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#47291 - 06/30/06 02:04 PM I'm not a survivor, I'm a victim.
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
My self-image is so thoroughly destroyed that it's impossible for me to try to improve myself lately.

I can't even put on a fake smile to tell a potential employer that "I am the best person for the job".

I can't even leave the house now to apply for work.

I don't know what to do anymore.

My T isn't helping. Maybe I should fire him.

I am very good at playing games, but this job hunting game, I'll never be good at this game.


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#47292 - 06/30/06 02:17 PM Re: I'm not a survivor, I'm a victim.
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Hauser,

I know this feeling only too well.
Take a step back, I dont know your financial situation, but ask your doc to keep you away from job hunting right now.

Its tough to be turned down over and over again, me too.
Getting out is the first step, do something to make you feel good.

I have worn a mask so long, it would be difficult for anyone to see through it.
I told that to my doc, and told her, not to judge on what she sees.

You need a break from job search, so go see your doc, and sack that T.

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#47293 - 06/30/06 02:24 PM Re: I'm not a survivor, I'm a victim.
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
So trying to improve yourself doesn't have to be a 24/7 battle, give yourself a break. Job hunting sucks for everyone whether you are good at playing games or not.
I wish you didn't feel so bad... I wish there was something I could say or do to make you feel better about shit.
Sorry...


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#47294 - 06/30/06 02:30 PM Re: I'm not a survivor, I'm a victim.
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
And you are not a victim...


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#47295 - 06/30/06 02:31 PM Re: I'm not a survivor, I'm a victim.
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Hi Hauser,

Sorry things are so sucky right now. If your T isn't helping you, then you certainly have the right to look for one that can. It's the reason you're going to therapy, to be helped.

If you can, try to take at least a short break from the job-hunting safari and recharge your batteries towards it. I know it can be so emotionally draining. But perhaps just a respite of a few days will help.

_________________________
Eddie

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#47296 - 06/30/06 02:56 PM Re: I'm not a survivor, I'm a victim.
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
But what can he possibly do? What can any T do with this problem?

It's not him, it's me. I have yet to talk to him about all this.

I've only just now figured out that I think it's my self-image that's keeping me from having any sort of confidence in myself.

But like I said, what the Hell can he do? Reassure me that "I'm ok" and that "I should be confident in my abilities"?

I don't know what to do with me or my feelings now. Nothing is working and I'm getting sick of all of this. I'm disgusted with everything.


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#47297 - 06/30/06 03:04 PM Re: I'm not a survivor, I'm a victim.
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
I hear you, Hauser. I do. My first T that I had I went to for about a 1/2 year, and it got to where it was nothing really more than a cheering session towards the end. I didn't need to be cheered on, I needed solutions. I needed him to help me analyze my issues and come up with a game plan to address it. Not just tell me "You're a good person."

When you say "It's not him, it's me." -- you are correct. The solution to this is going to be dependent upon you. None of us can expect anyone else to wave a magic wand and make us all better. That was kind of my expectation going in, but I at least expected some more extensive help in trying to understand how to fix things. But I know all this in the end has to begin with ourselves, and how we can repair ourselves.

I hate bad days like this, and I know sometimes those bad days string together into weeks and longer. I don't know that I have any concrete advice on how to change it all, but I can say that it is possible. I've changed, and I know you and others can as well. I still have some sucky days, but they aren't as frequent or as debilitating as they used to be. I hope you get some peace in this, Hauser.

_________________________
Eddie

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#47298 - 06/30/06 03:32 PM Re: I'm not a survivor, I'm a victim.
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
When you hit real low, it is difficult to cope.
You need to take some of the stress out of the situation, or you will get nowhere.
Taking baby steps is the best way.

Exercise is always beneficial, try and get some, and have a safe place where you can be alone, even if it is a short period.

When you have so many stress factors, it is difficult to see which one is worse, because of so many different feelings happening all at the same time.

