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#48007 - 04/09/04 07:37 PM NAO EXPOSED
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5773
Loc: Lambertville, NJ USA
I got off the phone earlier today with with "Scott McKinley". Nao's therapist who told me that he terminated with Nao yesterday because he (Nao) was uncomfortable with a male therapist. "Scott" said he referred Nao to a couple of female therapists in the area who are experienced in abuse issues, though not male survivor issues.

"Scott" sounded young and his voice was a bit too high for a male, in my opinion. I got suspicious and began asking questions which eventually led to asking him why he was calling from a pay phone. (He said his office phone had no machine but he had a "patients only" line which was his cell phone that patients could get him at any time. I expressed my amazement that he had no machine and then asked why he was calling from a pay phone. He said it was a beautiful day and he was waiting for his next patient outside and called from there.)

I asked what his degree was in and he stumbled. I said I don't believe him and the house of cards collapsed. He first said he was "not a predator" and then admitted he was researching male victimization for a book he was writing and that he was all the characters we have encountered. He said it was not meant to be hurtful and that "lots of authors pose as people they are not." He said he did this before while researching a book about heroin users. I told him that authors don't do that and this was a terrible thing to do to people who had experienced betrayal in their lives. He apologized repeatedly. I really had to keep myself under control as I was quite pissed (and still am). I asked his age, he said 22. I asked his name.... Heather.

She was apologetic and said she would send me a few chapters of the book she is working on. (She later emailed to say her publisher advised not to since the Internet is not secure.) I said I would appreciate an honest explanation with apologies that might be posted to the board.

Below is her apology and reasoning for doing what she did. I told her I would post it and asked that she read the responses it generates.

If your reaction is extremely powerful or threatening, we may have to edit it. I am sorry this happened but I think the mods and those who were initially suspicious did the best we could.

In the future, all who come here as teens will be given a Mod buddy who will act as mentor and, if necessary, skeptical investigator. If someone is in therapy, I will ask to speak to their therapist because there ain't no way someone is going to fake that with me. (Heather faked all the emails, postings from the parents, and two phone calls to me as the mother.)

Here it is:
Ken
Quote:
To the members of the MaleSurvivor board:

Many of you know me as Nao and have reached out to me to help me.
Unfortunately, at this point, I really have to come clean. My name isn't
Nao (it's Heather), I'm not 14 (I'm 22) and I'm not a boy (though I am still
a victim of SA). I currently work in a dental office to make ends meet, but
really I'm a struggling author trying to get a book published and was posing
at your site as the character in my novel to gain information for my story.
While I have experienced abuse myself, I didn't know how one would
experience it through male eyes. Part of the reason for the novel is to let
people know that male sexual abuse does exist and when a boy experiences
that, it can have devastating effects. My hope is that the boys or men who
read my novel will see how badly this character's life turns out and will
hopefully seek help for themselves to avoid such an end.
So why pose? Why not simply come onto a message board and ask advice as an
author? That is a problem - most people when dealing with serious things
(such as SA, drug abuse, HIV and other issues that come up in the novel) do
not want to share with an author. They will tell this person "Go to a
library for your research!" It isn't that simple. A library book cannot
tell you how it feels to go through some of this stuff. A book can tell you
facts and figures - how many children are abused, what is the normal age,
etc. It cannot tell you what is in the heart of an abused child's soul or
what goes through his mind when he cries. That can only come from talking
to victims. The problem is, victims will seldom talk to authors, so our
only choice to gain information on sensitive issues is infiltration.
So why not go to a support group - I'm a girl. They're not going to let me
in a male support group. My only choice was to do it online.
There was another reason - by posing as my character I was able to put the
feelings he has in the novel out there and see if they're genuine. Put him
to the test as a character - is he believable? I found out that he is and
that's important.
I was informed that some people thought it sounded as though I was looking
for cyber-sex, as I had said to someone on the board, I'm not even 100%
clear on what cyber-sex IS! So I'm sorry if I got too detailed and I'm
sorry if people thought that was my intention, it wasn't at all.
As a novice author I broke the first rule of infiltration - I got too
emotionally involved. My original plan was to post the survivor story and
just sit back and read the board, but I went too far. I cried with you
guys, for you guys. I prayed for all of you. You men on the board are all
so strong and I do wish you all the very best in your recoveries and
healing. I'm sorry I hurt you and betrayed you, especially those of you who
spent hours talking to me thinking they were helping a hurting child. I
know how it feels to be hurt and betrayed, it's not a good feeling and I'm
very sorry. I never set out to hurt anyone but I did. Many times I felt
guilty because I knew all of you were pouring out your heart and soul on the
website and I was only doing research.
Believe me, as a religious person, I've felt guilty about lying to all of
you. It hasn't been easy, many times I've thought of coming clean and
didn't until it was necessary.
I promise that no one's name will be used in the novel, I also will not
quote any specific person word for word and no one else's survivor stories
will be written in there either. You will all remain confidential and after
writing this, I will delete the false e-mail accounts I have set up and
throw away any e-mail address of yours that I've obtained along the way.
However, the lessons you've taught me, everything I've learned from being at
the site, will be a part of the book in my own words. It is my hope that
these words will reach other survivors and they will begin the healing
process. Nao isn't real in the flesh and blood sense but because of the
valuable knowledge I've gained from all of you, he will seem real to those
reading the novel.
Believe it or not, you have helped me deal with issues of my own abuse and I
thank you. I do hope that the advice I've given people here has helped them
as well, because it was sincere. I am still praying for all of you.
I won't ever post here again but I can't promise that I'll never infiltrate
another message board. Unfortunately, it's just part of the research job.
Writing is not an easy task; it's especially hard when dealing with serious
issues. I will promise though, that should I infiltrate, I will try my
hardest first to gain the information without having to resort to that.
I ask that no one attempt to contact me. I will not contact any of you
again. If any of you one day pick up my novel I hope you will be able to
recognize the valuable information contained within it and that you will
feel even slightly happy that you may have helped someone begin to heal.
Again I'm very sorry that I've hurt people here. I wish you all the best in
your recoveries and healing and I will continue praying for all of you.
Peace to you and may God bless you,
Heather




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#48008 - 04/09/04 08:10 PM Re: NAO EXPOSED
Rod Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/19/04
Posts: 10
Loc: Salt Lake City
Hm... the part of my response that doesn't need editing is as follows:

There are lots of books already out there, written by people who didn't need to lie and exploit people to write them.

I will pre-edit the rest of my response

YOU _____ ____ DAMNED _____ HOW DARE YOU ____
____ WITH PEOPLE WHO ARE JUST TRYING TO GET
THROUGH THE _____ DAY.


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#48009 - 04/09/04 08:17 PM Re: NAO EXPOSED
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
Scott / Heather -

I don't quite know how to react to this!

If somehow Heather can create a greater understanding of our issues among the general public, then perhaps we may have been led astray with some benefit.

What greatly concerns me is that I am just 'escaping from hell' and thought that I was supporting a family that was attempting to do the same!

I/We have very low levels of trust - will this mean that in future I will limit my responses & wait until someone has been here for several months before I believe that they are genuine & offer support to someone who is in dire need of that support!

I believe that I must take everyone here at face value and will continue to offer support.

Heather - give yourself a big slap on the wrist...I was a little suspicious last week when Nao suddenly decided to go to the Mal at the same time as his 'parents' posted that 'he has gone to the Mal with his friends...at least thats'where he said he was going'.

Don't play games with people that do not need it!

You deserve better / we deserve better.

Despite that.. best wishes ...Rik

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

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#48010 - 04/09/04 08:22 PM Re: NAO EXPOSED
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
The worst part of this, is that I remember Nao stating that instead of going to the MAL, he had gone back for more abuse! I am thousands of miles away and could picture that happening in my head. There was not a hope in hell of me stopping that abuse AND IT WASN'T EVEN HAPPENING!

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

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#48011 - 04/09/04 08:23 PM Re: NAO EXPOSED
Nathan LaChine Offline
Webmaster
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/22/03
Posts: 5378
Loc: Washington State
Heather,

What ever I say to you will probly go in one ear and out the other. You played on people's love, caring nature, and abuse. You may have hurt people in ways that are far worse then their abusers did. You have taken a safe place away from a victim and made some question if the people on this site are really here to heal. Your actions cannot be explained and if you truly only wanted to do "Research" you should have asked and I am sure that one of us would have come forward. Your actions are no better then an abuser.

