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#47245 - 05/17/05 11:03 PM Don't understand
demonboi Offline
Member

Registered: 05/14/05
Posts: 228
Loc: East Coast


_________________________
Every corner, every city
There's a place where life's a little easy
Little Hennessy, laid back and cool
Every hour, cause it's all good
Leave all the stress from the world outside
Every wrong done will be alright
Nothin but peace, love
And street passion, every ghetto needs a thug mansion

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#47246 - 05/18/05 12:18 AM Re: Don't understand
ForeverFighting Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/09/05
Posts: 1058
Loc: New Mexico, USA
I agree, db. My granddad never yelled at me once, but I respected him way more than the people in my life who did yell. I've always remembered that. So when I need to get someone's attention who's not listening, I talk really quiet. Then they look at me.

I used to hate when my dad would lose his temper. I'd watch for the change in his face and then hide.

There's a big difference between being assertive and yelling. Being assertive is writing here that you don't like yelling and grown ups losing their tempers. I want to be a grown up who can be assertive and never lose my temper.

_________________________
ForeverFighting

"This search for the truth--it's not for the faint of heart."--Goren on 'Law & Order: CI'
"The former things will not be called to mind, neither will they come up into the heart."--Isaiah 65:17

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#47247 - 05/18/05 03:34 AM Re: Don't understand
demonboi Offline
Member

Registered: 05/14/05
Posts: 228
Loc: East Coast


_________________________
Every corner, every city
There's a place where life's a little easy
Little Hennessy, laid back and cool
Every hour, cause it's all good
Leave all the stress from the world outside
Every wrong done will be alright
Nothin but peace, love
And street passion, every ghetto needs a thug mansion

Top
#47248 - 05/18/05 05:17 AM Re: Don't understand
TJ jeff Offline

Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3354
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
Hi db,

Your post sounds a lot like me when I was your age - I was afraid to show emmotions - anger was something that terrified me (I was always worried that if I ever let my anger out that I'd just loose it and go crazy and they'd have to lock me up in a mental institution)

I remember back to when I was growing up - I had a mother with a terrible anger management problem - she would just snap at me for any little insignificant thing - she was also a control freak who had to control my every last move - I was never allowed to express myself emmotionaly when I was younger - I learned at an early age to lcok all of my emmotions inside - many people looked at me all through school as being the 'Charlie Brown' type of guy - they had no idea of the emmotional storm that was rageing inside of me - I was too afraid of my emmotions to let them out...

You need to let those emmotions out of you db! - bottling them up for 30 years sent me to the hospital... I don't want to see you follow a simmilar path to mine - you need to find an outlet for your emmotions - there are many safe ways to let your emmotional energy out - Do you like sports? (they can be a great outlet for letting out anger and frustration energy) - Are you the creative type? (drawing can also be a great way of releasing emmotions onto paper) - others find emmotional release through music (I do) - still yet others find it through getting in touch with nature and the great outdoors - there are many, many ways to let your emmotions out safely -

You are very right - nothing good ever comes from yelling at other people (although a good long yell when alone (I sometimes do when I'm all alone out in the woods) can help to let out built up emmotions - which is a perfectly healthy thing to do - 'everyone' needs to let their emmotions out)

learning to let out my emmotions has not been an easy thing to do - but it is something that we all need to do - I'll do my very best to help you find a safe way to release your emmotions if you wish to PM me and we can talk about this further...

TJ jeff

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

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#47249 - 05/18/05 06:36 PM Re: Don't understand
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 10948
Loc: Denver, CO
DB,

part of my problems come from my mom being such an intimidator and yeller. I just couldn't take getting yelled at when I was a kid. Sorry you have to even deal with people like that.

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#47250 - 05/19/05 04:22 PM Re: Don't understand
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Demonboi,

Grownups usually yell and shout when they are frustrated. It is a way of blowing off steam, and often when they yell they are not yelling at the source of the problem - it is just that they can't take it anymore and have to "let it all out" right then and there.

You don't say how old you are, but you are right to think this is the wrong way to go about things. When you react badly to yelling and want to hide, it is not because there is anything wrong with you. It is not an issue of whether you are assertive enough. The truth of the matter is that yelling is abusive in itself, and in a lot of cases it gives the message that worse is to come. To the person being yelled at it conveys the message that he doesn't matter and that everything is his fault. Grownups need to remember that when they yell they are rarely saying what they really mean, and certainly they are not expressing themselves in a constructive way.

You don't say what the yelling is all about or what the context is, so it is difficult to say a lot more. No one is perfect, that's for sure, and everyone will "lose it" from time to time. But yelling can be a serious problem, and that appears to be what you are talking about.

Crossing the line: You do have to be careful about this, especially at school. A school has to be run according to rules and everyone has to follow them: teachers and students. A teacher who knows what he or she is doing may notice that something is wrong and may ask you if you want to talk. If you feel you can do that it might be a good opportunity. But a teacher can't allow any of the students to disrupt the class or endanger the safety of himself or others.

On the other hand, a teacher doesn't have the right to yell at you or humiliate you. Dealing with frustrations is part of a teacher's job. If you feel you are being victimized at school like this, you should tell someone.

This is part of the problem in talking to teens, DB. I know it is one thing for a grownup to say "tell someone", and absolutely another thing for a kid actually to do it. But it really is a lot easier for someone to help when the picture is in a bit clearer focus.

If you don't want to say more here, one thing you can do is talk to your mod-buddy, who is probably a guy here who spends his life working with teens exactly like yourself. You can trust him and he will be able to help you.

Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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