You have to find a way of limiting stress, and no, you are not a failure, none of us are,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#47299 - 06/30/06 06:42 PM Re: I'm not a survivor, I'm a victim.
Dan88 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/07/02
Posts: 247
Loc: DC
Hauser,
I've been where you're at. Look at the progress you've already made in just understanding that self image is the issue. That right there is a big triumph. Good for you, man.

I would agree that little steps are the way to get out of this hole. The more I think about this type of situation, the more overhwelming it gets. But once I start taking action, things gradually shrink down in my mind until they're manageable.

I'm a big believer in lists. I just make a list of those things that make me think more highly of myself and start doing them. I don't think, I just do.

My list includes:
Get a haircut.
Wash all my laundry.
Get some exercise.
Call friends.
Go to a bookstore and look for an interesting book.
Clean my house and car.

All of these little things reenforce that I respect myself and that I deserve being treated well.

Take care,
Dan


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#47300 - 07/01/06 01:50 AM Re: I'm not a survivor, I'm a victim.
dan_in_newengland Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/01
Posts: 162
Loc: Mass
ok hauser, I undersand your down. In my last engagements in chat, I hoped to find a fire in you. I did not find any fire. I still know you will get a job, and I have faith in you.

Dan


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#47301 - 07/01/06 03:02 AM Re: I'm not a survivor, I'm a victim.
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
if you quit ,he wins ,even though he;s dead he wins.you beat him a long time ago remember? adam

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#47302 - 07/01/06 12:33 PM Re: I'm not a survivor, I'm a victim.
george of kent Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/05
Posts: 305
Loc: delaware
Easy, Baby!
You're on the right track!
---
Honestly, Hauser, you have traveled quite far on the path to wholeness and healing. I refuse to consider you as a "victim" at this point; you definitely fit into the "survivor" column in my book.
Try to be patient with yourself, and with the outside world. Most of what we see as "fucked up" in our lives actually has little or nothing to do with each of us personally. It's sometimes just the way the world is! Of course, our abuse history does not make things any easier for us, but not everything that becomes difficult is "our fault" nor can every bad thing in our lives be blamed on our perps.
Just felt I needed to add my 2 cents worth; hope it helps a little. Remember, You have much love and respect from all your brothers here.

_________________________
"We are only two and yet our howling can encircle the world's end.
Frightened, you are my only friend.
And frightened we are, every one.
Someone must take a stand -- Coward, take my coward's hand"
Arthur Laurents

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#47303 - 07/01/06 01:24 PM Re: I'm not a survivor, I'm a victim.
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
I look on life as mountains that have been climbed.
Some of those mountains have been pretty steep and almost impossible to climb.

Each time I get to the other side, I feel weak and burned out, so I recharge for the next one.
They have also made my legs strong, to face anything in my way.

I see that you like to cook, I do too, and I can cook almost anything.
I love it, and it is worth it, to just eat what I made.

You need the courage of the little boy to win the fight, and you promised him that,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

Top
#47304 - 07/01/06 02:28 PM Re: I'm not a survivor, I'm a victim.
lostcowboy Offline
Member

Registered: 11/10/04
Posts: 797
Loc: North Texas
Hi Hauser, you said you have a problem with self-image, while there are all sorts of books on how to fix that, the one I like best so far is Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz, M.D.,F.I.C.S.. For me that book just made a lot of sense.

Take care,
Clifford

_________________________
"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." - Albert Camus
Pretty much my life as I have posted so far. Triggers!

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#47305 - 07/03/06 03:12 AM Re: I'm not a survivor, I'm a victim.
John Oarc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/10/06
Posts: 633
Loc: Louisiana
Hauser,

John Grisham wrote a Time To Kill and it never made it out of his home town regarding sales. It took him three years to write it. He did not give up and he kept writing and later published another book The Firm and he broke into national sales and a movie deal.

A man had so many failed businesses the banks told him to quit trying. He did not quit and tried again, that man started Popeyes Chicken.

