I was watching a movie the other night (which was pretty bad), but within it was a series of quotes from "Steppenwolf" by Herman Hesse, written around 1925.
"He went on two legs, wore clothes, and was a human being. But nevertheless, he was a wolf of the steppes. He learned a good deal, and was a rather clever fellow.
"What Harry had not learned however was this - to find contentment within himself and his own life. He knew all the time that in reality he was not a man.
"Though those who loved him only saw the one side of him, many loved him as a refined and educated man, horrified and disappointed when they discovered the wolf in him.
"And they had to because he wished - as every conscious being does - to be loved as a whole, and therefore it was just with those that he loved and treasured most, that he could least of all try and conceal the wolf."
I really found that this resonated with me. The hidden anger, trying to cover it up to appear normal. However when the exterior cracks, people see the darkness harboured within. I also find that those I do love, and I open up to and share my CSA with, are often repelled by me.
I used to blame them for not understanding, but I have come to terms with the fact it is my actions that cause this. When I open up, an angry child is released, venting his frustrations at the person I love, hurting them and causing them to leave.