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#471673 - Yesterday at 06:20 PM member
jmr2191 Offline

Registered: 10/24/14
Posts: 2
Loc: New York

Hi Everyone,
I'm kinda new to this and haven't really talked about it, so I hope this makes sense and isn't too detailed. If it is, my sincerest apologies in advance. In February 2013, I started dating this girl back when I was in college. I was 22. For the first month, it seemed nice. Then things seemed to take a wrong turn.

I have narcolepsy, a severe sleep disorder that can make even the simplest of tasks difficult at times and she knew I suffered from it. I thought my girlfriend at the time understood this. But one night, I woke up and my pants were off, which wasn't the case before I went to sleep. The lights were dim, but I saw all to clearly that my girlfriend was on top of me. She had started this when I was asleep and I was too exhausted to put up any resistance, so I just laid there. She took advantage of me to satisfy her needs. I hated it and it continued for 12 more months before I finally got the guts to leave.

I thought everything was my fault. She also ended up distancing me from my family and made me have sex even when I was awake. I repeatedly said I didn't want it, but that never worked. I faked finishing most of the time just so it could be over with and I never regained my sex drive. Life hasn't been the same. My family was never able to understand and I can't confide in anyone else. It wasn't until much later that I realized what had happened to me really wasn't right. I still have nightmares sometimes and I have no idea what to do, so I'm just letting it all out on here. Has anyone else been taken advantage of, because of a disability that helped make them vulnerable? I don't know if I'm the only one?
If I am a victim who is also a survivor, I am not weak- I am resilient.

#471680 - Yesterday at 10:12 PM Re: member [Re: jmr2191]
une.vie.d.espoir Offline

Registered: 12/06/10
Posts: 108
Loc: Quebec-Canada
what i understand is yu ere knot comprtable and in all your will and frre to be intamate whit her.

You are amoung friends,


#471684 - Yesterday at 10:52 PM Re: member [Re: jmr2191]
Jude Offline

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1567
Loc: New England
Welcome jmr,

Not sure what the fellow above meant, but be assured that there is no judgement here. I'm sure many guys would say "What? You've got a girl who wants it all the time, and you're complaining?" But we know better.

NO ONE, male or female, young or old, gay or straight, should ever, EVER have to accept sex being forced on them, either through physical force or emotional manpulation.

Congratulations on standing up for yourself.

Be well,

Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine.
Sheryl Crow

#471693 - Yesterday at 11:51 PM Re: member [Re: jmr2191]
jmr2191 Offline

Registered: 10/24/14
Posts: 2
Loc: New York
Thanks Jude and Une.Vie.D.Espoir. Your kind words really mean a lot.

Jude, you're right on the money. Guys around me frowned upon those who didn't love to brag about sexual escapades and I had to try to avoid those conversations without being scrutinized. When I finally decided to try dating again, my lack of immediate, obvious sexual advances made it seem like I wasn't interested. It took me months after I'd finally gotten rid of her in my life to actually see what happened to me for what it was, but there wasn't much I could do about it. Going public with it could've ruined me professionally and the law isn't exactly equipped to deal with this kind of thing.

She harassed me and my friends for six months after I cut off all contact with her. It was bad enough that I became concerned she might make a false accusation of rape to make me come back into her life. It's difficult enough to deal with narcolepsy- even date or function day-to-day. But it was used by another to...I still have difficulty even saying the word. It just doesn't feel right rolling off my tongue. I don't know. I guess I never processed it.

How do you truly accept and come to terms with what happened when you can't even work through it with your family (not because they don't love me, but because it's a foreign concept to them that I couldn't portray in an easily understandable way)? How do you forgive?

The name's Jay, by the way.
If I am a victim who is also a survivor, I am not weak- I am resilient.


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