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#469377 - 08/26/14 03:22 PM lawyer jokes
Nothing Man Offline


Registered: 04/10/14
Posts: 46
Loc: Ohio
A good lawyer knows the law.

A great lawyer knows the judge.



Q. What do you call a splinter in a lawyer's a**?

A. S*** on a stick.

Q. What do you call two splinters in a lawyer's a**?

A. A damned waste of wood.




When lawyers fall overboard at sea, why don't the sharks eat them?

Professional courtesy.


with apologies to all lawyers who might be reading this now.
_________________________
You want courage
I'll show you courage you can't understand
The pearl and silver
Resting on my night table
It's just me lord, pray I'm able
....
I am the nothing man.

-- Bruce Springstein

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#469592 - 09/02/14 05:28 AM Re: lawyer jokes [Re: Nothing Man]
ALovingMum Offline


Registered: 02/24/12
Posts: 46
Loc: England
LOL...how true! Thanks for making me laugh.
_________________________
Daily I worry for the safety of my young sons - but worry achieves nothing! So I pray for their safety!

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#469644 - 09/03/14 08:58 PM Re: lawyer jokes [Re: Nothing Man]
Jim1961 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/10/09
Posts: 1130
Loc: Pa, but likely traveling...
Old one......

Q. How do you know when a lawyer is lying?

A. His lips are moving.

;-)
_________________________
Loneliness is a power that we possess to give or take away forever. -Yes, Starship Trooper

My Story

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#469679 - 09/04/14 10:42 AM Re: lawyer jokes [Re: Nothing Man]
Happy Birthday Jay1946 Offline


Registered: 08/08/13
Posts: 87
Loc: Miami, Florida, USA
I heard this one on the BBC:

Lawyers are like Hippos: thick skinned, short sighted and always ready to charge.

And this one is from the movie "Hook"

The NIH recently announced that they were going to start using lawyers instead of rats for their lab experiments. Because:

In DC it's easier to find lawyers than rats
The lab assistants are less likely to get emotionally attached to lawyers than to little rats
and, there are some things even a rat won't do.
_________________________
Jay

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#469692 - 09/04/14 04:50 PM Re: lawyer jokes [Re: Nothing Man]
Nothing Man Offline


Registered: 04/10/14
Posts: 46
Loc: Ohio
What do you call a busload of lawyers going over a cliff?

A good start.
_________________________
You want courage
I'll show you courage you can't understand
The pearl and silver
Resting on my night table
It's just me lord, pray I'm able
....
I am the nothing man.

-- Bruce Springstein

Top
#469732 - 09/05/14 11:27 AM Re: lawyer jokes [Re: Nothing Man]
Happy Birthday Jay1946 Offline


Registered: 08/08/13
Posts: 87
Loc: Miami, Florida, USA
Why don't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional Courtesy.
_________________________
Jay

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#469734 - 09/05/14 11:35 AM Re: lawyer jokes [Re: Nothing Man]
journey4two Offline


Registered: 08/26/14
Posts: 29
*belly laugh* Thanks!

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#469749 - 09/05/14 10:11 PM Re: lawyer jokes [Re: Nothing Man]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1530
Loc: New England
_________________________
Well, I won't back down
No I won't back down
You can stand me up at the gates of hell
But I won't back down.
Tom Petty

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#469750 - 09/05/14 11:50 PM Re: lawyer jokes [Re: Nothing Man]
unhappycamper Offline


Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 611
Loc: VA
There's no such thing as lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny, and nobody else thinks they're jokes.

John, Esq.

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#469839 - 09/08/14 10:34 PM Re: lawyer jokes [Re: Nothing Man]
unhappycamper Offline


Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 611
Loc: VA
It is the trade of lawyers to question everything, yield nothing, and to talk by the hour.

-- Thomas Jefferson

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