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#470458 - 09/25/14 04:58 PM Fun with puns
Nothing Man Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/10/14
Posts: 656
Loc: Ohio
Pun - ography
· I tried to catch some fog. I mist.

· When chemists die, they barium.

· Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

· A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

· I know a guy who is addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

· How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

· I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

· This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

· I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.

· I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

· They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type-O.

· PMS jokes aren't funny, period.

· I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

· A cross-eyed teacher lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils.

· When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

· What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.

· I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!

· Broken pencils are pointless.

· What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

· England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

· I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

· I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

· All the toilets in London police stations have been stolen. Police say they have nothing to go on.

· I took the job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

· Velcro - what a rip off!

· Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.


DEODORANT FOR SENIORS
I got a new stick deodorant today.
The instructions said: “Remove cap and push up bottom.”
It hurts to walk, but whenever I fart, the room smells lovely......
_________________________
Suisse et libre

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#470490 - 09/26/14 06:54 AM Re: Fun with puns [Re: Nothing Man]
Bluedogone Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/03/13
Posts: 529
Loc: Southeast US
These are great. Thanks . A couple of my favorites, plus some new ones.

I'd like to add one:
A tiny fortune teller escaped prison: Small medium at large.
_________________________
Never, never, never, never give up....Winston Churchill

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#470529 - 09/27/14 07:26 PM Re: Fun with puns [Re: Nothing Man]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 5234
Loc: O Kanada
brilliant
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#470550 - 09/28/14 07:20 PM Re: Fun with puns [Re: Nothing Man]
gettingstronger Offline


Registered: 09/24/13
Posts: 255
Loc: Virginia
I should be pun-I-shed
For every pun I shed
'til there is but a puny shred
Of my punnish-head

Bob

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#472168 - 11/04/14 08:43 AM Re: Fun with puns [Re: Nothing Man]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 7011
Loc: FEMA Region 1
Get your Uranium Rods, we're going fission...

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#472675 - 11/18/14 10:38 PM Re: Fun with puns [Re: Nothing Man]
gettingstronger Offline


Registered: 09/24/13
Posts: 255
Loc: Virginia
...And what did the outgoing rock say to the shy rock?

"You should be a little boulder!"

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#472889 - 11/26/14 03:03 PM Re: Fun with puns [Re: Nothing Man]
Nothing Man Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/10/14
Posts: 656
Loc: Ohio
Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine ....


A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

Shotgun wedding - A case of wife or death.

A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.

What's the definition of a will?
(It's a dead give away.)

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

In democracy your vote counts.
In feudalism your count votes.

She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

With her marriage,
She got a new name and a dress.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

Every calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted -
Taint yours and taint mine.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.

Once you've seen one shopping centre,
You've seen a mall.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.
_________________________
Suisse et libre

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#473217 - 12/04/14 04:17 PM Re: Fun with puns [Re: Nothing Man]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 5234
Loc: O Kanada
intimacy.

into me see.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#476963 - 02/10/15 09:39 PM more PUNishment [Re: Nothing Man]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 5234
Loc: O Kanada
Hanging is too good for a man who makes bad puns; he should be drawn and quoted.
- Fred Allen
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#476969 - 02/10/15 10:17 PM Re: Fun with puns [Re: Nothing Man]
Bluedogone Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/03/13
Posts: 529
Loc: Southeast US
I saw a beaver movie last night. It was the best dam movie I've ever seen.

Puppets for sale. No strings attached.

It's not that I don't know how to juggle. I just don't have the balls to do it.
_________________________
Never, never, never, never give up....Winston Churchill

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