Don't give up

_________________________
Whatever It Takes, God


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#47306 - 07/03/06 04:41 PM Re: I'm not a survivor, I'm a victim.
DimitriX Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 05/20/06
Posts: 12
Hello,

First, let me start by saying that you can overcome this. You can get better. And, there are many people out there who can help you.

Second, I would recommend that you continue to see your therapist. It sounds like you haven't actually talked to her about what happened to you. The next time you go to see her tell her as much as you feel comfortable with. She can't help you if she doesn't know the full truth. And, after telling her, she still can't help you, then ask for a referral to another therapist that has experience with male sexual abuse. You need help, you deserve help, and there are people out there who can help you and want to.

Third, if your financial situation can stand it, then I would recommend taking exactly one week off from looking for another job. I hate looking for a job too, so I can totally sympathize with how draining it can be. But, you also don't want to sit around the house with nothing to do but stew in your own pain. So, take a planned week off. Make sure that each day is filled with activities that keep you busy. Don't even think about looking for a job. And then a week later, start up again.

Remember, thousands, if not millions, of people have gone through what you've gone through, felt what you're feeling. They've gotten through it and so can you.


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#47307 - 07/03/06 05:07 PM Re: I'm not a survivor, I'm a victim.
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
My T and I have had our discussions about this. I now, (with the help of a very good friend here), have figured out exactly why I have this self-image problem. I would elaborate on why I feel this way here and now but I'm not ready to share that yet, perhaps some day soon.

My employment status:

I've always been "employed". I've always had a job, but I've never had a living. All I've ever worked were low-wage service jobs, because that was all I could handle. Now that I'm trying to recover from SA, I've been saying to myself, "What the HELL am I doing being a short-order cook at 37?"

So, here I am trying to change careers in midlife and with only some formal job training and no on-the-job-experience, combined with a life of social isolation that has led me to not know any influential people that might be able to offer me a position in their company on the basis of simply knowing me and how pleasant I could be to work with. It's a bitch to convince someone that you have potential when you've never shown it your whole life.

I am not taking a break, I'm going to keep applying and dropping off resumes, I've waited too long to get my life on track already, I've got some catching up to do.


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#47308 - 07/04/06 01:33 PM Re: I'm not a survivor, I'm a victim.
abcdefghijklm Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 02/06/06
Posts: 21
Loc: UK
Hi Hauser.

Please do just ignore this if it isn't relevant to your situation.

I know about the sense of urgency you express about getting your life on track and catching up. I feel this myself. I'm nearly your age and I look back on my life and am aware that I haven't "got anywhere".

But I also think that in a sense there isn't anywhere to get in life. Life leads to death, just as much for those who've "got on", "got ahead", are "going places" as for people like me.

So then I think I don't want to waste the time remaining trying to match up or catch up. I want to know who I am, what I can do and what I want to do. I want to enjoy the bits of life I can enjoy. I don't want to try to live a life I can't.

I guess I'm sort of saying that I don't get a feeling from your posts about what it is you want, what kind of job you really want; just a feeling of your sense of urgency about getting on with life.

Maybe the kind of jobs you're applying for aren't right for you. They might've been right for the person you would've been, if things had been different.

You've survived, you're moving on. That doesn't mean you've got to try to get what you would've or should've had, applying for jobs from people who won't see where your coming from, getting rejected, letting these people hurt you.

Maybe you should think about where you'd really want to work, what kind of people you want to work with, what kind of people will see your value and respect you for it; and maybe you need to think about making a smaller step, but a step that's really right for you. That step can turn out to be a first step on the way to somewhere you hadn't imagined you might go.

As I say, do ignore this (and accept my apologies) if it's not relevant. I guess I'm really giving advice to myself, so it may be completely up the wrong tree.

Best wishes, Tom.


