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#47385 - 06/19/01 08:37 AM Contact
tuckermd Offline
Member

Registered: 03/17/01
Posts: 5
Loc: Fairbanks, Ak
Any suggestions on contacting or writing a letter to a former abuser to confront them about the abuse. I posted a message awhile back and an interesting response was why do I want to confront the abuser. Well simply put, I am sick of living in secret, and I want to stand up for myself. I am working with a counsler, and in group work to. I think it is time I move on to expressing myself.


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#47386 - 06/19/01 09:35 AM Re: Contact
fmighell Offline
Member

Registered: 02/19/01
Posts: 276
Loc: Anchorage,Alaska
Hello - tuckermd
I didn't tell knowone about my Dad and me.
It wasn't until 35 years later, and all he say's " I don't remeber "

When I called the police on George, the pool manger, because he was having sex with me and hurting me, and after he got arrested, he killed himself.

When I told my Dad about Klous hurting me from being sodomized and bleeding from it, he didn't do any thing.
So I called Klous wife over the phone and told her about Klous and I and if she didn't belive me she can find the pictures of me, in a place that Klous keeps, to see that I'm telling the truth, and she did and left him.
Later Klous was mad and he came over to my house and volently sodomized me, this time in my garage and my Dad just let's Klous do this to me, because I saw my Dad in the dinningroom window as Kluos takes me.

For me when I tell for a reason like it's the right thing to do but for me it backfires, I end up getting hurt but it's the right thing to do.

fmighell Anc Ak


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#47387 - 06/19/01 02:04 PM Re: Contact
SoCalJohn Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 05/18/01
Posts: 510
Loc: Los Angeles, California
Tucker,

I wrote several letters to my abuser telling him how it affected me, i never heard back from him after that. I had heard from his brother that he was some big monkey muck in AA and working real hard there and with his church and all this glowing stuff about how he had turned his life around and how he was a changed person, one of the things i asked him in my letter was telling him i did not understand how he could honestly work the steps of AA and never contact me to make any kind of ammends.

I later realised that i had to be writing for myself, just toget it off my chest, so i know i have told him what i think, i had to let go of wanting any kind of sensible response from him, cus it wasn't coming.

My wish for you is that you just dont set yourself up for a big dissapointment. My abuser never cared about me when he was doing me and he certainly does not care now.

I hope it goes well for you, i hope it helps bring some closure for you.

John

_________________________
I asked him about this law he spoke of, he said,,, *watch* he then asked the others to share about their lives,,, the others talked of how things were for them, how things worked in their lives,,, and as they believed, it was so.

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#47388 - 06/19/01 02:33 PM Re: Contact
Brian B14 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/04/01
Posts: 122
Loc: New York
Tucker,

You may have misunderstood the poster who asked you why you wanted to do this. I don't think he was dissuading you from confronting the person. I believe he was trying to get you to identify your goal. It is very important to have a clear goal in mind before you confront someone. So when the confrontation is over, you will be able to make a clear assessment as to wheter or not you achived what you set out to.

I just had a face to face confrontation with my abuser on Friday. It went unbelievably well. I had not seen him for 25 years. I had clear goals. It didn't matter what he said. I could achieve the goals that I set even if he didn't acknoledge that he ever knew me. By the way, he did admit to abusing over 100 kids before me. He admitted to abusing me and one other person after me. He apoligized to me. I told him that I forgive him. He thanked me for my forgiveness.

I would be happy to discuss your situation with you if you want to. I think I could assist you in setting reasonable, attainable goals.

It really feels great when its over.

Brian


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#47389 - 06/22/01 02:41 PM Re: Contact
Anonymous
Unregistered


I've long fantasized about a confrontation with my father. The things I'd say, his vehement denials. The rush of righteous anger as I slam my fist into his midsection. The wonderful adrenaline rush as I kick the life out of his frail body.

That's why I'm not confronting my father. I'm 26 and he's in his mid to late 50's. The temptation to end him, to pay him back for the hell he turned my life into, would be too great.

But that's me. If you feel that you have to confront, than confront.

Eventually, I'll have to confront my father. But I am not ready.

If you are, than I hope you get everything you need out of it.

(dan)


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