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#4699 - 06/17/05 01:42 AM Please don't go.
RangerJ19 Offline
Member

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 42
Loc: North Woods
A member here has asked me to leave, and said that they would stop coming otherwise.

Please, don't go.

It is more important to me that you stay. You have more right to be here than I do.

I will not post here again.

Thank you all for your time.

_________________________
Life is worth living.
'Cause of legal issues and the fact i'm still trying to get better, I don't PM or chat w/ minors.

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#4700 - 06/17/05 02:12 AM Re: Please don't go.
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
If it is member I am thinking of, who I just talk with, he is already left for while, and is not just because of you.

I will say, although I have not responded to your posts (I have not been here to respond to much recently), I have read them, and I think you are a decent-seeming man. Of course, so does my abuser, in public, so perhaps I am not best judge of character. But, you made a huge mistake, you come here and admit it openly, you have paid for it socially. I do respect your owning up to things. There have been people here who have subtly (and sometime more overtly) abused other members here who never own up to it.

You are a survivor. You are a perpetrator also, and I think it could be difficult for people to decide with which eyes and mind you are speaking here.

I just wish to say, I think you have been ok here.

Leosha

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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#4701 - 06/17/05 02:17 PM Re: Please don't go.
crisispoint Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts
Ranger,

Truthfully, if you're a survivor as well as a perp, then you need this site. I admit myself that I'm very unnerved by your admissions, and since they remind me in a lot of ways of the person who abused me, I really feel no trust for you. I also feel that there's a great deal of work you STILL have to do for yourself before you should be so open.

On the other hand, the fact that you're admitting what you've done, and are taking responsibility for your actions tell me that you're trying to heal, trying to make amends for what you've done.

As long as you're monitored, as long as there are people watching you so you don't backslide into a dangerous situation for yourself or others, I have no problem with you working on your own abuse issues. Just, please, for my sake and the sake of other survivors here, restrict your de>
_________________________
There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

fromacuriousmind.blogspot.com
malehurtandsurvive.blogspot.com

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#4702 - 06/17/05 03:02 PM Re: Please don't go.
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Ranger,

I will admit that when I first saw who you were I was shocked and full of conflicting emotions. But the fact remains that you are a survivor as well.

Another thing I thought of was that you could easily have just come here as a survivor and deceived everyone about the other problems you have. Thanks for your honesty and for providing the whole picture.

I suppose the bottom line is that this situation is uneasy for everyone. It must have been a tough call for the mods/BoD. But they have made their decision, based on what I am sure is a careful review of everything, and this is their decision. The group as a whole now has to work with that. A community can't survive if its members claim the right of personal veto on every issue that affects them deeply.

Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#4703 - 06/17/05 06:19 PM Re: Please don't go.
Maynard Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/11/05
Posts: 49


_________________________
"Men often become what they believe themselves to be. If I believe I cannot do something, it makes me incapable of doing it. But when I believe I can, then I acquire the ability to do it even if I didn't have it in the beginning." Mahatma Gandhi

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#4704 - 06/17/05 10:08 PM Re: Please don't go.
Sinking Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/26/03
Posts: 577
Loc: Took my ball and went home.
This was originally sent to ranger as a PM but, seeing the other responses, I felt I wanted to share my position on this as well:
__________________________________________________

Ranger - After having read some of your posts, most jarringly your first post here on May 2nd, I posted publicly to the message board. I was outraged that you were allowed to post here. I no longer felt safe. I no longer felt I could be here and share with the others. For all I knew, you could be one of my abusers, the last people on earth that I want sharing in my recovery.

My post was promptly removed by one of the moderators who PM'd me to advise me that he had removed it. I felt further outrage that I, a survivor, not an offender, was being censored for attempting to alert those who may not have been aware that an abuser was in our midst.

I requested that the moderators keep you from the site or I would no longer be able to utilize this support system, or, more importantly, be able to come here to offer help to those who are in their early stages of recovery. I have been waiting since Tuesday for them to make a decision, all the while, using a great deal of strength in an effort not to contact you directly or make another public post.