Nathan


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#48012 - 04/09/04 08:38 PM Re: NAO EXPOSED
jwh Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/18/01
Posts: 98
Loc: dallas, tx
I must say, I find this both disturbing and intriguing. I'm an author as well, but I am a male and a victim of sexual abuse. I can relate to Heather's desire to gain knowledge and be able to see through the eyes of her protagonist. And certainly it must have been thrilling, as an author, to write the posts themselves, and have others respond to the character. It would be a bit like actually living a novel. Given that all we see on the Internet are words, everyone who posts messages can easily be seen as simply another character.

That said, I think that Heather has done a very immoral thing here primarily because we, as survivors, lack trust. Trust was ripped from us by our perpetrators. And I assume, if she is telling the truth now (how can we know?), that trust was likewise ripped from her when she was abused. Now, she chose, ostensibly only for literary reasons, to pose as a male survivor garnering support from us. In doing so, she exploited the trust of the men who post here. It's fine and well to talk about how much she has valued what she shared with us, and how this will help others through her fiction, but the fact is that she USED the men who posted here. Used them for her own gain. Personally, I don't post here a lot, so I never got involved with "Nao." If I had, I'm sure that I would feel more betrayed. As it is, I just feel repelled that someone would fake this in order to help herself.

There are so many survivors who truly need help; people posing as survivors could distract from the true ones. If you are reading this, Heather, I hope you take this into account before you go "infiltrating" other boards. Is it really okay to take advantage of other people for artistic gain? Or, even if it would, possibly benefit other survivors who read the book (which assumes that the book gets published AND that male survivors actually read it, two unknowns), is it worth it to sacrifice the survivors here and now for those possible readers in the future?

Jeff

_________________________
"I've been waiting for a guide to come and take me by the hand... Could these sensations make me feel the pleasures of a normal man?"--Ian Curtis, Joy Division

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#48013 - 04/09/04 09:02 PM Re: NAO EXPOSED
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
I'm still here & things that I remember from the postings are:

'Crying himself to sleep' 'Don't know what to do to help him' 'he might be gay' 'I wouldn't judge him'. The additional younger sister other than the one that was allegedly recently born! A multiracial family....next time just call yourself 'Pandora's Box'

Read up on Max Clifford!

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

Top
#48014 - 04/09/04 09:23 PM Re: NAO EXPOSED
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Now that I've calmed down a bit I'll respond.

This has been one of the worst examples of betrayal of trust that I have ever seen, and been subjected too.
The garbage she has written about forgiveness doesn't mean a damned thing to me, she lied before and I don't know if she's lying now - frankly I don't much care.

What I do care about is the feeling so many of us must have at being used in such a cynical way.
I know that we have supported "nao and his family" in the only way we know how, totally and without judgement, for that we should all feel proud, we gave our support, and more, because we care passionately about other Survivors.
She abused us.

Her motives might well have some justification, but I for one have spent time talking to other writers and authors in an open and honest manner because they came to MS and ASKED.
And I would do that again for any potential author.

I would however like to thank all the guys who exposed this fraud, from the Members who raised suspicions to the Moderators and Admin' who have spent so much time on this. It was time well spent.
We WILL continue to strive towards keeping MS safe.
It's not easy, and it takes some time to expose fraudsters, and invariably people will get hurt along the way as we get sucked into the web of deceit.

I do hope that she takes the time to come back and read all of our responses, I also hope, sincerely, that she learns from her mistake.

It's time to roll out the support guys, for each other !

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#48015 - 04/09/04 09:31 PM Re: NAO EXPOSED
LupinIII Offline
Member

Registered: 02/21/04
Posts: 156
First of all:

Ken, thank you. I think what you did was tremendous and shows great valor.

"She was apologetic and said she would send me a few chapters of the book she is working on. (She later emailed to say her publisher advised not to since the Internet is not secure.) I said I would appreciate an honest explanation with apologies that might be posted to the board."

Ken, I was going to send you chapter's of my new novel but Stephen King and J.K. Rowling told me not to..you know since fantasies and daydreams aren't reality.

Secondly:
Brothers, please don't let a lonely woman working in a Dentist's office throw you off. What this woman did is terrible..and btw honey please just buy the Fletch DVD's so you can get over your fantasy of being this great mysterious undercover writer....however how sick must she be to have done this? Pretty f-ing sick.

I hope she gets help.


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#48016 - 04/09/04 09:34 PM Re: NAO EXPOSED
LupinIII Offline
Member

Registered: 02/21/04
Posts: 156
BTW mods/admins isn't there something you can do by reporting this to her hosting company by ISP (or something like that). I seemed to recall in other forums that there was something you guys can do as admins where she would get banned from her current service. I might be taking a shot in the dark here, but I seem to remember reading something about that.


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#48017 - 04/09/04 09:36 PM Re: NAO EXPOSED
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1539
Loc: New Jersey
Ken is a great guy, and I am thankful that he is my therapist. Its worth every minute of the hour drive each way that it takes to see him.

_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


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#48018 - 04/09/04 09:50 PM Re: NAO EXPOSED
ak Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
I have not posted here in few months. I may not again after this post.

I do not come here so much. I finally started returning to chat room, after not even going there. I think there are enough bad things that happen to us, as people. I think we have been lied to and betrayed as people. To think of it, we all have had people in our real lives as 'characters' before. We all have had to face those who are not honest with us. But to be betrayed by someone in 'character' as fellow survivor, that is a very painful thing.

I know that you and I do not know each other so well as others here; well, that I did not know you at all, of course. But we have talked in chat room, and I have felt protective of 'you'. I am new with this, I am still very confused with this and having very hard times with this, but I never talked of that with you. I always felt need to protect you from how I truly am doing or feeling. I did not want to be burden to a child. So I beg your pardon, I suppose I was not honest with you also. Only, I was trying to help you. You had chosen to present yourself as a scared, pathetic, and sometimes stupid, young boy. I think the lies of one are worse than the other.

I was talking in chat room last night, not of forgiveness, but to be aware. To be aware of how better we are of the people who abused us. Of how we have choices, of how we are able to have good lives, because we are not trapped by our evil, we can know and appreciate love, and they never will know that. How we have the strength, and how they are to be pitied for the lives they make for themselves. I feel that for you now. I will heal from the abuses, including your abuse of trust. I will one day find peace and happiness in my life. You must carry your lies and behaviors with you. Even now, even with bad memories and losing sleep, even with not being able to eat, right now, I would rather be me than you.

Andrei


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#48019 - 04/09/04 09:55 PM Re: NAO EXPOSED
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Guys.
A lot of this action took place on the Family & Friends Forum where support for "Nao's family" was everything we've come to expect from that extraordinary group of Partners and Friends, their feelings of betrayal must be as bad as ours.

So I've asked them to come here and read the 'explanation' - and although we usually discourage the ladies from posting here I hope that we can make an exception in this case, their voice deserves to be heard as well.

Thanks for your support.
Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#48021 - 04/09/04 10:25 PM Re: NAO EXPOSED
Rod Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/19/04
Posts: 10
Loc: Salt Lake City
Ok... Now that I've calmed down a bit, too, I have something important to say.

I am probably unusual in this, but I WOULD HAVE SHARED EVERYTHING ABOUT WHO I AM WITH AN AUTHOR WHO REQUESTED SUCH SHARING HONESTLY.

You could have used my name and the actual details of my story.

But not now.


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#48022 - 04/09/04 10:37 PM Re: NAO EXPOSED
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
Marc - I've only been here for around 4 months & it's the first time that anything like this has ever happened that I am aware of.

Please do not give up on us so soon.

It's been a life saver for me...1 numb bad apple v close to 1800 hundred good ones.

Life starts again here!

Best wishes ...Rik

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

Top
#48023 - 04/09/04 10:41 PM Re: NAO EXPOSED
ScottyTodd Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/12/03
Posts: 1561
Loc: Pennsylvania
Hey guys - I am beyond pissed at the crap she pulled. I too feel betrayed by her...used...wasted time, emotions...the whole nine yards. HOWEVER, I can't let her insanity affect my response to male survivors needing help. It's like being a lifeguard at the beach. Whenever someone cries for help, I'll jump into the water and give what help I can. If they are "just playing"...sure I'll get mad!!! But, the next time someone yells for help, I'll jump in again. Why? Can I believe I can judge who does and doesn't need help? Can I sit by and refuse to help a "brother" in need when I know how it feels to be drowning and feeling like you just can't make it for another second? Sometimes I may get "played" but for every chance like that, the call could be real - the need sincere - my words crucial for their hope to hang on and keep fighting...you are not alone! That's just how I feel and one jerky lady is not going to make me change my mind!

