I was partnered to a man for 10 years that obviously had intimacy issues, but at the time neither of us knew what was causing them. So for the 10 years I accepted things as they were to the best of my ability. We ended up breaking up and for the past 4 years have been on again off again. Its complicated. This past year we both had a lot of growth via his therapy and his sexual abuse issues and other trauma issues coming to light.
I have read that male survivors of sexual abuse will of course have intimacy issues and that makes sense. That some of them will find it easier to be physically intimate with someone they've met online or picked up at a bar, because there is no hope of a relationship with this person, so it takes the pressure off. Again, that makes sense.
Since my on again and off again have shared the same residence for the past 14 years, I have unfortunately been privy to his dating life in between periods of us being back together. And the thing I have noticed is that with each and every person he's been with, its never been a one night stand for him. He meets them on a hook up site, and after one date they are in a committed relationship! He'll write love letters professing a deep love for them, after one meeting (which typically involves physical intimacy) or one online conversation. He'll go on about how wonderful they are, how intelligent, how good looking, how safe he feels with them, how they understand him and how he's never felt this way before and on and on. Which too me implies intimacy!?? Of course these relationships never last more than a few days, weeks or at most a couple of months.
He will go out of his way to be there for them emotionally and physically. Which has been painful for me to watch, as every time we are back together he is unable to do those things for me. Which has left me of course angry and confused at times (especially because when he is in need of something he comes too me).
Is this normal behavior for someone who has been sexually abused as a child? Have any other spouses or ex-spouses (he broke up with me again today but things could change tomorrow) gone through something similar as far as intimacy is concerned? It makes my head spin to be honest...
Edited by wollensak (12/13/14 10:06 PM)