Last night I had a strange dream, and for once I remembered it!
I was in a strange country walking among streets of stone built buildings. A woman carrying a baby approached me and engaged me in conversation. She needed to do something so handed the baby to me. I looked at the baby and the woman was no longer there when I looked back up.
I held on to the baby and walked some distance looking for the woman, but could not find her. Suddenly water appeared from everywhere - I looked up and the woman had re-appeared. She disappeared into the water. I was nearly knocked off my feet, but stayed upright. The baby nearly fell from my arms, but I held on and got it above the water. It coughed and spluttered a bit, but then was OK again and just looked at me.
The woman as she disappeared looked just like my mother did when she was around 30 (when I was born). The baby, although the size of a baby had my early teenage head on it (as it was just after the abuse - I was 12 when abused). I was myself as I used to be when I was around 30 - the age when I stopped doing dead end jobs and first started trying to be who I was meant to be.
I'll be 48 soon - my abuser has been in court again today (3rd time) & will hopefully have been committed to Crown Court.
The dream - it seems like my Mother was telling me: "I gave birth to you once and the child got drowned somewhat, but survived. I'm handing that child back to you now because you are finally becoming an adult and can look after it. It depends on you and you are strong enough for that responsibility now".
Before I went to bed last night, I had drunk a bottle of champagne that I was saving, hoping that the result of the court case would be in my favour. The Champagne was rubbish, but the dream had meaning.
I'll find out what happened in court shortly.
Best wishes...Rik (hope that's not too crazy for anyone).
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!