Howard

_________________________
If you think you can or you can't - you're right!.......anon
It's never too late to have a happy childhood!.....anon
You're very normal for the abnormal situation you've been through..............S. Todd

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#48024 - 04/09/04 11:07 PM Re: NAO EXPOSED
Bill_1965 Offline
Chat Mod Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/29/03
Posts: 1983
Loc: Flint, Michigan
Heather or whatever your real name is,

Your level of betrayal is as deep if not worse than the perpetrators that have sexually abuse and assaulted us. There is no excuse for it, especially the lame one you provided. To pry at people’s emotional wounds as they are trying to heal matches those of the perps. Yours was so deliberate and planned, as them. You are a perpetrator, in the full sense of the word.

Your so-called apology, I will call it that for the lack of a better word because it was not an apology, is despicable. It lacks any remorse whatsoever. The only thing you are sorry for is the fact you were figured out. To go on to say that you will do this to another site shows how sick and demented you really are. Have you learned nothing? To be stupid once is, well, somewhat forgivable as a stupid unthought out act; but to do it again shows how manipulative you are and the lack of decency you have, even at the most basic level.

As far as your book goes. I will not wish you luck. If it does get published, I will not buy it. If you go on a publicity tour, I will be sure to call in and make it known how you are a manipulative scruppleless <>.

There are many people, that are emotionally ready, that are willing to talk about their sexual abuse, their drug usage, their HIV/AIDS, and their whatever. All you have to do is ask and be honest, I don’t know if that is a word you even know the meaning of. These books that are in the library you refer to were written by people that have been up-front and honest. I hope someday you will learn the meaning of that and incorporate that into your life.

The abuse of child, no matter if it is sexual, physical, or emotional, is a despicable act. Just like the one you performed. Abuse of children raises my ire to levels you can only imagine. The abuse of the abused, like you did, does too.

The guys come here to help them along their journey healing. To get support where sometimes none exist. Many are in fragile states. Trust is one of the big issues. The inability makes some of us retreat into ourselves and life in general. Your display here has betrayed the trust of all the members and guests here, some of which were just learning to trust. I don’t have the word to describe what you did in that regards. Just know that they would not be pleasant.

I do not believe you, or even if you are deserving of any belief, in that saying you are dealing with your abuse issues. As we have talked in the chat room, be honest with yourself. I hope someday you will find yourself and learn to be honest with yourself and others.

The guys here all deserve genuine support and caring, as I hope you have seen. Their pain is real, unlike your Nao’s imagined and fictionized abuse. They deserve the utmost respect and compassion. I hope you live up to your word about how you will treat their stories and identities.

I hope someday you will learn,
Bill


To the guys here,

Keep up your strength and do not let this derail you desire to work through this. You are too valuable to let this or anything let you not to find the happiness, joy and love you deserve.

Take care,
Bill

_________________________
Pain is Temporary; Quitting lasts Forever. - Lance Armstrong

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#48025 - 04/09/04 11:49 PM Re: NAO EXPOSED
Curtis St. John Offline
Past President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/20/04
Posts: 1794
Loc: Westchester, N.Y.
I'm with Rod on this one. You would have gotten the same story from me as an author; actually, you would have gotten the whole story rather than the one appropriate for minors.

Howard is also right, I too will help the next person that needs help.

Thank you Ken for all the hard work, I still have faith in the site especially with the new safeguards in place.


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#48026 - 04/10/04 12:24 AM Re: NAO EXPOSED
Little_E Offline
Member & Volunteer
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 11/14/02
Posts: 169
Loc: London UK
I am lost for words! I am hurt! Ur a Bitch!... I dont think i can comment further on this!! AARRR!!

_________________________
If your not livin on the edge your taking up to much space!

DISTUBED VISIONS OF AN UNDERWORLD!!

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#48027 - 04/10/04 01:25 AM Re: NAO EXPOSED
MikeNY Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/07/04
Posts: 927
Loc: NY
Ken, being a network engineer, I can tell you that if a crime was committed, it is possible to track her IP address directly back to the computer that she used for doing this. I do not know all of the applicable laws, but I'm willing to bet that this is a crime that she can be prosecuted for. Also, there has been a major push toward prosecuting internet crimes lately. Heather, if you would like me to, I'll WRITE to you when you are in jail if they are able to prosecute you. If not, there is always the option of the aplicable lawsuit concerning her wonderful book if and when it comes out. Whichever the case is, I believe that MS appears to have a valid legal reason for finding her through her IP address. Plus, the phone call is traceable most likely to a nearby location. When combined, the two should be sufficient for finding "Heather". It should also be possible to find out what IP address(es) "Heather" is using and block them from this message board.

_________________________
"Every child asks the questions which hold the answers to the secrets of the universe, WHAT?, and WHY?". --Me

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#48028 - 04/10/04 02:04 AM Re: NAO EXPOSED
theo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/28/03
Posts: 1117
heather,
you have no conception of what you did. you posed as a child who was being sexually abused and betrayed every man on this forum, every partner on the family forum, but more importantly, you betrayed every single child out there who is legitimately a victim of this heinious evil. i am a writer, and a researcher as well with many years of both under my belt, and i can tell you that no author would do what you did. getting into character? yes, that is valid part of the creative process. what is not valid is the emotional coercion you have wreaked across this forum and true victims currently suffering now. i know researching, and getting into the mindset of the characters, but this is done through legitimate research of real life accounts such as what you would read here. if you do not have the imagination to extrapolate the characters you are creating from the truth that you read here then you need to reconsider your chosen vocation. real authors and actors research and practice their characterizations where it is safe, and those with integrity and honor (which is most of them) would not under any circumstances subject an innocent to their act. what you did was morally inept. you took the truth of every male here on the site, turned it into a character, and solicited the compassion and empathy and tears of those who shared their life and journey with the character you portrayed. what will happen now that another child somewhere will reach out for help and be dismissed as a lie? that will not happen here because this is a safe place for true survivors. but what you did was betray the men here, our partners and families, but especially those children who are suffering from this right now. it is this kind of betrayal that keeps the lies alive about the extent of child sexual abuse. it is this kind of nonsense that allows those who harm children to keep doing it because no one would believe a child.

if nothing else, heather, think about this. how many children have suffered and were even killed because no one would believe them? how can legitimate victims be believed and protected when stupidity like your behavior here on the forum continues?

how many, heather? how many have died because no one would believe them? how many have suffered silently for years because no one would listen? remember their pain and their deaths next time you try to pull a stunt like this because it makes you just like the ones who did this evil to true survivors. how many voices were never heard while you played your stupid, stupid game, heather?

_________________________
journey well,
theo dewolfe

- It is gift, and gift will find its way
- I inherit through my choice. I build through my affirmation. It is through my freedom that I nurture, or fade into autonomy
- I was not given to serve life, but to embrace it

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#48029 - 04/10/04 02:19 AM Re: NAO EXPOSED
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
Okay. I have been lied to at this site before, by a person presenting themself as a fellow survivor with eery similarly past to me. That betrayal is still not 'gotten over' by me. That betrayal still affects some how I am with other people, here and in personal friedships sometime. I have just gone through what feels like worst week or more of my life, and I will not be polite.

Heather, if that is your name,

You lying, evil, fucking bitch. Your deception, and YOU yourself, astounds me. Your lack of remorse in your total bullshit 'apology' is so evident. You can not possibly be working at becoming a writer. Writers have intuition and common sense. Successful writers even have honest emotions. You are nothing but dishonest and false.

Unfortunately, at this point, I really have to come clean.

Yes, 'unfortunately' you were caught. You 'had to' come clean because a decent and intelligent man here who 'busted' you MADE you. Or you would have said nothing of this, just gone away.

(though I am still
a victim of SA).


That makes this even worse, IF it isn't also a fucking lie. You claim to still be a victim of sexual abuse, and can do this? That makes you no better than a victim of SA who then goes to become yet another baby raper.

So why pose? Why not simply come onto a message board and ask advice as an
author? That is a problem - most people when dealing with serious things
(such as SA, drug abuse, HIV and other issues that come up in the novel) do
not want to share with an author.


Did you even ask? Did you even bother to go through 'channels' to get information from people here without causing terrible pain and harm? NO. Of course not. Because that would have taken away from you the dirty thrill of acting out your character, and enjoying how others respond to him. Yob tvayu mat', khuynya.

