Originally posted by delta.tetra:
8. What happened to the man this thread was adressed to? Nobody asks
about that. Did he stay or did he go?
The person I know of remains away from here for now.
I originally posted this in a thread on the member side last week. As it is my own words, I am reposting it here. I am trying to maintain a personal balance for myself. Inside, 100%, I feel that no offender belongs here. But, I am trying to not generalize all perpetrators simply because of what I know of my own. Some truly do have remorse, possibly. That is why my words perhaps seem some 'middle of road'.
Part of response may trigger.
I have been reading, but 'staying out' of things, as I just have major issues my own right now, which I choose to not bring here, for reasons my own. But, there is few things I want to say, respectful as possible.
First, I do not think there is anyone who do not appreaciate the moderators here, the hard work they do, the fact it is only voluntary, and that they are all survivors also with their own issues and triggers. Roland, Dave, any other moderators, honestly I think no one is attacking you and your hard work. If they do, I am sure it is out of fear, anger and frustration. That do not make personal attacks right.
Personal? I think the whole issue could have been avoided a month and half ago when this person first come here and post that they have offended against someone also. It was very honest and courageous to do that. But it seems it would have been much easier, then, to say 'We are sorry you are a survivor. But also, you are a perpetrator, and as such, we can not have you here. Our sympathies, here are some resources, good luck'. But, because he is a seemingly remorseful person, he is allowed here to post of free will, and seemingly until yesterday, was quite appropriate-seeming in those posts. We as a site have set a precedent by allowing him to remain. Now that members are upset with his presence (Yes, some were previously, I am aware), it is 'sticky' to take care of.
Yes, he is a survivor. But he is also a perpetrator. I am willing to say that at least 90% of the other survivors here, no matter how insecure or how much hatred they have had for themself, no matter how out of control and crazy they feel, they have NOT perpetrated upon another person. That is a big difference between 'him' and most of the rest of 'us'. And no matter how decent, honorable, and well-intentioned this person may seem, he still is also one of 'them', one of the people responsible for the other 2500 people to be at this site. It is difficult to feel that he is not here 'as' a perpetrator as well as survivor. That he is not 'getting' something from people being hurt and triggered. And we'll never know that is not the case.
I realy have not had problem with his presence here. Better the perp you know then the perp you don't, I guess is how I feel.
However, I do worry that to allow him to remain here, it can set a difficult precedent. Because, it is a fact that majority of 'perps' have been abused themself. That would qualify them to be here, as survivors. However, we know that not all perpetrators have remorse. Not all perpetrators turn themselves in, and willingly confess to their crimes. Who is to say the next perpetrator/survivor here does not have such noble intentions as to just heal from what is done to them? Now no, someone who is here to try to 'hook up' with some vulnerable member is not likely to admit openly to having been a perp. But it is similar thought process. Allow one survivor/offender here, allow them all, then ban them one by one as they misbehave here.
I am not going to threaten to leave or leave, although I have great respect for the members that I know of who have made that choice. It can feel unsafe here right now. It can feel that the 'perp' is protected while the legitimate survivors and victims are not. And this is a difficult week to be feeling that.
I trust that the right decision will be made, and I am sure it is a difficult one. My sympathy and support to the administrators and moderating staff, and I am grateful the decision is not mine.
I wish everyone well.
By the way, someone who leave here, I am hoping temporarily, due in part to this situation, is someone extremely close to me, who I care very much about. Probably the person here I am closest to, not to diminish anyone else here. So I DO feel the significance of this specific issue, trust me. I just am attempting to keep my words and thoughts civil, because I have been quite blunt, to the point of rudeness, at times, and am attempting to not be like that. I am sorry if how I speak does not seem supportive to the majority here. But truly I am.