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#47380 - 06/28/03 11:25 PM secret lies of payback
fragile37 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 06/10/03
Posts: 7
Just this is beginning to haunt me and im not sure how to deal with it. I guess things are not too good at home and its fueled the need to want to come clean. This lie extends beyond just home but everyone in my life. It was to hurt those who hurt me. I don't know how I could ever explain what I have done but im not to safe right now to speak. If I could run with my buddy today and not look back would be my gift from God. Once again no hand to hold. Why can't I get what I want for once! I may jus crash and not sure I can take it.

#47381 - 06/28/03 11:49 PM Re: secret lies of payback
dwf Offline
Moderator/BoD Emeritus

Registered: 05/24/03
Posts: 1223
Loc: Austin, Texas USA
Dear Fragile,

Sounds like a pretty painful place you're in right now.

I'm not too sure what's going on with you specifically; but it sounds very much like the type of thing that is so common among survivors of abuse.

Difficulties in relatonships, problems with intimacy, feelings of hopelessness, sense of unworthiness--that's the way my years of sexual abuse and hiding the secrets affected me.

Maybe you can identify. I'm sorry for the pain that brought you here. But I'm really glad that you're here. Hang in there, buddy. You're not alone anymore. There is a solution, even though I know there's times when I don't know if that's really true or not.

That's when my brothers here on MS help carry me through til I can find my own hope again.

Hope you will let us carry you a while through this. No one deserves to go through this pain--and for sure no one should have to do it alone.

There's a lot of love and support for you here--no questions asked, no conditions or requirements.

You are OK just the way you are. Before you crash or give up in any way, please get in touch with some one like us--send me a PM; if you need to talk I'd be glad to be a listening ear.

Take good care, buddy. You've hurt enough for a lifetime--let us help you find a place where you have room to heal.

With lots of support,

Your fellow wolfpack buddy,

"Poke salad Annie, 'gators got you granny
Everybody said it was a shame
'Cause her mama was aworkin' on the chain-gang"

-Tony Joe White

#47382 - 06/29/03 12:02 AM Re: secret lies of payback
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Fragile I echo Danny's comments. We come from diverse backgrounds but are all here for the same reason. To hike towards living life. You will find no judgement here just concern and the kind of love a good brother has for another

I don't know how I could ever explain what I have done but im not to safe right now to speak.
Fragile are you in a safe PLACE right now. I hope so. Are you contemplating something that could hurt you as well as it relates to those who abused you. You can PM me too if you want to talk about it.

I may jus crash and not sure I can take it.
Fragile dont do that. Do as Danny says. Come here and listen, read and post with us. It is a rough hike to living but worth all the scrapes along the way.

Welcome to MaleSurvivor.



#47383 - 06/29/03 12:18 AM Re: secret lies of payback
outis Offline

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2260
Loc: Maryland USA

Please go easy on yourself. This is a safe place, and there are a lot of guys here to help.

We've talked about the words we use for what we have to do to get past the effects of sexual abuse. We've talked about being on a "journey" or a "long road" to healing. Well, if it's a road, it could sure stand some paving!

I don't know what's getting at you right now, but I do know that you are in a good place here. You can unload, you can find someone who will believe you, someone who cares. Heck, you've already found us.

If I could run with my buddy today and not look back would be my gift from God. Once again no hand to hold. Why can't I get what I want for once!
You know, I was pretty worried about something recently, and I heard just today from a good friend, "Remember, God is involved in this too." His point was that God can help, and will, if I'm not already set on what help I will accept. Maybe you don't get what you want because God knows of something better that you need.


"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

#47384 - 06/29/03 06:01 PM Re: secret lies of payback
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
You sound as though your nick' is just the right de>
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau


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