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#473494 - 12/13/14 06:50 PM I don't fit in anywhere
InsideTheWall Offline

Registered: 01/10/09
Posts: 289
This post is probably going to be a little different than whats usually posted here. I'm not confused about my sexual orientation, I know that I'm straight. But identifying with any sort of sexual identity is new to me and something I need to address to keep things moving along. I've never had any sort of sexual encounter outside of my abuse, which makes it almost impossible to blend in with other people because this is such a central element of life that I cannot talk about at all without bringing up the abuse. I'm sure alot of people think I'm gay, and truth be told, that would be better than the actual situation. Alot of the people who've somewhat accepted my silence were somewhere along that spectrum, but the truth is, I don't belong with them and I want to be more comfortable among my own kind. This creates uncomfortable situations that I'm really tired of dealing with. I just want a normal fucking life and girlfriend.

#473520 - 12/14/14 05:16 AM Re: I don't fit in anywhere [Re: InsideTheWall]
Jude Offline

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1600
Loc: New England
Originally Posted By: InsideTheWall
I just want a normal fucking life and girlfriend.
Hey Inside,

I've learned to abandon my pursuit of a "normal" life. What does that really mean anyway? Instead, I am pursuing a life of growth, healing and service to others. And yeah, sometimes I feel lonely, depressed, angry. But sometimes I feel happy, peaceful, satisfied.

I think what you are saying is that you are not happy with your life as it currently stands. Have you thought about what kind of life would make you happy? Nothing wrong with wanting a girlfriend, but think about what you want in a woman, what you want in a relationship, a career, a spiritual life. Are you in counseling? If not, consider it.

This society is preoccupied with sex, and many of us are stuck with a distorted sexuality. We can't "fit in" with other guys, gay or straight. So why sweat it? I'll just be who I am, and try to do the next right thing every day.

Hey how about we call ourselves "infinitesexual"?

Seems I've got to have a change of scene
Every night I have the strangest dreams
Imprisoned by the way it could have been
Left here on my own or so it seems
I've got to leave before I start to scream
Joe Cocker

#473535 - 12/14/14 03:13 PM Re: I don't fit in anywhere [Re: InsideTheWall]
InsideTheWall Offline

Registered: 01/10/09
Posts: 289
Is there anyone else with a comment? With all respect Jude, you didn't really address anything but the last sentence of what I wrote. I really need some insight more specific to what I posted, but no one else seems to be answering. I find it extremely difficult to believe there's no one with relevant experience reading this. Please people, I need answers.

Edited by InsideTheWall (12/14/14 03:36 PM)

#473567 - 12/15/14 03:38 AM Re: I don't fit in anywhere [Re: InsideTheWall]
Bardo Offline

Registered: 09/24/14
Posts: 104
I honestly doubt you will find many specific answers here. What you will find is a group of men who will have had similar experiences as you and will support you in your journey of discovery. Some who have had more specific experiences like yours may reach out and offer their lessons, if they recognize a common background. In any case, take what is given freely and respect the huge resource that these guys offer you. Good luck and keep posting.


#473573 - 12/15/14 10:36 AM Re: I don't fit in anywhere [Re: InsideTheWall]
lostsoul824 Offline

Registered: 07/22/14
Posts: 6
Loc: Winnipeg manitoba Canada
Greetings, I have read these posts and I think what you are looking for is hard to find because, if your thoughts and life is spinning in and out of control we can all support your journey. But I am afraid the battle is won and lost dayly by yourself for you. It would be somedays safer to fight someone else's battle then our own. That is not to be! But we are all here to support your fight on to victory for the life you choose to have!! YOU ARE A WINNER!!!!!!!


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