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#47264 - 02/24/03 11:13 AM Re: I need advice about discloser...
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Quote:
I long for an intimate relationship. I truely do. I think if I had that I would not feel the need to tell my parents anything. Right now I find myself in a very isolated environment where I must obey these age old rules of my family. And it's terribly frustrating and painful. I really want a release from that. I want to grow and most importantly I don't want bottled up my emotions anymore. That's why I feel the need to disclose something to them.
SleepyMike,

No doubt a big part of the reason I don't feel the need to disclose more to my mother is becuz of my relationship with my wife, which is the most intimate relationship I've ever had. It has a lot to do with having disclosed to her, and also to others like my daughters, my T & pdoc, and a few small live support groups, as well as online, particularly here at MS.

If you want read my response in this thread, dated earlier today, to MikeChurch, related to how & how much I've disclosed, the progressive steps I've taken. All of our situations & relationships are different, but perhaps you can learn a little something from my brief experiences, even if it's how you don't want to do it.

Also, my post "Release" dated yesterday in the Religion forum might help.

Quote:
I find the silence is becoming an anchor to my recovery.
Anchors away! Cut loose the anchor, fellow sailor on the seas of survival! Set your own course for your own recovery, release that damned anchor, and "Come Sail Away!"


I'm sailing away, set an open course for the virgin sea
I've got to be free, free to face the life that's ahead of me
On board, I'm the captain, so climb aboard
We'll search for tomorrow on every shore
And I'll try, oh Lord, I'll try to carry on

I look to the sea, reflections in the waves spark my memory
Some happy, some sad
I think of childhood friends and the dreams we had
We live happily forever, so the story goes
But somehow we missed out on that pot of gold
But we'll try best that we can to carry on

A gathering of angels appeared above my head
They sang to me this song of hope, and this is what they said
They said come sail away, come sail away
Come sail away with me lads
Come sail away, come sail away
Come sail awaywith me,come sail away
come sail away with me baby.
come sail away come sail away with me

I thought that they were angels, but to my surprise
They climbed aboard their starship and headed for the skies
Singing come sail away, come sail away
Come sail away with me lads
Come sail away, come sail away
Come sail away with me (X's 5)

Come Sail Away by Styx
[img]http://www.click-smilie.de/sammlung/alles_moegliche/allesmoegliche014[/img]
Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#47265 - 02/24/03 11:18 AM Re: I need advice about discloser...
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
WUAMEI:
I hear you brother. There is a time and a place for everything but the single mpost important thing to keep front and centre in our sites is OURSELVES, including the little us, and without exception those that we hold near and dear to us. It is the love a support from those around us that we cherish that is a godsend to our split selves. Without them the effort of melding the two of us would be much more difficut.
Personally I look on YOU GUYS here as an extended family, and, therefore by extension all of you count as brothers who are near and dear to me.
Every time I learn that one of us is having trouble it hurte me terribly that I cannot just put my arm around his shoulder and hold him tight till we reach the other side of the pothole. I also want to rage at all the shit around us. I wish I could share my tears of happiness when we take that small small step that is in fact a huge move forward. Right now I am crying ( I guess my bladder is to close to my eyes). Wuamei I admire you and the strength you exude. Everybode reaches a state where catharsis is needed. Tank care my brother.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#47266 - 02/24/03 01:51 PM Re: I need advice about discloser...
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Thanks MikeChurch. Your support & encouragement for all of us here in this brotherhood is greatly appreciated. What we have here is surely for many of us including me much more family than we ever had in our biological families. In this family we can rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep. We can help each other to find our own way and reach our own places in recovery.

TC & TTYL Brother.

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#47267 - 02/24/03 11:56 PM Re: I need advice about discloser...
Sleepy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/08/02
Posts: 288
Loc: Arizona, USA
Mike,
Quote:
...it absolutely was like exorcizing a boil for me. I finally realized that if I did not face the demons etc. I would never stay on the road to freedom.
That's exactly how I feel. The road to freedom and exorcizing a boil...I like it! Although facing the demons gives me ulcers.

Vic,
I like how you slid in the Styx reverence. I like it. I also checked out your post and I found it interesting. Thanks for the referral. Thanks guys,
Mike

_________________________
"It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end."
--Ursula K. Le Guin

"Mental health is a commitment to reality at all times."
--M. Scott Peck

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#47268 - 02/25/03 11:08 AM Re: I need advice about discloser...
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Sleepy: This is a happy post and I hope informative for you.
1. Ulcers are caused by bacteria. Stress I guess can make these little bacteria more active. and Now my brother dont let confronting the demons do that to you. Your strength shows through in your posts. The hard part that I think we all have is not recognizing that we have the strength within us to do anything. I think I said in a previous post that alone it is difficult to accomplish anything but together as brothers (just knowing that everyone here is behind us every step of the way) there is nothing we cannot do. I always try to keep in front of me that what we do in the here and now will reap rewards for those of our brotherhood are still experiencing the pain and suffering of the abuse they are currently experiencing. Not that is a crock of shit isnt it. It seems that there is a never ending flow of fresh meat and innocent faces for abusers. What we do here and now, I think, will build a support mechanism for those that follow. God this was supposed to be a happy post. Really sleey if you do have stomach problems (and not figuratively) you can get ZANTAC as an over the counter medication. I am proud to call you BROTHER. Next time you face a demon remember you are not alone; you have an army right behind you that will help you CRUSH THEM

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#47269 - 02/26/03 12:27 AM Re: I need advice about discloser...
Sleepy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/08/02
Posts: 288
Loc: Arizona, USA
Mike,
I was using the ulcer reference as a figure of speech. However, I have always suffered from high levels of anxiety. It's only recently that I've thought about seeing someone about this.

You're right in that together we can do anything. I am very thankful to have this community behind me. I just hope that sometime soon I can acknowledge to my parents that I have a problem. That I'm not necessarily the good kid; the kid that was everything but my deranged sister. I don't want to carry the burden of being the the perfect son or kid who never rocked the boat or the kid who never had a problem. I need that release. I don't want to carry the burden of not being my sister anymore.

Thanks Mike Church for letting me vent like that.

Mike
p.s. Rest in peace SeaOtter.

_________________________
"It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end."
--Ursula K. Le Guin

"Mental health is a commitment to reality at all times."
--M. Scott Peck

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#47270 - 02/26/03 03:30 PM Re: I need advice about discloser...
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Sleepy. I hear your brother. You will know when that day comes believe me and it will feel like the right thing to do. Just remember you will not be alone in this. You have an army of brothers behind you and the example of some of them to hold your hand. I particular I would say Gunnar is with you and us always now. I thought that he just carried the problems that we all carry. I did not know that he was fighting a private batttle he could not win. Ye to the very end he was supportive of all. I now know the face of true HUMANITY and it's name is Gunnar. Just remember that sleepy as you move forward towards freedom he is holding your hand each step of the way.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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