It is indeed, NSM.
I also want to share that I hung up the phone feeling very content.
Then, it hit me... loneliness. I sat with this for a few minutes, trying to figure out where this loneliness came from. I haven't felt it in a long time, but there have been times in my life that it has debilitating. I am pretty secure, for the moment, in my healing, so this loneliness was a real surprise.
It dawns on me that after the abuse was when I experienced loneliness for the first time.
I think that part of it is that this person was a friend, or as much as a friend could be at age 7. And at the end of that summer, I never saw him again. Under normal situations, that might not be a big deal for a 7 year old, but when there is a sexual connection, I believe it was too much to handle. It's like a death I never grieved, but he wasn't dead. I simply never saw him again.
Therapist meeting on Monday...
I wasn't gay. I was abused and confused.