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#47188 - 05/17/05 05:24 PM my life (triggers)
Brandon Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 05/17/05
Posts: 10
Loc: Florida
at the moment Im sittin here cuz. Im to hurt to do anything after what my uncle did to me about a week ago, and im trying to stay off drugs so Im sober also.
its really hard for me cuz I cry all the time, and somtimes I cry for no reason it seems. it feels like Im going crazy.

im mad at myself for letting him hurt me for so long. and not doing somthing about earlier. he is gone now though cuz the last time it happened a freind of mine pushed me to call the cops.

i was hurt real bad to. he left plenty of evidence to put him away, and I should be happy. i dont know why im not. im afraid to even go outside lately.

i still get nightmares all the time. just today. when i tried to sleep. i almost dozed off then i heard him yell so fucking loud, and I know he aint here. it scared the hell outa me. im goin on maybe 3 hours of sleep a day. \:\(

anyway just wanted to get that out, and vent. if you read it then thank you

_________________________
LifeOfPain

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#47189 - 05/17/05 07:48 PM Re: my life (triggers)
Little_E Offline
Member & Volunteer
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 11/14/02
Posts: 169
Loc: London UK
Hi Brandon.

Insomnia, I think most people here suffer from that. Its ok, there is nothing wrong, I've been an Insomnic for years now. I can go nearly 3days now with NO sleep at all. But I recently I have been able to sleep for longer, and more regualy. But the Nightmare are still there, the voices in the dark, in my head. It'll take time, a long time!

Dont feel bad about not being able to tell befor last week. Your stonger than most, You should feel proud that you where able to.

Your not going crazzy, your just starting to heal, come to teams with everything that has gone off, and find ways to deal.

Stay Stong, your doing great!! And vent as much as you like, its good to get things out, even if it is on paper!! \:\)

Elliot -

_________________________
If your not livin on the edge your taking up to much space!

DISTUBED VISIONS OF AN UNDERWORLD!!

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#47190 - 05/18/05 04:36 PM Re: my life (triggers)
ForeverFighting Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/09/05
Posts: 1058
Loc: New Mexico, USA
Brandon, I'm so glad you're here. My uncle was the one who SA me, too. He never went to jail.

I'm so sorry for what you and all the men here have been through. There is no excuse for hurting a child--ever. We are good men who've had horrible things done to us. Abuse is just like any other terrible thing. It sticks with us. Like those guys in the military that come back and jump under tables every time they hear a loud noise. We jump when it doesn't make sense and we cry. But we're not crying for "no reason". It's a normal reaction to events that were far from normal. They stole something from us that we can't ever get back. And for that I cry. And I hate my uncle very much for doing that to me. I hate yours for hurting you, too.

You're going to be OK, Brandon. We're here for you. We're here to listen. Write how you feel as much as you are comfortable doing. You'll find the guys here understand a lot. Abuse was done to us all. That's why we're here.

Take care, Brandon. The crying goes away only if you let it out.

_________________________
ForeverFighting

"This search for the truth--it's not for the faint of heart."--Goren on 'Law & Order: CI'
"The former things will not be called to mind, neither will they come up into the heart."--Isaiah 65:17

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