Typically any old guy who somewhat looks like my father .. I'm attracted to .... My relationship with my father has really never been good ... I don't find young males attractive... ... My question is could this be from my abuse or is this just me. I was abused by my older brother at an early age ... When I realized that I was sexually abuse I was emotionally hurt as well as most of us are .... My thing is can I be recreating my abuse with seeking it out with a father I've never had ... I just feel so disconnected from my father could this be from my abuse .... My father also abused me physically and emotionally growing up. So any other father figure I had growing up I considered my father to.. I think I confused sex with bonding with males ... And how I see it I'm still looking for my fathers love through sex cause when I was younger that's what I thought was normal. I'm not trying to use my abuse as an excuse for my sexuality ... But being a man who though he was straight up until I realized my abuse and started having these strong attractions to older men .. I kinda linked my abuse as to why I started having these strong attractions/ fantasies ... For me being a straight man with these crazy thoughts are starting to make think other wise of my sexual identity..

Edited by Tryingtolive (05/20/15 01:53 PM)

I hope they understand, that I really understand, that they don't understand