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#47291 - 06/30/06 02:04 PM I'm not a survivor, I'm a victim.
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
My self-image is so thoroughly destroyed that it's impossible for me to try to improve myself lately.

I can't even put on a fake smile to tell a potential employer that "I am the best person for the job".

I can't even leave the house now to apply for work.

I don't know what to do anymore.

My T isn't helping. Maybe I should fire him.

I am very good at playing games, but this job hunting game, I'll never be good at this game.


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#47292 - 06/30/06 02:17 PM Re: I'm not a survivor, I'm a victim.
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Hauser,

I know this feeling only too well.
Take a step back, I dont know your financial situation, but ask your doc to keep you away from job hunting right now.

Its tough to be turned down over and over again, me too.
Getting out is the first step, do something to make you feel good.

I have worn a mask so long, it would be difficult for anyone to see through it.
I told that to my doc, and told her, not to judge on what she sees.

You need a break from job search, so go see your doc, and sack that T.

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#47293 - 06/30/06 02:24 PM Re: I'm not a survivor, I'm a victim.
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
So trying to improve yourself doesn't have to be a 24/7 battle, give yourself a break. Job hunting sucks for everyone whether you are good at playing games or not.
I wish you didn't feel so bad... I wish there was something I could say or do to make you feel better about shit.
Sorry...


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#47294 - 06/30/06 02:30 PM Re: I'm not a survivor, I'm a victim.
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
And you are not a victim...


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#47295 - 06/30/06 02:31 PM Re: I'm not a survivor, I'm a victim.
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Hi Hauser,

Sorry things are so sucky right now. If your T isn't helping you, then you certainly have the right to look for one that can. It's the reason you're going to therapy, to be helped.

If you can, try to take at least a short break from the job-hunting safari and recharge your batteries towards it. I know it can be so emotionally draining. But perhaps just a respite of a few days will help.

_________________________
Eddie

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#47296 - 06/30/06 02:56 PM Re: I'm not a survivor, I'm a victim.
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
But what can he possibly do? What can any T do with this problem?

It's not him, it's me. I have yet to talk to him about all this.

I've only just now figured out that I think it's my self-image that's keeping me from having any sort of confidence in myself.

But like I said, what the Hell can he do? Reassure me that "I'm ok" and that "I should be confident in my abilities"?

I don't know what to do with me or my feelings now. Nothing is working and I'm getting sick of all of this. I'm disgusted with everything.


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#47297 - 06/30/06 03:04 PM Re: I'm not a survivor, I'm a victim.
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
I hear you, Hauser. I do. My first T that I had I went to for about a 1/2 year, and it got to where it was nothing really more than a cheering session towards the end. I didn't need to be cheered on, I needed solutions. I needed him to help me analyze my issues and come up with a game plan to address it. Not just tell me "You're a good person."

When you say "It's not him, it's me." -- you are correct. The solution to this is going to be dependent upon you. None of us can expect anyone else to wave a magic wand and make us all better. That was kind of my expectation going in, but I at least expected some more extensive help in trying to understand how to fix things. But I know all this in the end has to begin with ourselves, and how we can repair ourselves.

I hate bad days like this, and I know sometimes those bad days string together into weeks and longer. I don't know that I have any concrete advice on how to change it all, but I can say that it is possible. I've changed, and I know you and others can as well. I still have some sucky days, but they aren't as frequent or as debilitating as they used to be. I hope you get some peace in this, Hauser.

_________________________
Eddie

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#47298 - 06/30/06 03:32 PM Re: I'm not a survivor, I'm a victim.
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
When you hit real low, it is difficult to cope.
You need to take some of the stress out of the situation, or you will get nowhere.
Taking baby steps is the best way.

Exercise is always beneficial, try and get some, and have a safe place where you can be alone, even if it is a short period.

When you have so many stress factors, it is difficult to see which one is worse, because of so many different feelings happening all at the same time.

You have to find a way of limiting stress, and no, you are not a failure, none of us are,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#47299 - 06/30/06 06:42 PM Re: I'm not a survivor, I'm a victim.
Dan88 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/07/02
Posts: 247
Loc: DC
Hauser,
I've been where you're at. Look at the progress you've already made in just understanding that self image is the issue. That right there is a big triumph. Good for you, man.

I would agree that little steps are the way to get out of this hole. The more I think about this type of situation, the more overhwelming it gets. But once I start taking action, things gradually shrink down in my mind until they're manageable.

I'm a big believer in lists. I just make a list of those things that make me think more highly of myself and start doing them. I don't think, I just do.

My list includes:
Get a haircut.
Wash all my laundry.
Get some exercise.
Call friends.
Go to a bookstore and look for an interesting book.
Clean my house and car.

All of these little things reenforce that I respect myself and that I deserve being treated well.

Take care,
Dan


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#47300 - 07/01/06 01:50 AM Re: I'm not a survivor, I'm a victim.
dan_in_newengland Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/01
Posts: 161
Loc: Mass
ok hauser, I undersand your down. In my last engagements in chat, I hoped to find a fire in you. I did not find any fire. I still know you will get a job, and I have faith in you.

Dan


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