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#47511 - 12/19/03 07:03 PM help
crisispoint Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts
Help. just help.

Read something on the member board. triggered me off. Boyfirend doesn't care anymore. not sure if he ever did. Have to teach a class in half hour. too much right now and i have to rant. Mood swings arent helping either.

I'm not wallowing in my victimhood, i'm surviving, trying to thrive. why do i goddamn feel like i'm wallowing? am i addicted to the feelings of being a victim?

Damn mood swings aren't helping. I may not be bipolar but sometimes lord I feel that way.

Just help. amazing how my mood's shifting. don't know how i'll able to do my job tonight.

help.

scot

_________________________
There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

fromacuriousmind.blogspot.com
malehurtandsurvive.blogspot.com

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#47512 - 12/19/03 07:06 PM Re: help
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
hold on scot
it's a feeling

sometimes we are transported back to bad memories

i know i am

bring yourself back to
now if you can

we are here-

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



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#47513 - 12/19/03 07:17 PM Re: help
crisispoint Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts
thanks mark. means a lot.

Have to ratchet it WAY doewn. my client just arrived. no time to freak again. gotta be cool.

mood swings hit me at the worst times. dammit.

scot

_________________________
There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

fromacuriousmind.blogspot.com
malehurtandsurvive.blogspot.com

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#47514 - 12/19/03 11:20 PM Re: help
theo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/28/03
Posts: 1117
scot,
i know this will find you well after the immediate cal for help regarding your meeting, but i hope it went well enough. there have been times when i was that way. i was just remembering once a long time ago when i totally flipped in the classroom. for an academic, that is baaad news \:\) . fortunately, it was with one who understood and i was able to salvage it, but that was the only time i ever flipped in that kind of situation. at the time i thought it was performance anxiety but in retrospect it was far, far more. when we have those debilitating moments it is so frustrating and embarrasing, even if we are able to pull it off cool as a cucumber, we know. the only thing we have going for us is the knowledge that we have been there before and survived. cold comfort, i know, bro. pm me if i can help, just letting you know i am here for you.

_________________________
journey well,
theo dewolfe

- It is gift, and gift will find its way
- I inherit through my choice. I build through my affirmation. It is through my freedom that I nurture, or fade into autonomy
- I was not given to serve life, but to embrace it

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#47515 - 12/20/03 09:48 AM Re: help
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
Scot,

NO, you are not wallowing in your victimhood! You are making incredible progress dealing with the very very wrong things done to you. Notice I say 'done to you'. They are not things that you made mistake of, they are not choices you made that turned out badly. They are things done, bad things, done to an innocent, unsuspecting and decent human being. You are dealing well with trying to understand the unexplainable. Don't take on shame or guilt or bad feeling sthat are not yours. I am proud of you, and I am very glad that you chose to come here for help, rahter then do something less positive.

Leosha

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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