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#477942 - 02/26/15 01:07 AM Me and a classmate
TW16 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 06/11/09
Posts: 173
Loc: Utah
A couple of weeks ago my classmate gave me a ride to the light rail station. When we got there we started talking about sexuality, and I told him I wasn't sure of my own sexuality. A long story short, he ended up grabbing my crotch and fondling me. I didn't say anything as I was confused. He then told me I could touch him, and so I did.

Since this happened I have been deeply confused on many levels, and when I finally confronted him about it yesterday via text, (as he wouldn't talk to me in person), he tells me "I would love to date you". I don't know that I really want to date him. First off he is my classmate. Secondly, I am not that attracted to him. And finally, I don't know that I want to be in a homosexual relationship.

This issue with my classmate has been bothering me so much that I didn't go to class one day last week, and it is also affecting my life in other areas--such as my work life. I found out today that I am in jeopardy of losing my job, but that it for another topic.

TW16

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#477967 - 02/26/15 08:52 AM Re: Me and a classmate [Re: TW16]
don64 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 1034
Loc: St. Croix, USVI
Hi TW16,

Setting healthy limits and boundaries for myself has been a lifelong difficulty--a consequence of my abuse and my family of origin. The greatest help for myself has been to realize that the limits and boundaries I have to set are with myself. Saying no to someone else is not difficult when I'm able to say no to myself.

Sending you love and support,

Don
_________________________
Divine Law is not judgment or denial of self truths. Divine Law is honoring harmony that comes from a peaceful mind, an open heart, a true tongue, a light step, a forgiving nature, and a love of all living creatures. Jamie Sams & David Carson, Medicine Cards

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#478043 - 02/27/15 04:24 AM Re: Me and a classmate [Re: TW16]
newground Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 10/11/11
Posts: 969
Loc: michigan
hi tw16
I have to agree setting boundaries can be really tough. especially in this area. thing is if you are not sure you want a relationship then you probably don't. Things are hard enough for survivors in this area and to add the ambivalence and uncertainty seems like it would just make it worse. maybe just let your friend know you are not looking just now but if YOU want to and he is ok with it just be friends and if something more develops you can take it from there. I don't know if this helps but its all I got
Jeff
_________________________
Either I will find a way, or I will make one.
Philip Sidney

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#478067 - 02/27/15 09:59 AM Re: Me and a classmate [Re: TW16]
woodenshoes Offline


Registered: 06/04/14
Posts: 174
Loc: North of usa
Tw 16

You need boundaries to keep you safe. I agree with newground talk to him and give yourself time to think or work things out to find what you want.

Ws

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#478293 - 03/04/15 03:43 AM Re: Me and a classmate [Re: TW16]
TW16 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 06/11/09
Posts: 173
Loc: Utah
Thanks guys.

Since posting my last message on this subject, I have spoken with my classmate and we have decided to start over and take things slowly and not rush into a sexual relationship. Even though I want to have sex with him, I am still not 100 percent positive, and as such, my classmate told me that he wants to make sure I am down right certain that I want to be sexual with him.

Tw16

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#486332 - Yesterday at 04:17 AM Re: Me and a classmate [Re: TW16]
Strive 38/11 Offline


Registered: 07/24/15
Posts: 57
Loc: Australia

Awesome that you have allowed compassion to yourself and to your your friend. May I suggest live and relish the journey of your feelings. This guu you are experiencing is normal and priceless to those who had it stole from them.

The most important step here, become friends first hang out and just do stuff. Anything of lasting value comes from this base.

Your friend must see beauty within you, if he has stepped back to allow you certainty. He must be a nice guys.
_________________________
Just because someone stumbles and loses their way,
does not mean they're lost forever.

Strive 38/11

Get out of my way I'm coming through on my own.
I'm coming through all alone

Tunnel
Screaming Jets

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