The problem is, victims will seldom talk to authors, so our
only choice to gain information on sensitive issues is infiltration.


You are not working for the fucking New York Times, Heather, working on some Prize winning story exposing unfair labor practices. You are a failed novelist trying to justify a deception beyond imagination.

There was another reason - by posing as my character I was able to put the
feelings he has in the novel out there and see if they're genuine. Put him
to the test as a character - is he believable? I found out that he is and
that's important.


Yes. 'HE' was too fucking believable, wasn't 'he'? And what of the feelings of those you decieved to test your character? What of the emotions YOU have triggered, deliberately, to play your dam game?

I cried with you
guys, for you guys. I prayed for all of you. You men on the board are all
so strong and I do wish you all the very best in your recoveries and
healing.


I find this hard to believe. I find it difficult to believe you had any second thoughts about any of this, let alone to 'cry for you guys'. And pray all you want. My healing is not dependant upon your relationship with Satan.

I
know how it feels to be hurt and betrayed, it's not a good feeling and I'm
very sorry.


Oh, well, this makes it all better, doesn't it? I suppose next we should be forgiving YOU, for making you 'very sorry'. Wench.

I promise that no one's name will be used in the novel, I also will not
quote any specific person word for word and no one else's survivor stories
will be written in there either.


Heather, THIS should not even be a factor. How dare you use ANYTHING about ANYONE here in your dam novel? Why the hell would anyone here believe anything YOU promise? I am running out of the expletives I would use for you, because the one that is coming most to my mind I KNOW would not be allowed here.

I won't ever post here again but I can't promise that I'll never infiltrate
another message board. Unfortunately, it's just part of the research job.


And here is the final line of the joke. 'Oh, I'm sorry (yes, sorry I got caught) for all the hurt I caused. But, of course I'll do it again. It's all part of the 'job', so how could you possibly be angry with me?

My job is as a sport coach. I was abused by my sport coach. Physically, sexually, beaten, raped. But, I became a successful athlete. So I suppose that was all 'part of the job', part of his training regimen, you think? Maybe that is what I must do to be a successful coach. (No, I am not that stupid or evil, I am just making the point).

I ask that no one attempt to contact me.

Oh, dam, just when I think I have new pen pal.

If any of you one day pick up my novel I hope you will be able to
recognize the valuable information contained within it and that you will
feel even slightly happy that you may have helped someone begin to heal.


I help someone 'begin to heal' by being a part of this site, responding as much as I can and as best I can. I do not need you and your subterfuge to make me feel 'happy' for helping other survivors. How fucking condesending can you be?


Okay, it is time I think for me to exile myself again. Obviously I was not ready to be let loose yet.

Leosha

P.S. Andrei, is good to see you post, even if is only once at this.

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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#48030 - 04/10/04 02:28 AM Re: NAO EXPOSED
yesac76 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/23/04
Posts: 508
Loc: Idaho
I am speechless. I was kept awake worrying for a young man who doesn't esist?!!? That is messed up! I am hurt and feel violated.
I hope that woman can feel good about what she did, and may God forgive her.
But, I will not let this affect how I respond to my brothers here. I have come to far to let some liar take me back to where I was before. My brothers, we are too strong to let her break us!

_________________________
"You live it or lie it" Metallica

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#48031 - 04/10/04 08:03 AM Re: NAO EXPOSED
Caetel Offline
Member

Registered: 11/05/03
Posts: 322
Loc: Paris, France
I can't believe it ! First I want to thank Ken for being so caring and careful.
I feel betrayed, abused and used ! A lot of horrible things have happened to me on the French website where I am a member and things got out of hands last week end. I really really did not need this.
I have shared intimate feelings about mutilations and stuff like that, also about my own experience as a survivor.
What the fuck did you think you were doing ? Making money out of people suffering, using them to make your life more comfortable ? Please go and deal with your own frustration on your own.
I am a woman trying to get training to be able to help male survivors. The issue of trust is very important. Today you created a confusion in the mind of a few members here that could in the future associate a woman with the idea of betrayal. You destroyed a little bit of my work too. It is hard enough for male survivors to come forward and say "I am a victim and I need help", if you had started your research with trying to understand their pain instead of using them you would have though about the best way to approach such a research. But know, you were selfish and just though about your own success ! And by the way I DON'T EVER want to have your book shown on this site. This is an insult to all of us here. You should show a bit more humility !
Guys, please don't mix that horrible woman with other women who are HONEST, CARING, RESPECTFUL and LOVING.
I am with you guys 10 000 %.
With love and blessings
Your brother, Caetel

_________________________
Mitakuye oyasin ! We are all related !

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#48032 - 04/10/04 10:48 AM Re: NAO EXPOSED
MikeNY Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/07/04
Posts: 927
Loc: NY
"Heather", if you are actually a survivor of any kind of abuse then I think that you are in dire need of real direct professional psychological help. It is obvious that you have major trust issues that need to be addressed since you cannot even have the decency to ask people to help you before you just automatically start to deceive people. It also appears that you are having major identity problems. That is obvious with your multiple personality disorder that you are acting out with.

Good luck with your recovery.
Leave us alone with ours.

_________________________
"Every child asks the questions which hold the answers to the secrets of the universe, WHAT?, and WHY?". --Me

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#48033 - 04/10/04 11:58 AM Re: NAO EXPOSED
crisispoint Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts
Ken,

Thank you for posting this. However hurtful, this was necessary.

"Heather"

I don't even trust that this information is real. You LIED. You LIED to ME personally. How can you do this when you are a survivor yourself?

Your apology is NOT ACCEPTED BY ME!

You GODDAMNED LIED to me. You LIED to EVERYONE HERE and you PLAYED US FOR FOOLS!

I CAN'T ACCEPT YOUR REASONS! They aren't noble if they're built on lies!

I BELIEVED YOU! YOU BETRAYED ME!

Just another liar. Just like my abusers.

Scot AND THAT'S MY REAL NAME! I'M NOT HIDING LIKE YOU WERE!

_________________________
There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

fromacuriousmind.blogspot.com
malehurtandsurvive.blogspot.com

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#48034 - 04/10/04 12:20 PM Re: NAO EXPOSED
Andrew Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/25/03
Posts: 1192
Heather, or whatever your name is, no one really cares. Your excuse is so much bullshit. You could have easily 'made' a believable character by just reading the postings and taken a little from several stories and made up a composite. Instead you chose to indulge yourself in a sick charade and therefore hurt several people at MS. What you did was shameful and I am very sad for you. You obviously crave attention. Please seek out some therapy for yourself. Peace, Andrew

_________________________
there is no courage without anxiety

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#48035 - 04/10/04 12:35 PM Re: NAO EXPOSED
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Ken it is remarkable men like you that helps keep us all safe. THANK YOU111

Heather:

Do you know what a perpetrate means:

To do or perform; to carry through; to execute, commonly in a
bad sense; to commit (as a crime, an offense); to be guilty
of; as, to perpetrate a foul deed.


A perpetrator is someone who does something or causes it to be done that is harmful to another or a group of others. Sexual predators are perpetrators and you are certainly in that group.

Your very deception has caused many of the great guys here to suffer a bad bump in their recovery. But they are truly great men, young and old, and will continue on this road.

Now sexual predators accomplish their tasks in the same manner you have accomplished yours; by deception, misdirection, concern and making others feel wanted.

I really believe that from your actions you are not a survivor of a predator but in fact are a PREDATOR IN THE WORST SENSE.

MAY YOU ROT IN HELL. IF THEIR WERE LAWS AGAINST SUCH AS YOU I WOULD PREFER YOU SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE INCARCERATED. BUT YOU ARE TOO GODDAMNED SHALLOW TO UNDERSTAND THAT.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#48036 - 04/10/04 12:53 PM Re: NAO EXPOSED
theo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/28/03
Posts: 1117
i was wanting to post something further on this thread.

ken,
i want to thank you personally for your work and dedication to us and other survivors out there by diligently pursuing this. the fraud she committed will have repercussions for a long time and will reinforce the sense of betrayal and lack of trust already suffered by many of us here. thankfully, though the pain is great and the violation even greater, we are still here as the brotherhood and the community of survivors and their loved ones who are able to share this difficult journey. this thread is going to continue to be very heated, but i want to thank you, ken, for posting this and allowing us to respond.

i am amazed at the response of compassion that still is so evident for those of us here who are still responding to each other elsewhere on the forum. this moronic behavior of a very sad and emotionally stunted person will not prevent me from continuing to reach out. andrei, i echo leosha when i thank you as well for not only responding to this thread, but also for still sharing the journey by comiing here. that is courage, my young friend, and i am proud to know you for the courageous man you are.

caro, i will not allow this sad person to distort the perception of the wonderful women who have shared their journey's with us and their survivors. i will not allow it to influence my response to lady theo. i will not allow this sad person to drive me away from the friends and fellow survivors who have shared their journey of truth.

