered: 05/05/15
Posts: 13
So sorry to hear about that Mischka. Esposa - I was the same as your kids. Preffering to be at home.

And yes, I think it's so important for kids to understand all of this stuff that goes on in this world (obviously not to the extent an adult knows). I was a homebody, and attached to my moms hip when I was young and couldn't make it through the night at friends luckily I didn't run into any problems (and was safe at home). However, I really think the schools need to remind kids that if they can't go to their parents, they can come to someone in the school! It's crazy looking back...I remember being in 1st grade and the teachers explaining the "no no" areas that someone should never touch on you. But I don't ever remember them saying that this person could be a PARENT, or FAMILY MEMBER. It really was never discussed that much more than the one day we spent about 'no no touching'. But I think this should be followed up throughout the years in the school. I just think there's such a huge gap with awareness on this issue. It is more frequent than AIDS and cancer and all these diseases combined. That's a lot of abuse going on. So many parents even accidentally send their kids out into things, thinking they're going to be getting a great experience...and something happens. It breaks my heart any which way i think about it. Is anyone ever really safe anymore? I'm almost scared to have kids now! TV is out of control. Internet stuff is out of control. I do know that there are a lot of good people out there too...but the bad ones kind of scare the sh!t out of me. Thanks for the insight, ladies.

#482788 - Yesterday at 04:27 PM Re: Interesting quick [Re: target687]
Mishka95673 Offline

Registered: 01/03/15
Posts: 191
Thanks Target. I had wonderful parents who did the best they could by me. They gave me a much better childhood than either of them had. Obviously it wasn't perfect because they lacked some skill sets and coping mechanisms themselves but I learned many years ago to forgive them - it's a waste of my energy to blame penguins for not being able to fly.

It took a while to be able to believe what I just wrote but now it's part of my daily truth and I am able to focus on other things they taught me

#482807 - Yesterday at 10:43 PM Re: Interesting quick [Re: target687]
Still Offline

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6903
Loc: FEMA Region 1
This article is 100% right-on!!!

I've included sleepovers in many group discussions and safety seminars, but this author does one very fine job.

I won't go into the how's and whys, as it speaks the plain truth of the risk. Spread this thing around the world.
My fault? How's this my fault? [Dean Vernon Wormer, 1978]


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