I feel a deep sense of responsibility to protect others from predators. And, while you have disclosed who you are as an offender, I do not trust that you have been completely upfront. I do not trust sexual abusers anyway, in any form. You yourself stated in a thread to puppy that once an offender has crossed that line, he is forever at risk to do it again. For all you or I know, your victim may come here to get support. You and he do not belong in the same place together, despite the anonymity we are afforded.

I tell you all of this because I don't know if my request came to you from an indirect source or if another member has also requested that you be barred from the site. I like to be understood and want others to know that my motives are genuine. I support and encourage your offer to leave.

That said, I would not feel right if you were to leave without some sort of alternative to this site. You claim that you are not only an offender, you are a survivor. Most offenders are. All of us need help. Me to heal from what was done to me. You so that you will no longer hurt yourself or anyone else. I have found a list of resources that may be better geared to someone in your position and hope that you will find the help and support you need there. The list is posted below. I am going to copy this message to the moderator that I have been corresponding with so that I am on the up and up and so that you will know that I intend nothing covert or malicious.

Information and Referrals for Adults
The Association for the Treatment of Sexual Abusers (ATSA)
4900 S.W. Griffith Drive, Suite 274, Beaverton, OR 97005
Office: (503) 643-1023 Fax: (503) 643-5084
Email: atsa@atsa.com
http://www.atsa.com

ATSA was founded to foster research, facilitate information exchange, further professional education, and provide advancement of professional standards and practices in the field of sex offender evaluation and treatment. ATSA provides referrals for affiliated sex offender treatment providers throughout the United States.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
National Council on Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity (NCSAC)
The National Office, PO Box 725544, Atlanta, GA 31139
Office: (770) 541-9912
Email: ncsac@mindspring.com
http://www.ncsac.org
NCSAC promotes public and professional recognition, awareness and understanding of sexual addiction, sexual compulsivity and sexual offending. NCSAC provides public and professional access to education, information and referral resources for those who specialize in the treatment of sex addiction.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Safer Society Foundation, Inc. (SSFI)
PO Box 340, Brandon, VT 05733-0340
Office: (802) 247-3132 Fax: (802) 247-4233
http://www.safersociety.org
SSFI is a national research, advocacy and referral center dedicated to the prevention and treatment of sexual abuse. They offer a variety of services including, sex offender treatment referrals, responses to research requests, and training and consultation. The Safer Society Press offers publications for treatment providers, child & adult offenders, survivors and mandated reporters. A free catalog is available.
Sexual Abuser Treatment Referral Line is a national referral service operated by SSFI for anyone interested in locating a treatment provider for an individual with sexual behavior problems.
Office: (802) 247-3132 (Monday through Friday, 9AM-4:30PM, EST) To fax request: (802) 247-4233
To email request: tammyk@sover.net.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sex Abuse Treatment Alliance (SATA)
PO Box 1191, Okemos, MI 48805-1191
Office: (517) 482-2085 or (517) 372-8207
Email: help@satasort.org
http://www.satasort.org

SATA is a non-profit organization to prevent sexual abuse by: educating the public, supporting and working with those who have abused and who have been abused; sharing resources and referrals for those abused, the abusers and treatment providers; and promoting research about sex offender treatment. SATA provides a network of support for abusers who are currently in treatment and to those in prison.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Stop It Now!
351 Pleasant Street, Suite B319, Northampton, MA 01060
Office: (413) 587-3500 Fax: (413) 587-3505
Helpline: 1-888-PREVENT (1-888-773-8368)
Email: info@stopitnow.org
http://www.stopitnow.org
Stop It Now! is a national, public health based organization working to prevent child sexual abuse. They educate adults including people at risk for abusing and their families and friends about the ways to prevent child sexual abuse and promote the policy changes at the local and national level to support prevention strategies.
Stop It Now! Helpline is a toll-free number for adults who are at risk for sexually abusing a child, for friends and family members of sexual abusers and/or victims, and for parents of children with sexual behavior problems. This helpline service is confidential, available Monday through Friday, 9:00AM-5:00PM (EST) at 1-888-PREVENT (1-888-773-8368).