_________________________
journey well,
theo dewolfe

- It is gift, and gift will find its way
- I inherit through my choice. I build through my affirmation. It is through my freedom that I nurture, or fade into autonomy
- I was not given to serve life, but to embrace it

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#48037 - 04/10/04 02:00 PM Re: NAO EXPOSED
Wifey1 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/03/02
Posts: 380
I could not believe what I was reading when I clicked on this post this morning.... feeling, sad , confused, betrayed and down right fucking pissed off and angry that anyone who CLAIMS to be a survivor of sexual abuse could not only THINK of fabricating such bullshit but to actually USE it to HARM those who have already been harmed in the WORST of ways! "Heather" I doubt that you are any kind of a survivor but I do believe that you need serious mental health help.... GO FUCKING GET IT!
I came here to support my HUSBAND!!!!! I CAME HERE FOR SUPPORT FOR MYSELF DURING THE TORRENTIAL WINS AND LOSSES OF BEING A SURVIVOR AND A PARTNER OF A SURVIVOR!
I shared the "poem" that was written with my Hubby --- you fucking bitch! YOU BITCH!! Your're NO BETTER THAN HIS BITCH C**T of a mother and his abusers who hurt him!
You're NO writer -- YOur just someone out to stir up trouble and make problems for very real PEOPLE AND FEELINGS -- nothing is safe and nothing has been safe for anyone who is a survivor to be able to tell the horrors of what our partners live with or survive with

GOD DAMN YOU!! WHAT IF SOME VERY REAL CARING PARENTS HAD COME HERE TO READ YOUR FUCKING LIES AND THINK YOU WERE SOMEONE THEY COULD IDENTIFY WITH? YOU WOULDNT HELP THEM --- YOU WOULD BE RAPING THEM AND THEIR KIDDOS ALL OVER AGAIN YOU FUCKING BITCH!
IF YOU TRULY ARE A WOMAN I AM EMBARRASSED THAT YOU ARE! ASHAMED THAT YOU ARE!
I have had a hard enough time dealing with the after effects of my hubbys abuse and you and your fucking lies have had the ability to not only set his healing progress backwards but our families too.....
YOU'RE NO SURVIVOR OF SEXUAL ABUSE IF YOU WERE NOT ONE OUNCE OF ANYTHING IN YOUR SELF WOULD HAVE ALLOWED YOU TO MAKE SUCH A BULLSHIT MOVE TO INJURE SO DEEPLY ANOTHER SURVIVOR.
I am sure your snickering to yourself that you were able to disrupt and create such attention to yourself with your fucking story....
PRINT OUT EVERYONE OF THESE RESPONSES AND PUT THEM IN YOUR POCKET WHERE YOU KEPT THE CHANGE TO MAKE THE PHONE CALL TO KEN TO "COME CLEAN"... READ THEM EVERY DAY AT LEAST A HUNDRED TIMES THEN GO AWAY AND READ THEM SOME MORE!

**its no wonder so many men have had problems with females posting on this site, this supposed female just proved yet again WHY**
If there is a way to take legal action against this supposed "heather" please find a way to do so -- "she" already states that she plans to INFILITRATE other sites such as this ---
yes this may be the freaking world wide web, but when a survivor is in a position of reaching out often for the very first time to expose long held secrets there surely must be some way of protecting the "innocent" during times of great stress.
"SHE" got found out -- please who ever is in or has the ability to find the info of where she was posting from please do so... contact what ever authorities it is needed to press what ever charges may apply --- I thought it was against the law to pose as someone else or steal someones identity? or to create a false identity?
**in any event if she is just plain mentally ill she needs serious serious help**
I'M SO FUCKINGMAD I AM SPITTING NAILS.... SO MUCH WORK, WORRY, TEARS **** REAL TEARS!!!***
ALL TO FIND OUT THIS BITCH IS A PERPETRATOR!!!
AND isnt there some freaking law that says the media or someone who represents media/ writer MUST DISCLOSE that fact ????
DAAAMMMMNNNNN IIITTTTTT!!
I cried for that "character" because that "character" is my HUSBAND YOU FUCKING BITCH!! HOW DARE YOU ABUSE HIM AGAIN! I HOPE YOU FUCKING ROT IN THE HELL YOU DESERVE!
I HATE LIARS!
Wifey1 - Sammy
WHO REALLY IS A SURVIVOR AND A PARTNER!!!


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#48038 - 04/10/04 02:13 PM Re: NAO EXPOSED
wrangler Offline
Member

Registered: 09/06/03
Posts: 84
Loc: Northern Virginia
I had to sleep on this before I could even consider writing something about it. Now that I am thinking a little more clearly I do have a couple of things to say, none of which are for Heather.

Experiences like this one, and a few recent others, have reminded me that the internet is largely anonymous and ultimately quite dangerous. But there is a strange comfort in that anonymity and tends to lull me into a false sense of security. I start to believe that I have found a haven from the bad and unpleasant things in the world. Here at MaleSurvivor it has been uniquely easy to feel safe from harm because so many people care so much about each other. But where there are good things there will always be bad people trying to capitalize on them. It is one of the simple facts of life.

In the end, I have had to fall back on what I knew all along. There are no “safe” places… the potential for harm is everywhere. It is my job to protect myself, to keep in place those important emotional boundaries until I have a fairly complete understanding of the present situation. It is all too easy for me to dichotomize safety. I would prefer that a place or person was safe or not safe. Of course the truth is that people and situations are all just varying degrees safe or dangerous, and even the degree is something that can change with time or mood.

Ultimately I believe that it all comes down to the very difficult task of protecting myself from unknown or known-to-be-dangerous things while maintaining the courage to comfortably let in the people and things that do me more good than harm. Learning to do this is proving to be a long hard slog, and days like yesterday feel like setbacks. But after sleeping on it, I know that is was a lesson, not a setback. It hurts, like most lessons do, but I know better how to treat the internet. It is a place for honest reflection and tender words of concern, advice, and empathy. But it is not a place guaranteed never to hurt me, and it is a mistake to treat it as such.

Even the experience of talking to “Nao” was useful to me. My belief that I was talking to a fourteen year old boy very similar to myself helped me reconnect with my own fourteen year old experience. This was not really the result of good acting or sincerity on the part of “Nao”… the belief was just a catalyst that moved me closer to something I am increasingly ready to face… my own real experience as a teenager.

It hurt when I imagined the guilt that “Nao” was feeling, and it hurts to have been betrayed, especially on so sensitive and emotional a subject as child abuse. But all of that hurt has come to good for me, strengthening my resolve to become the master of my own safety, well being and happiness.

There is a book that I finished reading recently by C.S. Lewis titled The Problem of Pain. I would highly recommend it to anyone wrestling with how a kind and loving God can allow so much pain. I mentioned this book to “Nao” as well, and the recommendation still stands. I bring this up here because there is a passage in that book that captures my feelings about what Heather has done.

Quote:
The Problem of Pain, by C.S. Lewis:

For you will certainly carry out God’s purpose, however you act, but it makes a difference whether you serve like Judas or like John. The whole system is, so to speak, calculated for the clash between good men and bad men … To turn this into a general charter for afflicting humanity ‘because affliction is good for them’ is not indeed to break the Divine scheme but to volunteer for the post of Satan within that scheme. If you do his work, you must be prepared for his wages.
My prayers are for all of us, that we may grow from this… that we may be strong for ourselves where we were once weak.

George

_________________________
"Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself." -Mary Schmich

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#48040 - 04/10/04 03:06 PM Re: NAO EXPOSED
MikeNY Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/07/04
Posts: 927
Loc: NY
"Heather",
By the way you F*****G BITCH, I barely feel like I belong here, although I KNOW otherwise, you definitely have NO F*****G right to be here.

_________________________
"Every child asks the questions which hold the answers to the secrets of the universe, WHAT?, and WHY?". --Me

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#48041 - 04/10/04 03:47 PM Re: NAO EXPOSED
Rod Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/19/04
Posts: 10
Loc: Salt Lake City
Hi Heather

As usual, you said too much sometime in the last few days. I know you're not off the board.

