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#470126 - 09/16/14 07:11 PM Will it ever get better
Going forward Offline


Registered: 04/08/14
Posts: 8
Today is one of those days that I wonder if things will ever get better. I have been living this life with my spouse for over 35 years and I just want to have a day with no worries. I find myself wanting "normal" or at least a day where emotion doesn't dominate the day. I want to matter. I don't want to wonder if he wants to chase after his SSA or wish that there was the tenderness that I have always wanted. I don't mind most days being the strong one the caretaker but just for today I want someone to take care of me and listen to the fact that I am sad.


Edited by Going forward (09/16/14 07:13 PM)

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#470135 - 09/16/14 09:47 PM Re: Will it ever get better [Re: Going forward]
Esposa Offline
F&F Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/19/11
Posts: 696
Loc: NJ
Big hug to you. We are all listening.

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#470138 - 09/16/14 09:58 PM Re: Will it ever get better [Re: Going forward]
md4e Offline


Registered: 02/01/14
Posts: 10
I have tears in my heart for you!!
I hear you....
I have a friend who I can call and just cry on my end, or text to say " I need someone to know I'm sad today"
I know it doesn't fix things but knowing another 'gets' it, can help just a little.
love and peace to all of us who love a survivor!

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#470142 - 09/16/14 11:27 PM Re: Will it ever get better [Re: Going forward]
journey4two Offline


Registered: 08/26/14
Posts: 29
Oh, GoingForward.. I hear you. Awww. I know it is hard. I'm sorry today feels bad. We are strong women, but sometimes I wish we didn't have to be. A soft place to fall is something we all need. Without knowing your current specifics, I'm going to guess I can relate. Wish we were all together in person... around a big kitchen table with a pot of coffee (bottle of wine?) and, I dunno, I big pile of cookies (maybe?). We could all share so much or nothing at all and know just what we mean. Hugs friend...

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#470148 - 09/17/14 10:40 AM Re: Will it ever get better [Re: Going forward]
Nicole Offline


Registered: 08/06/09
Posts: 23
Loc: USA
I'm sorry you are sad, but you are not alone and I'm sending you hugs.

I would travel across the country to sit at that big ol kitchen table with all of you, and I'll even bring an apple pie, or apple pie moonshine, your call.

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#470165 - 09/17/14 08:34 PM Re: Will it ever get better [Re: Going forward]
Going forward Offline


Registered: 04/08/14
Posts: 8
All I can say for today to the three of you is thank you for understanding. I so wish we could get together because unless someone is living this life it's hard to understand. I can't burden my husband with my sadness because he has too much of his own

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#470166 - 09/17/14 09:30 PM Re: Will it ever get better [Re: Going forward]
journey4two Offline


Registered: 08/26/14
Posts: 29
Going Forward, was today any better for you?

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#470187 - Yesterday at 08:04 AM Re: Will it ever get better [Re: Going forward]
Going forward Offline


Registered: 04/08/14
Posts: 8
Yesterday and today I continue to be sad and worried; not really sure why because nothing specific has happened. Maybe it's just the thought of wondering about the life we have had and where it's going. I just want piece of mind and that seems too much to hope for some days. I will continue to try to be positive for my spouse.

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#470189 - Yesterday at 08:22 AM Re: Will it ever get better [Re: Going forward]
Nicole Offline


Registered: 08/06/09
Posts: 23
Loc: USA
Going forward, That is exactly how I feel this morning. Not feeling very hopeful, not sure why, just very worried and sad.
Just trying to salvage a day that hasn't even started yet. I wonder with all he has to deal with, if he has any idea how all this effects me too.

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#470201 - Yesterday at 12:56 PM Re: Will it ever get better [Re: Going forward]
journey4two Offline


Registered: 08/26/14
Posts: 29
I try to be mindful of my "self care' (something my T and everything I read really stresses). Falling under that category for me is also reading books/articles on my issues. (Head knowledge has always been my "refuge"...often to a fault as a way to avoid feelings...but that is another story). Today I was reading articles related to "healing after the affair". I think that CSAs sometimes act out sexually with people other than their spouse often gets missed in the happiness that their issues of childhood abuse are now coming to light. At least, I feel that way and I struggle with being worried about being a negative effect on their healing process by bringing up the issue of my "shattered life". I am in a good place today, so I am not saying that with bitterness (at the moment). I am doing what I can to get the help I need. Sometimes this frustrates me because it feels like how things used to be before he was working on his issues... me facing my needs alone... and that doesn't seem fair. However, it is what it is. My inner child's feelings and needs are real, but I need to get those needs met as an adult (really difficult for me). I don't like this time/effort/need... but I will be better for having taken care of me in this way. I hope that my marriage lasts forever and that it is a testament to love. I am willing to do the work... BUT if it turns out that in time I am the only one who feels that way, I need to be "well enough" myself to make good decisions...

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