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#469179 - 08/20/14 04:54 PM what r ur accomplishments?
cosmos Offline


Registered: 11/12/12
Posts: 184
Loc: Puget Sound
I didnít want to hijack the thread : http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=376623#Post376623

Originally Posted By: GT13568


Keith,

I appreciate the wisdom in Ken Singer's comment, too. "lead a successful life; don't let the perp win" This really can happen, I know this now. I have recently understood that yes - I do lead a successful life; and, what is more, that my entire life has been a success. Even the times when I could barely hold down a job; when I was alone and friendless; when I was filled with self-doubt and self-hatred and self-pity; each moment when I thought my father was winning, because his actions against me had left me too broken to manage my life; the reality of it all is that I had won. I won the moment he hurt me, because he poisoned his soul, and I did not poison mine. I did not hurt anyone. He did. He was the perp. He tried to make me into a victim, but I became a survivor. Yes. I moved on.

Accepting this has been difficult. It's enormous and frightening. My life is far from perfect. I still cry, I still have nightmares, I still struggle to accept my lover's touch. I'm angry a lot. I'm happy often, but sometimes I fall into that old hole. But that doesn't make me a victim, it doesn't mean I've failed; it means I'm working on greater success.

I don't think of forgiveness anymore. I don't know what the word would mean in this context. Who am I to forgive him, anyway?

It's three years since I asked this question about forgiveness. I'm grateful the post came back to life - thank you. Keith and everyone for sharing your thoughts so generously. I needed this right now.

GT


But just had to say thanks GT this reply you wrote it made me forget all the shit in my head and realize that itís never been me, ever, never could have been, and that no one on this planet but me is ever going to care about myself, no one can love me but me, and at the end of the day I will die alone just like I was born and that I can only care about others if I care about myself. You reminded me of all my accomplishments; my 2 sons are 26 and out of trouble, together with my partner for 29 years and my ability to hold onto 6 figure jobs with only IT certs. Thanks GT!

So let me ask MS what are your accomplishments, how are you ďsticking it to the manĒ?

Chris

edited to add:Forgot to add 6 feet and 180, yes itís a hell of an accomplishment for an old man to weigh less now than when I left the Navy 20+ years ago, please remember that I was a submariner and didnít get a lot of exercise underway; weighed 185 when I got out! Damn Sexxy!!!


Edited by cosmos (08/20/14 04:59 PM)
_________________________
"it has never yet been discovered how to make man unknow his knowledge, or unthink his thoughts"

T. Paine

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#469180 - 08/20/14 05:04 PM Re: what r ur accomplishments? [Re: cosmos]
NoSimpleMachine Offline


Registered: 06/05/14
Posts: 130
Loc: SF Bay Area
I'm taking my two engineering degrees, building my relationship with my old employer to the next level by responsibly working remotely for him after moving a thousand miles away, and preparing my materials to blow any future employer out of the water when I walk in the door for that interview.

I'm studying tenant rights laws in Washington state to get over a thousand dollars illegally held by my old apartment complex in court, if need be.

I told my mom I know she's an alcoholic and made my position clear to her: I love her always, respect her when she's sober, and will remain financially disentangled from her as long as she drinks.

I'm preparing to do major work on my car to keep it going on the road and prepare it for a future of race track work. I've developed so much as a racing driver in the last few years and have learned so much about hands-on mechanical engineering and how to apply it.

I'm learning guitar with my dad and brother and we keep sharing what we have each learned and expanding each others' knowledge base and skill sets.

I'm a damned good cook and can easily impress my friends or family with a delicious and healthy meal without breaking a sweat.

I innately understand the mechanisms of climate change and can, have, and will continue to articulate the mechanisms of impact and potential avenues for mitigation to anyone who will listen. I want the human race to be healthy and fruitful going forward and do my best to make a difference in my own life in terms of what I invest in, the amount of consuming I do, the causes and candidates I vote for, verbally support, and donate to. I am confident I can be a positive force for change in the world.

I've lost 70 lbs. since high school. Used to be incapable of running an entire mile and now I can jog indefinitely, backpack with confidence, hike a mountain without difficulty, etc. and I know how to eat healthy and make my body feel good with my nutrition.

Thank you for this idea. I hope everyone on this forum will take the time to think of at least one way they are self-empowered and capable human beings because we all are somehow or another smile


Edited by NoSimpleMachine (08/20/14 05:05 PM)
_________________________
I've known love, I've known pain, and I've called them by each other's names.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tazGZU4ufGM

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#469184 - 08/20/14 06:37 PM Re: what r ur accomplishments? [Re: cosmos]
Ocellaris Offline


Registered: 06/12/12
Posts: 22
Loc: New York
That's a hard one to answer. In an age where job mobility is the norm, I think my biggest accomplishment is working at the same company for more than 18 years. Over that time I went from entry-level clerk to managing the whole company and answering only to the owner. It's funny -- in a different thread I lamented the fact that I cannot trust my own judgment, and here is a man trusting my judgment to operate his multi-million dollar operation. Why can't I see in me what he apparently sees in me?