Doesn't matter though... we can handle you.

Did you get down all of our conversation for use as dialogue in your novel? Too bad you're not good enough to write it yourself.

If your book DOES come out, be prepared for the backlash.... I'm hypervigilant for words.... I'll remember which conversations were with me, and which chat alias you used.


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#48042 - 04/10/04 03:56 PM Re: NAO EXPOSED
LupinIII Offline
Member

Registered: 02/21/04
Posts: 156
Okay I have to add some more thoughts after further review:

1)There is no book. I don't think there ever was a book nor will there ever be one.

2)I am trying to find compassion for this person. If we stop and think about what she actually did...this is one sick fuck. I am sure many of us can remember a time in our lives where we did really stupid shit because we were in sickness...well this woman is worse. She is..well once again one sick fuck. I think she deserves everything that is coming to her as far as postings and karma goes. However, at the same time I must feel some pity for this poor creature.

Hell even Frodo develops pity for Gollum.

3) I once again have to say thanks to Ken. Super Job!!!!


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#48043 - 04/10/04 04:04 PM Re: NAO EXPOSED
crisispoint Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts
A couple of other things, "Heather,"

One. I just asked Ken to send me your name. I told you very personal information about my abuse, and I want you to know that I'm watching to see if you publish. If I see ANYTHING that even comes CLOSE to the information I gave you, I will sue you and prosecute you for the fraud that you are.

Two. I also go to other boards, and as a writer myself, I know your style. If I even SUSPECT you are playing this game somewhere else, I WILL EXPOSE YOU. You WILL NOT DO THIS TO ANYONE EVER AGAIN! I will use all legal means to make sure of this.

I also gave Ken my e-mail address and permission for him to release it to you. The only thing I want to hear from you is an apology and a printable agreement that you will NOT USE ANYTHING I GAVE YOU, AS YOU GOT IT THROUGH FRAUD.

You have hurt me like my abuser hurt me. I hope you can live with this. You are an abuser and I hate you. I hate what you did to me, and I HATE WHAT YOU DID TO THE BROTHERS.

I hope that you can live with yourself.

And I'm not hiding from you like you did me.

Scot Robert Carr
MY REAL NAME!

_________________________
There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

fromacuriousmind.blogspot.com
malehurtandsurvive.blogspot.com

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#48044 - 04/10/04 04:05 PM Re: NAO EXPOSED
James_dup1 Offline


Registered: 04/13/02
Posts: 1332
Loc: Wyoming
"Heather" (if thats your name),
You say your "trying" to write a book, you say you were doing research, you say you were also a vitume of SA. HOW AS A VICTUME OF SA COULD YOU EVEN THINK THIS WOULD BE AN OK WAY TO FIND OUT ABOUT ANYTHING!!!!!!! You lied to us, lots of us gave you support can cared about "your family". To think that any one would print a book writen by someone who a liar. Ofcouse why not....you know if the writing falls down you can always go to Washington. :p You should be ashamed of yourself, I hope you find a t to help you get over your fantacy life you have in your twisted little head. I dont belive your 22 I dont believe your a writer; I dont belive you are/were a victume of SA. I hope you find the help you need to make your life complete, but you have burned the bridge of the support that we give each other here. Because that whats we do support each other, I know thats something you dont understand as of yet. One day you'll look back on this and understand just what you have lost.

James

_________________________
I have more issues than Rolling Stone!


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#48045 - 04/10/04 05:45 PM Re: NAO EXPOSED
ecb Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/04/03
Posts: 205
I have not read all of the responses to this yet as I don't have the time right now or, quite frankly, the fortitude.

I will say this much, some of which may well need to be edited.

First of all a HUGE HUGE thank you to Ken and the other staff members here at MS for exposing this and doing thier best to keep this board safe for us.

If this woman really wanted to gain information without hurting anyone she would have posted as herself and said why. This way she would not have risked hurting any of us who were more vulnerable and not willing to tell thier story while still getting what she needed from those of use who could.

Her "apology" is an attempt at an excuse. Fuck her. If she truely is a survivor she should know the extent of how hard it is for us to trust and what she has done. Maybe she is and maybe she isn't but if she is that makes her actions here that much worse because she fucking knows better.

I find myself at a loss for more words. I am beyond pissed!


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#48046 - 04/10/04 11:58 PM Re: NAO EXPOSED
gryffindor Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/08/03
Posts: 131
Loc: St. Charles, Illinois
This breaks my heart. The more I think about it, the more I wonder if this woman was out for some kind of revenge. Because it was such a stupid thing to do. If she was a real writer, she would have read a few months of posts and found out everything she wanted and needed to know. Whatever made her want to play these parts? She has no ability to empathize with those who have been betrayed. Instead she becomes the betrayer. It's too weird for me. I feel like slapping her face.

_________________________
"Where there's a will, there's a way." American Folk Saying

"Had I not fallen, I could not have arisen; had I not sat in darkness, I would not have recognized the light." Midrash Tehillim Ch. 22

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#48047 - 04/11/04 02:55 AM Re: NAO EXPOSED
Angry_youth_86_Keith Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/06/02
Posts: 103
Loc: Olympia, Washington
I can only say that I told you guys this. or some of you including mods that I deal with kids supposdly the age that "nao" portrayed. He didn't match up at all. I made thos opinoins clear. All of you ppl who blew it off as me being paranoid should eat some humble pie. Because I see kids 14-17 every single day at school and not to long ago i WAS that age. I have no problem proving my ID to a mod/admin and actually purposely posted a picture of ME holding my sk8s b/c I heard things of ppl thinking i was a fake. Now that you are all so hurt. I hope next time u MIGHT take someones opinoin slightly more seriously when they have knowledge in which they talk of *first hand experience* Nao was obviously a fake to me. 1. Nao never TOOK advice, he just wanted to bitch and moan
2. He didn't want advice, he wanted pitty which shows the sick mind set of this "author". I remeber SO many times me purposly giving him solid and concrete advice, because some of his "issues" mimicd mine that i had/have and he/she would just want a pitty party, or this annoying rude and moronic *nod* crap nao did ALL the time. Nao never tryed to heal, just brought up tired subject for shock effect. And I am mad that you all/most bought into it. I was sayin alot of the things exposed from the first night i saw nao in the room talking. I dont want anything out of this expect to show people..just cus of someones age, or if u disagree doesn't mean they are not knowledgeable in wat they speak of and might be right.

_________________________
"Ignoring mortality, we worship mediocrity"- Greg Graffin

"Live fast, die young, leave a great looking corpse"-Ronny Van Zant

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#48048 - 04/11/04 03:39 AM Re: NAO EXPOSED
I'm Alone Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 02/15/04
Posts: 9
Loc: USA
She is a Fucking whore and i hope she rots and dies...only wish i could [edited] myself.

-------
While outrage is certainly understandable and deserved threats of violence are not. F.

_________________________
If an injury has to be done to a man it should be so severe that his vengeance need not be feared.
Niccolo Machiavelli (1469 - 1527

The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.
Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

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#48049 - 04/11/04 07:59 AM Re: NAO EXPOSED
LupinIII Offline
Member

Registered: 02/21/04
Posts: 156
Quote:
Originally posted by I'm Alone:
She is a Fucking whore and i hope she rots and dies...only wish i could [edited] myself.
This thread is beginning to lose its productiveness and it is getting the focus away from recovery.

Just a thought.


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#48050 - 04/11/04 01:34 PM Re: NAO EXPOSED
Dewey Offline
Member

Registered: 11/13/02
Posts: 137
Loc: the sunshine state
Heather,you asked for forgiveness. You're forgiven,by me anyway. Bitterness simply isn't allowed to take up residency in my soul anymore. I choose to forgive you. When we ask for forgivness however, we should repent, [turn away from] the wrong that we inflict on another. Like the guys said, just be honest. Dan

Guys, we know all too well that Nao's do exist, probably more than any of us realize. Let's keep helping them. Even if it means laying our already wounded hearts on the altar of sacrifice.Our words of healing, her words of healing, who cares? Let the junky stuff fall off of you. You are much too valuable to take on this offense. Dan

_________________________
I refuse to use my past as an excuse to not have a future.
My hero Dad; Trigger warning- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oi3Hyxuf5AE

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#48051 - 04/11/04 01:47 PM Re: NAO EXPOSED
crisispoint Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts
One other thing, you deceptive mind-rapist.

