The new openness my wife and I have developed has been a real blessing, but I am still struggling with self-acceptance some.
Glad to hear it Zadok, and glad to tell you I'm experiencing that new openness with my wife too--which helps some with that self-acceptance that I do still struggle with.
Yes, I was abused, but it feels wrong to simply blame HIM (perp) for everything that has gone wrong in life.
Yes it does!
What happens to honor and self-determination if we place all the blame on others?
It's pretty much flushed, I think. At least that's been pretty much the case most of my life.
Isn't there a point where we can OWN our part in our life's troubles, and still be healthy?
I think that's essential to health, personally, tho I don't always do it.
My point is this. It is okay, I believe, to get to the roots of whatever problems we are having, but we need to take responsibility for our part in them.
Exactly, and very well put my friend! I must get to the roots, and I think I am; but I must also deal with the rotten fruit!
Being molested was beyond our control, but what we did with our lives beyond that, wasn't totally out of our control, and how we reacted to what happened wasn't totally out of our control.
Zadok, you're right; but I can't be too hard on myself. That bad fruit still came out of those bad roots. Being sexually abused did affect, in a very bad way, the shaping of my emotions, thinking, & actions in the formative years of my life & beyond. Which made things seem more out of control than they were, but still out of control. From my perception, things were out of control.
In my mind, I have to stop blaming and running, and stand to face everything head on.
Right. My perception that I couldn't control things or control myself was inaccurate, and was also no excuse for not controlling myself or doing out of control things.
My T tells me "Don't Blame," and that includes myself. I don't want to blame, but I do want to take responsibility & be accountable, "face the music" so to speak.
I can't undo my past, and have to simply accept and forgive myself, but I can control every day from this moment forward.
Exactly! Accepting & forgiving myself!
Last night, I felt so at peace that it was almost unbelievable. All my life, I have lived with this turmoil, with secretes and lies, until I had forgotten what it was to have inner peace. I guess I have finally found a bit of balance. I personally found it by accepting and forgiving myself for the past, and by coming out with it to the people near me.
Real happy for you there, I'm still working on this but it's coming.
Surely, there will come other issues, but God it has been an incredible couple of weeks.
You deserve it my friend. Take care.