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#47309 - 07/10/06 09:18 AM Re: I'm not a survivor, I'm a victim.
lacansletter Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/04/05
Posts: 67
Loc: St.Petersburg, FL
Hauser,
This thread seems to have ranged far and wide but I would like to address the original post. In the beginning, I was seeing a T that honestly looked terrified to be dealing w/ this issue of CSA. It was way over his head/ A friend I met at SNAP convinced me to see his T, a woman. I was totally against it but agreed to 1 session. It was the best thing I could have done. She has helped me so much, don't think I could be where I am today without her.

Second, job searching does suck. Rated by a study I read right at the top along w/ getting married and moving. But I see that you are not going to take a break. good for you. Even though it can be hard on the self esteem issue, If you can make yourself push and get a job, this may end up being a great confidence builder that could help you take on the harder task of confronting your CSA. Good luck.

"Your perseverance is your indication of your faith in yourself." Brian Tracy

_________________________
"The only Zen you find on the mountain top is the Zen that you bring with you" Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert Pirsig

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#47310 - 07/10/06 09:18 AM Re: I'm not a survivor, I'm a victim.
lacansletter Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/04/05
Posts: 67
Loc: St.Petersburg, FL
Hauser,
This thread seems to have ranged far and wide but I would like to address the original post. In the beginning, I was seeing a T that honestly looked terrified to be dealing w/ this issue of CSA. It was way over his head/ A friend I met at SNAP convinced me to see his T, a woman. I was totally against it but agreed to 1 session. It was the best thing I could have done. She has helped me so much, don't think I could be where I am today without her.

Second, job searching does suck. Rated by a study I read right at the top along w/ getting married and moving. But I see that you are not going to take a break. good for you. Even though it can be hard on the self esteem issue, If you can make yourself push and get a job, this may end up being a great confidence builder that could help you take on the harder task of confronting your CSA. Good luck.

"Your perseverance is your indication of your faith in yourself." Brian Tracy

_________________________
"The only Zen you find on the mountain top is the Zen that you bring with you" Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert Pirsig

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#47311 - 07/11/06 12:15 AM Re: I'm not a survivor, I'm a victim.
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
Thank you for your thoughtful replies. Job hunting sucks even worse when your life-long piss-poor self image has led one to never do anything or accomplish anything noteworthy in his life. If I had only 2 damned years of experience in the IT field I would be getting dozens of calls by now, I'm sure of it.

I'm only sharing this to let you guys know that this is going to be one of my last big hurtles before I can say I'm going "downhill" instead of "uphill" in my recovery. My lack of career/education and the inherent drawbacks of that is the worst manifestation of my childhood abuse. The abuse itself? I could talk all day about that, no big deal. But, ask me about why I never finished college, or why I never found a suitable partner, or why I never met an influential person that would hire me into a decent company, well, that's a big trigger for me.


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#47312 - 07/11/06 02:07 AM Re: I'm not a survivor, I'm a victim.
Nobbynobs Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/26/05
Posts: 1286
Loc: Toronto
Hauser, have you ever read "What Color is Your Parachute?" It's a great book for job hunting...check it out.

_________________________
When you go up to the bell, ring it! Or don't go up to the bell.

- Mel Brooks

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#47313 - 07/11/06 02:38 AM Re: I'm not a survivor, I'm a victim.
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
Ahhh yes, by those 5'Clock Club people. Yes I remember reading one of their books called "Targeting the Job You Want". In that book, the author has the reader asking himself what he truly enjoyed doing as a child, that experience being the basis for finding what one would like to do for a living now that he's all grown up.

I remember getting to to middle of the book and throwing it away in frustration because it made me sick how that author just assumed that I found something meaningful and practical that I was doing in my childhood. All I did was play video games, that's all I still do.

I will order that book and let you know how it goes.


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#47314 - 07/11/06 03:55 AM Re: I'm not a survivor, I'm a victim.
Galapogos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/15/05
Posts: 110
Loc: usa
Hello Hauser,

Your posts could've been written by me. I don't know what advice to give. I too need to find the self-confidence to get back into the job search.