Information and Referrals for Juveniles
The Association for the Treatment of Sexual Abusers (ATSA)
4900 S.W. Griffith Drive, Suite 274, Beaverton, OR 97005
Office: (503) 643-1023 Fax: (503) 643-5084
Email: atsa@atsa.com
http://www.atsa.com

ATSA was founded to foster research, facilitate information exchange, further professional education, and provide advancement of professional standards and practices in the field of sex offender evaluation and treatment. ATSA provides referrals for affiliated sex offender treatment providers throughout the United States.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
National Adolescent Perpetration Network (NAPN)
Kempe Children's Center, 1825 Marion Street, Denver, CO 80218 Office: (303) 864-5192 Fax: (303) 837-2791
Email: Ryan.Gail@tchden.org
http://www.kempecenter.org/about.htm
NAPN is a cooperative network of professionals working with sexually abusive youth. NAPN provides information and referrals, publishes a biannual newsletter, hosts annual national conferences, and encourages the development of regional networks. Individuals seeking treatment can contact Gail Ryan for information or referrals.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Safer Society Foundation, Inc. (SSFI)
PO Box 340, Brandon, VT 05733-0340
Office: (802) 247-3132 Fax: (802) 247-4233
http://www.safersociety.org
SSFI is a national research, advocacy and referral center dedicated to the prevention and treatment of sexual abuse. They offer a variety of services including, sex offender treatment referrals, responses to research requests, and training and consultation. The Safer Society Press offers publications for treatment providers, child & adult offenders, survivors and mandated reporters. A free catalog is available.
Sexual Abuser Treatment Referral Line is a national referral service operated by SSFI for anyone interested in locating a treatment provider for an individual with sexual behavior problems.
Office: (802) 247-3132 (Monday through Friday, 9AM-4:30PM, EST) To fax request: (802) 247-4233
To email request: tammyk@sover.net.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Stop It Now!
351 Pleasant Street, Suite B319, Northampton, MA 01060
Office: (413) 587-3500 Fax: (413) 587-3505
Helpline: 1-888-PREVENT (1-888-773-8368)
Email: info@stopitnow.org
http://www.stopitnow.org
Stop It Now! is a national, public health based organization working to prevent child sexual abuse. They educate adults including people at risk for abusing and their families and friends about the ways to prevent child sexual abuse and promote the policy changes at the local and national level to support prevention strategies.
Stop It Now! Helpline is a toll-free number for adults who are at risk for sexually abusing a child, for friends and family members of sexual abusers and/or victims, and for parents of children with sexual behavior problems. This helpline service is confidential, available Monday through Friday, 9:00AM-5:00PM (EST) at 1-888-PREVENT (1-888-773-8368).


Self-help for Sexual Addictions
Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA)
ISO of SAA, PO Box 70949, Houston, TX 77270
Office: 713-869-4902 Toll free: 1-800-477-8191
Email: info@saa-recovery.org
http://www.saa-recovery.org

SAA is not a therapy group, but a 12-step fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other so that they may overcome their sexual addiction and help others recover. A list of SAA meetings can be obtained by calling or checking online.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
PO Box 111910, Nashville, TN 37222
Office: (615) 331-6230 Fax: (615) 331-6901
Email: saico@sa.org
http://www.sa.org
SA is a 12-step fellowship of men and women whose lust has become an addiction and wish to become sexually sober. SA also has a program that allows prisoners to receive information and be put in touch with other sexaholics in prison. Publications, manuals, and brochures on SA are available.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sexual Compulsives Anonymous (SCA)
PO Box 1585, Old Chelsea Station, New York, NY 10011
Office: (212) 439-1123
Toll free: 1-800-977-HEAL (1-800-977-4325)
Email: info@sca-recovery.org
Anonymous email: enter website, click on "how to contact us" click on "email" and then click on anon.twwells.com.
http://www.sca-recovery.org
SCA is a 12-Step fellowship of men and women having difficulties with sexual compulsion. SCA has state chapters, a newsletter, a support oriented chat room and an online bookstore. A list of SCA meetings can be obtained by calling or checking online.


Online Resources
Cybersexualaddiction.com
http://www.cybersexualaddiction.com

A resource and referral information website for individuals seeking help with addictive or compulsive computer-based sexual activity. The site, designed and maintained by experts in the sexual addiction and recovery field, provides a variety of articles, books, self-tests and links to counseling for addicts and their family members.


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#4705 - 06/17/05 10:41 PM Re: Please don't go.
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Ranger, I promised not to post to you and I dont want any response to my reply.