The other thing that really hurt, almost as much as the emotional rape, was that you claimed a lot of titles for yourself that are part of who I am. You claim to be a writer, a researcher, a survivor, and of having Japanese heritage. I'M a writer, journalist, researcher, and a follower of the Way of the Warrior, so that you SAY you're any of these things and just SHIT all over the meaning of what these things are is a travesty.

You also nearly killed me last night, did you know that? You triggered flashbacks, delusions, and enough re-victimization stuff to drive me to suicide. If it wasn't for the voice of one dearly-departed FRIEND from here, I'd be dead. And this is no exaggeration.

All of this was just a game to you, wasn't it? Well, thank God Almighty that it didn't have a real consequence that you'd have to live with, beyond harming a lot of your "fellow survivors."

This is the last thing I will write to you, if you have the guts to read it, and then you will be dead to me. Live with that.

Save also my promise to make sure you NEVER do this again. I think you can tell that I can be your best friend or your worst enemy. Well, sweetie, you've made me your enemy, and I will persue you to the end of the Earth to keep you from harming anybody else or profiting in any way from what you've done here.

The minute I suspect it's your book that's hit the stands, I will go to every media outlet in the New England area and make sure thedeception and lies you performed are known. I will destroy your reputation and sue you and your publisher so you will never see DIME ONE in profits.

A man who was the United States' enemy, but an honerable one, Admiral Yamamoto, said after the attack on Pearl Harbor, "I fear we have awakened a sleeping giant, and filled him with a terrible resolve."

Well, you're my wartime Japan and I'm your United States.

Scot Carr

I'll be damned if I hide from you.

_________________________
There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

fromacuriousmind.blogspot.com
malehurtandsurvive.blogspot.com

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#48052 - 04/11/04 02:31 PM Re: NAO EXPOSED
blacken Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/13/01
Posts: 1196
Loc: Northern Ohio
Oh "Heather"/Nao/BrianMiko/freak,

I am not going to change because of you. I will continue to chat & support those who come here.

Your apology doesn’t really matter either. Those words are just as empty as the rest of your lies.

I don’t actually believe your an author, and though you denied being a predator, you are.

Whatever your true motives are, they are unethical.

You are simply another perp we all have to add to our list of scum bags on this planet.

YOU SAID "most people when dealing with serious things do not want to share with an author".
I think this statement of yours is THE defining piece of evidence that you are a complete fraud.
If you would have learned even one thing during your "research", its that we ARE trying to spread the word & share our experiences.

I am not angry. I am saddened that you have not yet found the help you so despartly need, to overcome your sickness, fed by your demented lies.

I hope one day you will seek out & take hold of help & work to undo the harm you cause with such ease & lack of true remorse.

Sincerely, Blacken

_________________________
Everyone is a genius! If you were to judge a fish, by its ability to climb a tree,
it would think it was stupid all of it's life.
~Albert Einstein

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#48053 - 04/11/04 03:25 PM Re: NAO EXPOSED
I'm Alone Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 02/15/04
Posts: 9
Loc: USA
sorry you dont think that anger is a productive part of healing Lupin. It is my defense and first reaction. If I dont get that out i cant move on to my other feeling

_________________________
If an injury has to be done to a man it should be so severe that his vengeance need not be feared.
Niccolo Machiavelli (1469 - 1527

The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.
Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

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#48054 - 04/11/04 04:54 PM Re: NAO EXPOSED
pedalboy Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 10/10/03
Posts: 12
Loc: kamloops, BC, Canada
I check the website about once or twice a week. I go to emails with the most replys, so I went to Nao's (heather). At first I thought it was strange for someone so young to be replying on the board. Not because of the age, but more for their safety. I also could not picture a teenager being so open and upfront about their abuse. I thought to myself I wonder if this has been on the news because it seemed like a case that had "news" potential. And than after the family and friends posting i thought, "this is complete bull shit." However, there was still a part of me that thought, "what if your wrong." So i said nothing. I kind of feel mad at myself for not expressing that i thought it sounded kind of phoney. But at the same time i didn't want to sound like an asshole. I guess if i feel that way again i will email one of the moderators. As for you Heather I think you need some serious help. You say that as an author you wanted to get more info.

You could have read the posts, and you could have read some books. It was not a very nice thing what you did.


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#48055 - 04/11/04 06:00 PM Re: NAO EXPOSED
LupinIII Offline
Member

Registered: 02/21/04
Posts: 156
Quote:
Originally posted by I'm Alone:
sorry you dont think that anger is a productive part of healing Lupin. It is my defense and first reaction. If I dont get that out i cant move on to my other feeling
I never said anger isn't productive, but if you spend too much time giving this woman attention she continues to have power over this board.


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#48056 - 04/11/04 08:18 PM Re: NAO EXPOSED
outis Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2258
Loc: Maryland USA
Heather,

Like Blacken, I will not change just because you have chosen so poorly. I can read what I wrote to you as Nao in a new light now.

Quote:
You don't seem to like Blacken's post. So why not stop lying to your parents? They can do a much better job keeping you safe if you are working with them.
I asked, "Why not stop lying?" Did that tug at your conscience? How about the line about "keeping you safe," did that provoke a reaction?

Quote:
I think a lot of people will say things behind their login names here before they will say them face to face. I'm pretty sure that no one can make their life better until they trust the good people in their lives to help them. That's face-to-face trust.
I'm even more sure now that no one, especially I, can make life better without trusting the good people in my life. Many of the people I have met here are such good people in my life. Others will be closer to me as we get to know one another better. You were not one of them, unfortunately.

I have spoken, in some detail, of some things that happened to me to other survivors, face to face, male and female. I will speak in public to volunteers who actually do work with real abused children. Others have spoken like that, too. You could have asked counseling centers to broach the subject with some survivors. We are not all in the most fragile times of recovery. Some can and do speak to tell of the pain you claim you want to illuminate. Why could you not post in the Family and Friends as a survivor yourself, asking for help understanding male survivors? Why could you not find the many informational sites that I found when I first looked for help? Why could you not read some of the information published in books for male survivors, some including survivors' stories?

Quote:
Please don't go back to that perp. His "love" is not healthy. It's not even legal. Any porn pictures he took recently just add to the list of crimes he has committed.
Your "concern" for us is not healthy. You took advantage of the people who would most need any supposed benefit from your novel. Who benefits from the story whose creation picks at our wounds in the name of opening society's eyes?

Quote:
You deserve better. You can't have anything better until you step up and do your part to get it. Whether you went there or not, he should not touch you. He should not take those pictures.
You do deserve better. You deserve to treat yourself with more respect. Maybe then you can learn how to treat others with the respect and dignity we deserve.

I don't know what to make of your confession. Am I writing to a female survivor who is sorry for a terrible error in judgement? Or am I simply giving a few parting laughs to a perp?

You know what? It doesn't make a damn bit of difference. I am saying what I need to say, and if it makes you so uncomfortable that you must laugh, because I can see the dignity in myself and others but you cannot, that is not my problem. Like I said to "Nao"
Quote:
You can't have anything better until you step up and do your part to get it.
Joe

_________________________
"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

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#48057 - 04/11/04 09:15 PM Re: NAO EXPOSED
Reader2002 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 05/10/03
Posts: 6
Loc: Midwest
Quote:
I'm a struggling author trying to get a book published and was posing
at your site as the character in my novel
I really doubt that you have the ability to be an author. It is more likely that you needed to entertain yourself and this seemed like it would be fun for you. How sad that you do not have anything better to do with your time but to take advantage of people.

I found your apology totally unbelievable.

Quote:
While I have experienced abuse myself, I didn't know how one would experience it through male eyes.
This is not an excuse for what you did. Also, you are not male. So, it would seem that makes it alright?

Quote:
As a novice author I broke the first rule of infiltration - I got too emotionally involved.
Don't you mean emotionally manipulative?

Quote:
I cried with you guys, for you guys.
Oh, please... give me a break. I think you enjoyed the attention you were getting... nothing more.

Quote:
Many times I felt guilty because I knew all of you were pouring out your heart and soul on the website and I was only doing research.
Right.

Quote:
However, the lessons you've taught me, everything I've learned from being at the site, will be a part of the book in my own words.
And yet you will still benefit by this? If you were truly an SA survivor, I would think you might have a better understanding of what it's like. Since you still plan on trying to benefit from preying on others, I truly doubt you were an SA survivor. I truly don't think you have what it takes to be an author. That's just an excuse.

Again, I just think you were entertaining yourself and got caught.