I started volunteering at a non-profit a year and a half ago- just to try to get out of my apartment. Having some structure, and being in a work environment, helped me out a lot. It also gave me something to say when people ask where I work or what I do. After awhile a part-time position opened up there and I took it. I'm still struggling to get by, and I still need to find a full time position, but I figure it's a start.

I had been reading a couple of books, "What Should I Do with My Life?" by Po Bronson, and "Your Own Worst Enemy-Breaking the Habit of Adult Under-Achievement" by Kenneth W. Christian, Ph.d.

Bronson's book profiles the indirect paths people have taken to find their careers. Kenneth Christian's book I started, but put it down I think because I wasn't ready for it. He explores the way we sabotage ourselves and how to change self-defeating behavior.

Hope that helps.

_________________________
Digging in the dirt
Stay with me I need support
I'm digging in the dirt
To find the places I got hurt
Open up the places I got hurt
--Peter Gabriel

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#47315 - 07/11/06 06:58 AM Re: I'm not a survivor, I'm a victim.
TexasCowboy Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 05/27/06
Posts: 22
Loc: Houston, TX
Hauser,
I'm not sure what's worse, self-pity or self-loathing, as both are equally as abusive. You are being as abusive toward yourself as your perp(s) was/were to you. Remember, argue for your limitations, and they're yours, because that's excatly what you'll get are your limitations.
Move forward one step at a time and each morning look into your mirror and tell yourself what a beautiful, gifted, loving, and good person you are; moreover, believe it!
Best regards and my love and thoughts are with you.
Tex

_________________________
The strongest hearts are sometimes broken,
As the deepest thoughts arent always soken,
and the greatest wounds we hide inside ourselves where they never show

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#47316 - 07/11/06 09:12 AM Re: I'm not a survivor, I'm a victim.
TexasCowboy Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 05/27/06
Posts: 22
Loc: Houston, TX
p.s.
Anyone who can write so profoundly about himself, and express his feelilngs so beautifully as you do is a truly gifted and talented person filled with many abilities just waiting to climb a latter of accomplishments. You should know what a beautiful person you are, because all of us here recognize that just from the way you so eloquently express your feelings. I agree with our friend who suggests looking into volunteering for a non-profit organization where youcan make a profound difference in other people's lives, which in turn will make a profound difference in your own. They're so many worthy organizations in need of the talentsand the skill you possess, such as HIV/AIDS awareness groups and foundations, who always need office staff, phone banks to answer questions and cousel others, buddies to work with persons living with HIV/AIDS, pet patrol, to tend to people's pets when they're too sick to do so, just to name a few. If you like animals, there's the dumb friends league in most towns and cities who need people to give love to those smallest of us who love us so unconditionally (dogs and cats) and are desperately alone, like many of us. Who knows, this may be a great venue to get out and gain your confidence, and it could lead to a permanent paid position too. Just think, doing something to help others as well as yourself and getting paid for doing what you enjoy.
Don't give up. You are loved.
Tex

_________________________
The strongest hearts are sometimes broken,
As the deepest thoughts arent always soken,
and the greatest wounds we hide inside ourselves where they never show

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#47317 - 07/12/06 07:53 AM Re: I'm not a survivor, I'm a victim.
Syntaxed Offline
Member

Registered: 07/12/06
Posts: 54
Loc: St Louis, MO
You know, I'm new, and this probably shouldn't be my first post, but I've agreed with this assessment in the past.

Everyone wants us to call ourselves "survivors" but what have we survived? We are still victims. I've been in a male support group before, and everyone was de-railed. That's the analogy I've used with my wife. When the abuse happened, I was derailed and I've been running through life with my wheels off the track tearing up everything in the vicinity of the tracks. I need a "breakdown train" to get me back on the track but that never seems to happen.

I'm 39 years old and I just started having flashbacks (a psych diagnosed me with PTSD years ago, but I thought she was over-diagnosing). These flashbacks are scaring the shit out of me and I am re-living the abuse in every way possible.