I wish I could say I've had as much success in my personal life. But other than maintaining strong relationships with my three nieces and five nephews, I have to say my personal life doesn't have many accomplishments.
_________________________
That's the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for want of a teller, but for want of an understanding ear.
-- Stephen King, "The Body" (from Different Seasons)

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#469186 - 08/20/14 09:01 PM Re: what r ur accomplishments? [Re: cosmos]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3362
Loc: O Kanada
my greatest accomplishment has been
chasing and following and realizing dreams and fantasies.

anything I could visualize,
I was able to create.

I took this overachievement to the maximum limits.
I was always pleased and proud of my ambition,
and ability to commit and carry out goals and projects.
this drive and desire to deliver
and produce was rooted in my need to connect
and impact and influence others.
this made me feel like I existed.
any feedback was validation.
add my obsessive punctuality,
perfectionism, professionalism
and planning skills...
my flexibility and adaptability...
my adrenaline addiction...
my attraction to risk, chaos and danger...
my attention to detail without losing focus on the big picture and the bottom line...
my eternal irrational optimism...
my stubborn tenacity...
my delusions of grandeur...
my detachment and determined demeanour during crises...
and you have found
the perfect personality disorder required for a fine
successful 40 year career in the
arts & entertainment industry

in other words,
what are my accomplishments?

I have converted my liabilities into assets.
I was unable and incapable of eliminating
or suppressing my negative behaviour traits,
so I embraced and exploited
them by promoting them as skills and talents.

all I did was find the appropriate lifestyle.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#469193 - 08/20/14 10:56 PM Re: what r ur accomplishments? [Re: cosmos]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1562
Loc: New England
I've helped raise 4 biological children and six adopted children. None of them is, or ever has been, in jail. None of them is an addict or alcoholic. None of them have out-of-wedlock babies. None of them have been irreparably damaged by me, my alcoholism, or my acting out in various ways. All of them have jobs, friends, heathy relationships, and positive hopes for the future.

I give most of the credit to God and my wife, but my kids are the one thing in my life that I didn't totally fuck up.
_________________________
Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine.
Sheryl Crow

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#469212 - 08/21/14 11:00 AM Re: what r ur accomplishments? [Re: cosmos]
Nothing Man Offline


Registered: 04/10/14
Posts: 71
Loc: Ohio
I have a successful marriage and two wonderful daughters. I have been sober for ten years now and am undergoing treatment with an amazing therapist to deal with my CSA and ASA. I have a job I have had for years (even though I do not enjoy it at all) and I have a master's degree. I too am a good cook and enjoy preparing meals for my family. I am raising my girls in an environment which is safe, free of CSA and other abuse, and I stand up for them when they are hurt by others -- something my parents never did for me.

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#469213 - 08/21/14 11:27 AM Re: what r ur accomplishments? [Re: cosmos]
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1342
Loc: kansas
none...

i completely suck...
_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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#469216 - 08/21/14 12:41 PM Re: what r ur accomplishments? [Re: Obi]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1714
Obi

no you Do Not suck. You have much to offer. Stop looking at life from the negative. You survived that is an accomplishment. You are at MS and give support to others that is an accomplishment. You have achieved. You just need to build on it.

Kevin

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#469217 - 08/21/14 01:07 PM Re: what r ur accomplishments? [Re: cosmos]
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1342
Loc: kansas
no.. i thought i gave support... at least my heart thought so, but in reality... all i did was give more pain and hurt...
_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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#469222 - 08/21/14 01:56 PM Re: what r ur accomplishments? [Re: cosmos]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1410
Loc: California
Obi - sorry dude - you have no given me *any* pain or hurt.

In fact, I have learned quite a lot from your postings and messages here.

That's reality.

As far as my accomplishments are concerned. As far as my therapist is concerned, he says its a miracle that I'm not a homeless drifter/drug addict, given the obstacles I've had to endure. A few therapists have said that.

In spite of my poor genetic profile (severe hearing loss/vision issues), and early childhood trauma resulting in Complex PTSD, I somehow forged a career. With a lot of help along the way, I am in a place financially that many people would envy. I have a job that many people would envy.

I very well could have turned into the monster that my biological dad became; he blamed everyone else for his problems, and even stole money from his aunt, whom he was "caregiver" as she ailed with alzheimers. I could very well have easily turned into someone who had nothing but bitterness in his heart, and wanted only to use other people for personal gain.

I was well on that path when I was a teenager. But I made some choices and decided I wanted to be a better human being than what I found myself turning into. I can now point to two qualities that *I* have created and fostered inside myself - honesty and integrity. These are qualities that are highly esteemed. And I cultivated them in the midst of "the perfect" psychological storm.

I still have profound struggles today, and I still have shortcomings that make my life lonely and difficult. But I have made progress, and I sometimes see the shoreline. My therapist says I need to find that place inside myself where I can feel safety and trust, and the rest will come. Peace of mind and peace of heart.
_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

Loving Kindness Meditation will dramatically improve your spirits; give it a try for just 3 days: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz7cpV7ERsM

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