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#475697 - 01/21/15 09:55 AM Hello All
Serious Dave Offline


Registered: 01/18/15
Posts: 12
Loc: OH
Hi,

I am 53 and just recently realized that SA when I was 8 or 9 has impacted my life negatively. Unfortunately, my older brother, whom I still love dearly, initiated it and then asked me if I wanted to hang out with some of his friends. "Of course", I said. Who wouldn't want to hang out with his older brother's friends - that's cool! I didn't realize that the price of admission would be so steep. This went on for a few years. Fortunately, I was never threatened or physically abused, just tricked and manipulated, so I never feared for my safety. Maybe if I had been, it wouldn't have taken me so long to figure out something was wrong about what happened. I Have some symptoms from "the list", but overall I've functioned well through the years. My 28-year marriage to a SA woman is going down in flames as we speak, though (it never was any good). One positive, is that the anger I have carried for years has all but gone away since my realization. I am relieved to understand why my life has been so problematic, and I have the hope now of being able to correct it. Feelings of ssa have been a constant for the past 45 years, but I never act on them. I largely made peace with them long ago and choose just to feel them and let them pass - seems to work for me. It'll be ok; God is "restoring the years that the locusts have eaten" by giving me a lot of cool service work to do. I'm happier than I've been in years. I appreciate all of you being here. I need to gain a better understanding of my situation, and I want to be a help to others. God bless.

Dave
_________________________
Come to Jesus and Live
-Chris Rice

(Please be aware that this, to me, is a very moving song, and I often become rather emotional when I listen to it.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PANiveIKVX0


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#475702 - 01/21/15 11:28 AM Re: Hello All [Re: Serious Dave]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1834
Serious Dave

Thank you for sharing. You mentioned you were SA ed, which is a form of physical abuse. Many of us bury the abuse for decades, some realizing it was there all along, others with repressed memories. Despite how the memories are buried the impact of the abuse is with us until we are able to face it and accept it. You seem to have faced the abuse. You say you have made peace with the abusers but have you made peace with yourself?

Healing is a process, we all handle and respond differently. You words are calm and you seem to have found a wonderful and caring outlet in service work. First make sure you are helping yourself. Sharing your story helps all of us, we see ourselves in some aspect of your experience. We gain insight on a possible way to proceed. I hope we can help you.

Keep well and you have come to a great place to face your past.

Kevin

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#475704 - 01/21/15 11:53 AM Re: Hello All [Re: Serious Dave]
Bardo Offline


Registered: 09/24/14
Posts: 166
Dave,
My story is so similar to yours. My brother abused me starting when I was 11. He was the only male influence in my family, such as it was, and I took him at his word. Same result as you. Just dealing with it now, at age 54. I do have anger, still to be resolved, but I see the path, thanks to the great guys here. My marriage is intact, but somewhat distant. Working on that. Thank you for posting, your issues are as important here as anyone else's. Glad to hear that you are doing service, it is the greatest good to help others, as well as yourself. It is good for me to hear of other men with similar stories as mine. Keep posting!

Freeman

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#475709 - 01/21/15 12:33 PM Re: Hello All [Re: Serious Dave]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3931
Loc: O Kanada
from one 53 year old boy to another...

welcome to male survivors.

wishing you all the best.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#475717 - 01/21/15 02:08 PM Re: Hello All [Re: KMCINVA]
Serious Dave Offline


Registered: 01/18/15
Posts: 12
Loc: OH
Thanks for the reply Kevin. I get your point about physical abuse. Actually, I made peace with the feelings of ssa. I have not confronted or told anyone about sa incl. my brother. I will tell my psychologist, though. I probably won't confront - enough of my life has been wasted over this - don't want to spend the rest fighting with people. I did enough of that in my marriage. I'd rather spend time pursuing a good life. I nearly lost a fight with cancer 10 years ago, so my outlook on everything has changed. I'm ok. If the cancer didn't get me, the sa sure as hell won't.
_________________________
Come to Jesus and Live
-Chris Rice

(Please be aware that this, to me, is a very moving song, and I often become rather emotional when I listen to it.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PANiveIKVX0


Top
#475718 - 01/21/15 02:12 PM Re: Hello All [Re: Serious Dave]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3931
Loc: O Kanada
Originally Posted By: Serious Dave
I'd rather spend time pursuing a good life. I nearly lost a fight with cancer 10 years ago, so my outlook on everything has changed. I'm ok. If the cancer didn't get me, the sa sure as hell won't.


beautiful.
best thing i\ve heard all day smile
with an attitude like that, you're already in good shape.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#475726 - 01/21/15 04:14 PM Re: Hello All [Re: Serious Dave]
Nothing Man Online   content
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/10/14
Posts: 208
Loc: Ohio
SD, feel free to post here often. We find that talking about our experiences with others, whether here on MS or with a therapist, really helps to lessen the pain we feel. You are off to a good start already with a good attitude. I wish you well.

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#475729 - 01/21/15 05:04 PM Re: Hello All [Re: Serious Dave]
iaccus Offline


Registered: 12/05/14
Posts: 44
welcome
_________________________
My avatar is "Little Charles" treat him kindly please!

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#475731 - 01/21/15 07:49 PM Re: Hello All [Re: Serious Dave]
woodenshoes Offline


Registered: 06/04/14
Posts: 73
Loc: Cda
SeriousDave

Welcome your message gives us hope. I hope for you the road don't get slippery. Life has that way with us. It refreshing to see a positive attitude. Heal well brother a year younger.

Your among friends.

Woodenshoes

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#475933 - Today at 12:26 AM Re: Hello All [Re: Serious Dave]
DavoSwim Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/06/13
Posts: 347
Loc: Iowa, USA
Dave,

Since we share the same first name, and we're the same age, I wanted to say hello. One thing that stood out when I read your intro is that despite the injustices heaped upon you, you have a desire to be a help to others. That is quite admirable. It's a measure of your goodness. I wish you the best on your healing journey

Dave

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