I started by asking the question....i suppose its for anyone, but..please advise if able.
I have been nearly one and a half years sober from alcohol(3 year binge), compulsive use of masturbation/pornography to numb, sex with anyone or anything, avoidance of fantasy, all numbing agents have ceased for this period of time. i have not used any form of sleep aid....but the anxiety still hangs on...don't know if it is from the fact that my wife is still not processing any of the harm i have done....i am living the amends now regarding my acting out,,,realizing the emotions must surface....but how dog on long does it take for a spouse to give ina little???? its not like i get badgered every day...its just theres no smile, no encouragement and not much communication or willingness to do much of anything that i think i need from her. i am emplyed full time, she is a stay home mom...i go to celebrate recovery meetings, have a couple of sponsees, read, pray, meditate, also attend saa meetings. she is a Christian woman. yes i have taken her thru the mud before(never physically assaulted her, never flaunted my acting out) , but not like this last time....I just want a little sign that there is some hope of restoration, yet there is s little now....perhaps i am in a holding pattern to let things soak in....the damage i've done to the marriage, but IT WAS NOT ME who hurt her....it was a diseased me...but the real me never ever intended to go down that road. i understand it hurt her, but how on earth can she ever come to understand that it was not what i wanted to DO TO HER TO HURT HER....i was harming myself.?? living alone in my bedroom without what i had in the early years of marriage(30 years, 4 children) is difficult....to absorb the loss i created....its tough. I have accepted myself, made corrections where i can, forgiven myself, take on the fact that i did wrong; prayed, repented, bringing every though captive, etc.Prayers would be great. similar experience advice would be invaluable. thanks for listening.