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#48097 - 07/01/03 03:32 PM Re: Elo guys
outis Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2260
Loc: Maryland USA
Quote:
But sometimes I really wonder is there a point, to try to work things out. I mean what can i work out from this?? It's happened, nothing;s ever gonna change that. Will I ever feel different?
Titan,

You ask the hard questions that have plagued me, too. I can't change the past. I'm learning, slowly, to accept that what happened, happened.

Is there a point? Well, I suppose the real point is that you are worth it. Keep coming here and you'll hear us tell you over and over that it (the abuse) was never your fault. When you realize that you are not to blame, that means you are still as worthwhile as ever.

That's the point.

Feel different? I'm not offering any guarantees, but I'd bet you will. Here's my experience with feeling different from just today.

I felt hopeless this morning. My wife didn't hug me hard enough when I kissed her as I left for work. Our marriage is ruined, oh, my poor kids will have to endure a divorce. Poor, poor me.

Bullshit. I came here this morning and saw some of the stuff guys were writing, like the stuff they wrote to you. I realized that life after the abuse has never been as bad as I have imagined it was. I still imagine (witness this morning), but I like the sound I think I heard in my wife's cheerful voice on the phone an hour ago.

Go easy on yourself. It takes a long time to come back from such a terrible insult. Nobody does it all at once. We do it day by day, step by step. And with the gang here, we do it together. You noted that these guys write kind words. Yeah, they do, because they have been through the kind of hell that you and I have seen. You may get some tough words from us sometime, but it'll be because one of your brothers thinks you need a kick in the pants. I know I have needed that, and I've gotten it here from time to time.

It's worth it because you are worth it. Part of you recognizes that, and sent you looking for a place like this. So pull up a web browser \:\) and join us for a few conversations. We know you're worth it, and in time I believe you'll see why.

Thanks,

Joe

_________________________
"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

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#48098 - 07/01/03 06:53 PM Re: Elo guys
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Titan
as hard as it might seem, get some sleep.

The nightmares are bad I know, but we usually sleep either side of them, and we need sleep to keep our bodies in shape. It's one less thing to worry about.

Come here and vent, share the damned nightmares, tell us your fears. We listen, support and don't pass judgement.
And from the little I know about Singapore I can understand why therapy might not be the easiest option for you. So let us help.

Is there a point ? yes - does it ever go away ? no.
That sounds hard to accept, but it's not the whole story.

The point is we can improve our lives, sometimes dramatically. We can overcome the behaviours such as acting out ( and they can be very different from person to person ) We can control flashbacks and fantasies, maybe not eradicate them, but control them so they are tolerable and don't dominate our lives.
Depression and stress can be dealt with as well.

We can't force ourselves to forget, so it's going to remain with us, but we can be the master of our memories.

It isn't easy, but it's worth every effort.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#48099 - 07/02/03 03:04 AM Re: Elo guys
titan Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 06/25/03
Posts: 11
Loc: singapore
Thanks Lloyld and outis. I know what you guys are saying, heck, I've told myself that so often before. Guess sometimes we need to hear others tell us what we know when we lose sight of certain things.

Its just pisses me off that I've work so hard to put things behind me and that those eforts seem to work, and out of the blue wham! Now every little things bring back those awful memories, fears and shame.....

I know I need to step out of this self-pity stage and move on, I think it pisses me off to realise I'm not as strong or in control as I thought I was.

Lloyd you're right about getting therapy in Singapore. I'm surprised someone here knows something about where I am. Esp in my job, getting found out would probably brings a array of problems that I can not afford to have.


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#48100 - 07/02/03 09:00 PM Re: Elo guys
The Dean Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 2080
Loc: Milwaukee, WI
We need sleep or we really do begin to be like a nut.

If there is any decent medical help there they can give you medicine that will give you peaceful sleep. It won't be simple sleep mediciine, but it will let you sleep without those nightmares and you will awake reasonalby refreshed.

Bob

_________________________
If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.

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#48101 - 07/03/03 09:22 PM Re: Elo guys
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
titan

In one of your earlier posts you said you could not reveal the abuse because of your fear of being found out, alluding to the fact that it would affect your job security.

Then later you describe behavior that would definately draw attention to you and indubitably place you at odds with your work situation. How can you function at work under this kind of stress. Surely, sooner or later this is going to become evident to all those around you, and probably already has..

titan, this is a debilitating, progressive disease. You were led here in a timely manner, it seems. Please write more about your experiences even if you can't talk about them. You simply have to get the shit out! Keep coming here and posting your thought daily. My first week of coming here, I let out a lot that had been held in, and I became pretty toxic and unstable, but eventually, things evened out for me.

Going without sleep, and driving vehicles in this condition is unsafe for you and others.

Please write, read, talk and pray. Leave yourself open to all possibilites. Miracles have happened here. Take advantage of all this site has to offer, and god bless you titan.

Your being here is a great help to me.

Ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#48102 - 07/03/03 11:07 PM Re: Elo guys
titan Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 06/25/03
Posts: 11
Loc: singapore
San Logos,

thanks for the advice.

I'm not in a conventional 9-5 job. I get busy when assignments come and right now, I'm just glad that my next assignment doesn't start in 3 weeks. I do my best when I'm working like a totally emotionally detached person, i need the job to support myself, pay rental and all since i'm staying alone so I try my best not to do anything to jeopardize it. Oh and I don't drive so I don't think I'm a danger on the roads.

Did manage to get some sleep, however short and disturbed it was, and my body is happy for the rest i think.

No offense but I've long given up on expecting miracles from prayers. Some of the worse things I've experience happen before and right when I was praying...... I remember praying to God, asking him to help me get through what i was going through in one of the many sessions i had with my pastor who was suppose to be helping me, and the next thing i know was feeling him on top of me...It was as if that was my answer to the prayers i made, that i deserve it or I'm not worth any heavenly intervention.

No doubt i hear miracles happening for others, I just don't think I'll wait for mine......


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#48103 - 07/03/03 11:08 PM Re: Elo guys
titan Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 06/25/03
Posts: 11
Loc: singapore
Sorry if I offended anyone with my above post, It's just my personal ramblings.


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#48104 - 07/04/03 12:16 AM Re: Elo guys
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
Sorry, titan

Here I talking about miracles .........I went back and re-read your original post, I noticed that a pastor was one of your perps. Sorry to seem insensitive.

I was never sexually abused by "religious" folk, but even though I have worked for "church" for 25 years, I don't associate miracles with religion. Just the opposite, I think the most significant miracles occur as triumphs over impossible odds in every day life.

Anyway, I don't want to minimize this crisis in your life by submitting a pre>
_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#48105 - 07/04/03 12:29 AM Re: Elo guys
titan Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 06/25/03
Posts: 11
Loc: singapore
Ron,

No offense, I know you were only trying to help, and I'm grateful for that. Sorry if I sounded harsh and offensive, or that I was slamming religion or anything. I was being insensitive myself.

thanks.


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