What, exactly, have we survived? Yes we are alive, but...

I am against the death penalty in principle, but when the discussion turns to sexual predators I'm tempted, because what they do is so much worse than murder.

Anyway, sorry for the rambling post.

_________________________
At present: 1 step forward, 3 steps back.

http://sleepeatrepeat.blogspot.com

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#47318 - 07/12/06 02:55 PM Re: I'm not a survivor, I'm a victim.
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
Hey Syntaxed, I would first like to say thank you for your first reply and I would also like to say that you bring up a very controversial point, (death penalty for perps). I want you to know that you're not alone, although I have not given it much thought myself. DR. LAURA SCHLESSINGER, the popular conservative talk radio psychologist is an advocate of the death penalty for child molestors. She admits that's she's in a minority, but you're not alone Syntaxed. I wonder if my perp would have kept his damned hands off me if he knew that he might get the electric chair for what he was about to do!

Oh and you're NOT rambling, if you need to talk, I and others are here to listen and help if we can, ok?


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#47319 - 07/12/06 03:19 PM Re: I'm not a survivor, I'm a victim.
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
a victim can only relive the abuse and sit in self pity going nowhere ,doing nothing using the abuse as an excuse not to live ,a survivor admits the abuse happend and feels all the same things ,but he looks for help ,and ways to use the abuse to help change the way he thinks and reacts to life ,just the fact that we are here getting and giving help says we are survivors not victims ,being a victim is easy being a survivor is not,a victim spends his time saying oh god look what happened to me ,a survivor spends his time trying to use what happened to make him a better person ,sometimes its so hard to even see that what happened made us different ,yes ,but in lots of ways better,it also makes it hard to see things that we do as good ,syn when you posted this relpy did you think it would help somebody else ?well it did every time you post here someone can say hey thats how i feel too so even if you think your post is just rambling it has helped somebody .one thing thats hard for survivors to do is take credit for the good they do ,hauser you think youve wasted all these years ,and have not acomplished anything ,but 8 months ago there was a 21 year old guy who had already been to the bridge and looked down into what he saw as his only way to escape the pain ,it wasnt like he was afraid to die ,as he stood there and looked down all he thought about was if it would hurt a lot ,would the fall kill him or would he drown ,then i found this site and i saw guys like you syn ,and hauser and i thought yeah i'll hang out here till i get the guts to do it ,8 months later i am living again ,i am finding good things in my life ,i have friends who love me ,i have a life again ,hauser is it not a great acomplishment that your kindness and concern kept me from ever going back to that bridge ,who would have thought that all the bad that happened to you would be the very thing that saved my life ,its like we just dont know how what happened to us can be used for good things ,a victim stands on the bridge saying its too hard ,i cant go on ,its not getting better its getting worse,a survivor walks off the bridge and says i cant go on alone but if someone, anyone can stand by me maybe i can go on ,for me that person was hauser ,and someday syn you could be that person for someone who is where you are now,what did we survive? horrors that people cant imagine ,but we did survive and it can get better ,thank you hauser for giving me the chance to be a survivor ,not a victim. adam

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#47320 - 07/13/06 11:53 AM Re: I'm not a survivor, I'm a victim.
surfdude Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/07/06
Posts: 95
Loc: Hawaii
Thanks Shadowkid for the great post. I'm new here and have been reading a lot on this site and shedding a lot of tears. Your post brought out a lot of tears. It spoke to me of things I needed to hear for so long but have never heard before. Thank you so much.


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#47321 - 07/13/06 12:37 PM Re: I'm not a survivor, I'm a victim.
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
yeah hauser agreed

my life is over

not much to live for but just survive

don't trust any good feeling to well

or any person

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



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#47322 - 07/13/06 12:38 PM Re: I'm not a survivor, I'm a victim.
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
they still think i am not who i am supposed to be

and so now it's weird i feel death washing over me

that's what he wants

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



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