It goes like this.

I know that you come here after being maybe abused in life, and for that fact then I absolve you of some of the hurt you may be going thru as an abuse survivor.

Hurt in abuse is so damaging, and it beyond imagination of how kids fathom out their lives beyond that point, or that is how it is for me in past experiences.

At 51yo, I suppose, that I never really got beyond the point of looking back on a childhood of despair, and it affected everything that I could ever even dream about in life.

It hurts today, not so much as the trauma that followed what I went through when I was violently r*ped and the ensuing consequences, including being on perp radar through most of my child life.

My childhood was a fight, an internal fight, that nobody could figure, so it left me in a state of perpetual blame, which i of course blame on myself.

I blame it on myself for thinking that I am small and not able to be who I was meant to really be in this crazy World.

I have no way of really changing past events, they happened, but i have to say they hurt, and they hurt so much it changed everything in my life.

I know that trauma got me to nearly take my life twice, and it nearly went my way when I was a child when I could not stand the mental hurt, but I got rescued by well meaning people.

Maybe nobody got to know my hurt, but at least you admit to what you do and I can never disgrace you for it, and I think that if you need help then you maybe post stuff in at risk forum.

I ask anyone who has been abused to be aware of peoples' feelings in a public forum, the gravity can be enormous, and it is I suppose, an obvious thing to say, but just try and keep other people safe here.

This place is built on safety,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#4707 - 06/18/05 01:44 AM Re: Please don't go.
RockyMtJoe Offline
Member

Registered: 08/11/04
Posts: 97
Loc: East of Pueblo, Colorado
Dear Ranger,

I am imposing a ban on my posting for say two months.

I will message Jasper and give him an email
for me, so J Man, I can not walk out.

I support your staying with whatever conditions,
I Lost it: not due to my sex abuse but over the
way.

I am sorry, I allowed Vietnam PTSD to creap in my post. I am "ok" with the CSA but Vietnam never goes away.

You are also a "brother" as much as that may cause folks a problem, so be it. I but for being
a skinny fairy may have done as much.

Jasper, I feel I let you down and I am ashamed.


Hey, I may be a nut but I am an honest one.

I should have offered Ranger support, instead I tossed out harsh words.

Mea Cupa


Joe


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#4708 - 06/18/05 10:02 AM Re: Please don't go.
sophiesdad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/30/05
Posts: 462
Loc: Florida


_________________________
There are no unresolved issues - they just didn't resolve themselves the way we would have liked. "Grinder and Bandler - Neuro-Linguistic Programming"

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#4709 - 06/18/05 10:45 AM Re: Please don't go.
Malidin41 Offline
Member

Registered: 07/01/04
Posts: 140
Loc: Utah
In fear of becoming like all that have posted hear I will only say ONE THING I AM EXTREAMLY DISAPOINTED IN THE MEMBERS OF THIS SITE AND I AM BLOWN AWAY THAT ANYONE OF US COULD TREAT ANOTHER IN THIS WAY CONSIDERING WHAT WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH. There have been a couple of times now that I have had this disapointment arise and I wish there was something I could do to make these kind of responces stop. We are all hear for support not more criticisim. We have all made mistakes and we do not need harm we need love and nurishment. It is respoces like this that will make all of the world stay the same that it is. Ranger my friend and fellow brother not only do I support you to stay but I beg you to. People need to get to know you and realize that you are not this monster that they all seem to want you to be. Just as much as it is importent for myself and all of them to have a voice getting that voice is important for you as well. Please dont leave help us all to learn the lesson that you were a victim as well and that you have feelings and most importantly deserve just as much love as we do. Help us all get to the place where the entire world needs to be in order to stop what we all hate most, (the despair of the act of child sexual abuse.) Help us understand that the only way to stop it is to treat all that is involved with love and compation. Help us all understand that love is the only house for all the pain in the world. Help us realize we will never get anywhere where without that healing love that I speak of. Please God don't leave. I will beg for all it is worth. I care about you and want to help you as much as I can just as much as I want to help everyone else. You are more than welcome in my eyes. To me you are just as important as everyone else.

_________________________
Mother of the kingdom of silence I have obeyed you long enough!!!

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