Quote:
I ask that no one attempt to contact me. I will not contact any of you again.
Kinda sounds to me that you are afraid of being confronted and exposed for who and what you are. I hope you get what you deserve.

Quote:
Peace to you and may God bless you,
Heather
You are so self centered "Heather".

_________________________
Reader2002

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#48058 - 04/11/04 11:57 PM Re: NAO EXPOSED
Ken Followell Offline
President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 12/30/01
Posts: 987
Loc: Bradenton, FL
Heather,

If research from books cannot adequately give you the information you need, then the book you are writing is without point. You are a selfish immature and mean-spirited woman who needs to examine her need to exploit and manipulate others. Please do not write anything till you deal with your issues, there is already enough garbage in the world without your adding to it.

Ken

_________________________
Ken Followell

Everything works out right in the end. If things are not working right, it isn't the end yet. Don't let it bother you, relax and keep on goin
- Michael C. Muhammad

"I get up. I walk. I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing."
� Rabbi Hillel

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#48059 - 04/13/04 03:53 AM Re: NAO EXPOSED
subdeacon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/12/04
Posts: 83
Loc: Florida
Wow, what a thing to come back from Easter to find out! I don't know what to think "Heather." I hope you find yourself on the same roller-coaster of emotions that I was when I wrote to you in the chat room. I'm very new to the world of recovery. It's been a little over 1 month. I finally got to a therapist because of the good advice I got from this site. I still find this place to be a great inspiration to me. The brothers give me hope. How appropriate somehow that you were found out at about the same time that we were remembering in Church the betrayal of Christ by Judas who acted as if he were one of His followers and betrayed Him with a kiss. You say you are religious. You say you have faith. Faith is shown by actions, not just words. Christ said that the world would know His followers by the love they showed for each other. Think about that. Love does not hide its name. Love does not betray trust. Love is trust. Ask someone to share their story....that is what "Friends and Family" section is for right? Heck you could have just listened to the stories told by others and gotten the material you needed. You could have read the posts and the "abuse stories." Why the deception? There are more than enough books out there that have detailed de>
_________________________
"By way of trials and sufferings we must purify the divine image in us...for it is by reforging our senses in the furnace of our trials that we free them from defilement and assume our royal dignity. --Abba Philimon

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#48060 - 04/13/04 12:03 PM Re: NAO EXPOSED
Brayton Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/21/03
Posts: 696
Loc: Minneapolis
If I had been so fortunate as to find a site like this when I was a minor (all those many years ago) and was emtionally able to access it, I would like to think that the people there would've protected the child-me by immediately referring me to a professional or professional therapist who dealt specifically with male childhood SA (which was also lacking then).

Even being surrounded by well meaning adults when I was a child did not insulate me from experiencing abuse or, while and after it was occurring, did not help me deal with it.

For a kid, just being here isn't enough and, I think, is of relatively little value at all. I think of it as triage. If a kid is hit by a truck, I don't suggest that a home care nurse is qualified enough take care of his wounds no matter how understanding and compassionate he/she is. Instead, I make sure that a licensed EMT takes him right to the Emergency Room at the closest hospital.

The EMT would find out right away if the kid was actually hit by a truck or was just faking it and taking advantage of a lot of shocked and caring bystanders in the mistaken belief that such behavior would turn him into a great writer.

_________________________
Sometimes, things just won't work the way we want them to.

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#155451 - 05/10/07 09:27 AM Re: NAO EXPOSED [Re: gryffindor]
ak Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
For Robbie Brown and others who are experiencing much hurt of the recent decieving here, I thought I would 'bump' this up, so they could see that they are not alone in their feelings, and that their anger and upset, it is quite 'normal' to such a situation.

Andrei


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#155516 - 05/10/07 04:11 PM Re: NAO EXPOSED [Re: ak]
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Its not too hard to spot a fraud in this place, nor anywhere
else in our lives.
Liars are unable to be truthful, and nobody can create a life,
nor exist as somebody they are not,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#155538 - 05/10/07 06:03 PM Re: NAO EXPOSED [Re: reality2k4]
Joseph25 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/04/06
Posts: 76
Loc: Canada
Heather,

You stole the trust and time of people I care about. Many in pain dropped all struggles and put their own healing aside as a result of your selfish lies. What could possibly make you think you had that right!!! When you look in the mirror you might see a struggling author and actually believe the filth that spews from your writing. When I think of what you might look like all I can see a cold hearted lying bitch who steals all from everyone for her own personal gain. Though you claim to be a victim your actions have shown that you are now an abuser. If it isn’t another lie and you actually believe in god - you must know he is as angry as me right now. Your excuses and justification are rubbish. I am sure if you approached the community honestly and with some grain of integrity there are people who may have helped you. I wonder if you can sleep at night now that you have shown you have no soul.



Edited by Joseph25 (05/10/07 07:22 PM)

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#155540 - 05/10/07 07:00 PM Re: NAO EXPOSED [Re: Joseph25]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6317
Loc: 2 NATO Nations
I'm sorry. This one just makes me freakin sick and sad. How could she!

We take our recovery seriously. I know I do and many others too. HOW COULD SHE!!! HOW DARE SHE!!!

_________________________
Jesus Loves The Hell Outta Me!

Still's Globs

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#155550 - 05/10/07 07:29 PM Re: NAO EXPOSED [Re: Still]
Joseph25 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/04/06
Posts: 76
Loc: Canada
I havent been here for a week and just read this post. I was so focused on how I felt I just wrote it ...I am sorry for if what I wrote is triggering. I edited what was probably going to far.
Mods - delete the rest if not appropriate.

This site has been my crutch and light in dark times. One disgusting lady isn't going to change that for me.


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#155572 - 05/10/07 10:52 PM Re: NAO EXPOSED [Re: Joseph25]
melliferal Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/03/05
Posts: 1159
Another woman pretending to be a boy. Is this like some kind of half-assed fad or something?

I find it amazing that people like this, when they're exposed, like to admit this or that but always want to throw in something like "...but I really am a victim of child abuse, honest", as if that's supposed to be some kind of mitigating factor. The same way flaming racists love to say things like "some of my best friends are (whichever race, etc)." What are we supposed to say? "Oh, well that makes it not quite as bad. Sorry we got angry."

This latest person, dan17 or whatever, in parting mentioned that she "had a friend who was abused". Sure. One thing I've noticed, in my relatively short life, about liars is that they seem to think that if they're being honest about being caught in a deception - that is, if they're in the process of admitting to lying about something, any other infobits they choose to throw out in the meantime will be more credible because they're coming out during a moment of "honesty".

Maybe some people buy that; I don't. I think it's incredibly ironic, almost to the point of self-parody, to write a letter like "oh, I lied, I deceived and hurt you, I'm scum, I'm horrible, I'm so sorry - and by the way, such-and-such is completely true, I swear". It's ironic, because even if such-and-such IS completely true, you are STILL A LIAR.

_________________________
Children cannot consent; they can only comply.

Oprah's resources for male survivors

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#155573 - 05/10/07 10:55 PM Re: NAO EXPOSED [Re: melliferal]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7819
Good point, Melliferal. A liar looses credibility pretty quickly.

_________________________
Eddie

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#155602 - 05/11/07 07:02 AM Re: NAO EXPOSED [Re: EGL]
Paul1959 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/17/06
Posts: 525
Loc: NYC
Guys,
Just a reminder, THIS post is three years old. AK brought it up from archives simply to help give some perspective on what happened recently with Dan17, et al.

This is OLD news. Don't panic. It's not a rash of imposters.

Paul


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#155604 - 05/11/07 07:34 AM Re: NAO EXPOSED [Re: Ken Singer, LCSW]
Morning Star Offline
Member

Registered: 12/21/04
Posts: 1124
Loc: Home
Ken,
Support groups, be it online or offline are always prone to people posing as survivors, to gain access to information, trust and acceptance of the group. The good thing is that they always do get caught sooner or later.

Then is time to start all over again, without wasting a single breath on them, they don't deserve any attention, once caught.

Morning Star

_________________________
~ It's over!...Let go of Thy Past, Remember Thy Self ~

Why Don't People Heal, by Caroline Myss; 30 days to clean up your vibrations - Abraham-Hicks

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#155606 - 05/11/07 07:43 AM Re: NAO EXPOSED [Re: Morning Star]
melliferal Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/03/05
Posts: 1159
I know it's old - but I'm noticing that this wasn't just an analagous incident, it's a practically identical one.

_________________________
Children cannot consent; they can only comply.

Oprah's resources for male survivors

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